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The importance of stress relief for parents of teenagers!ðŸ;˜«

(25 Posts)
cleo14 Mon 03-Nov-14 19:19:10

As i go through the roller coaster of adolescence with my 14 yr old ds I need to constantly remind myself that this is a phase- although it could last a few years! (I'll be grey by the end of it). Ds has always been a bit of a challenge but when good, an amazing boy however the change in him in the last 4 months is crazy! First report of dogging school last week,the odd smell of alcohol and possibly smoke after being out with friends and an attitude that stinks! I'm slightly heartbroken as we have always been so close. However I think I'm now viewed as the wicked witch as I try to put sanctions in place. Anyway as the title states, I think us parents/carers need to relax at times as this is one tough job! 😩😩😩

DieselSpillages Tue 04-Nov-14 05:38:55

I am so heartily sick of parenting teens. My Ds1 was incredibly trying, though things are improving with him. Ds2 is hating school, wants to leave, is depessed refusing all offers of help, careers advice etc. He prefers to stay stuck in his horrible state and I fear, with no qualifications, I will be stuck with him at home forever.
I am so tired of walking on eggshells, I feel emotionally abused by these hormonal timebombs, never knowing what's going to cause the next explosion.
I wish I knew how to care less.. the stress is slowly killing me and god help me I've another teen in the making too.

TanteRose Tue 04-Nov-14 06:05:19

Oh god, I hear you!

The immensely wise MaryZ on the teen boards, always says that we parents have to look after ourselves, and remember to do something nice for ourselves, otherwise we just burn out.

It is incredibly tough - I am glad I had my DD (17) first, because she was no trouble at all really. DS (15) is a completely different story - even though we thought we had parented them both exactly the same!

DH and I sometimes sit and look at each other, kind of shell-shocked, and say "where did we go wrong", but then we know maybe its not us...its HIM grin

We are in another country, and he has exams to enter high school next February. He has mock exams next week, and maybe, just MAYBE we have finally got it through to him that he cannot muck these up. His grades up to now have been APPALLING (he got 3% for a maths test the other day...confused ) he just does NOTHING but expects to sail through life. Talk about entitled...

anyway, YES, do nice things for yourself - walks, coffees, meeting with friends...I actually do like a drink occasionally and will have a brilliant evening with friends every now again, getting slowly and merrily drunk. I don't care! I flipping deserve a drink grin

thanks and wine to all parents of teens

ihatethecold Tue 04-Nov-14 22:27:13

I actually felt bad tonight for looking forward to my ds14 leaving home in a few years.
He really is an entitled little git sometimes.
I'm quite fed up with how he talks to me. sad
I know it's a phase but it makes me feel down.
It just feels so unnecessary. Like he has forgotten how to talk to me normally.

gamerchick Tue 04-Nov-14 22:32:02

Doesn't the brain start to rewire itself around this age or something? It's a pain in the arse.

ihatethecold Tue 04-Nov-14 22:53:45

I've just downloaded a book onto my kindle to help me understand him better.
It's got good reviews.
I've already forgotten what it's called. Something about taking him and his mates to town.

My brain is fried tonight. I need sleep.

Mel0Drama Tue 04-Nov-14 23:11:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker Tue 04-Nov-14 23:15:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crje Tue 04-Nov-14 23:23:48

ds 1 & 2 were fine no major upsets
Ds 3 (13)sends my head spinning daily

Takes no responsibility for anything and cares about no one but himself.

It's been so stressful trying to bite my tougue and saying something horrible.

ITs a thankless job at the moment
Feeling really down about it

Glad I found ye
Misery loves company brew

ihatethecold Wed 05-Nov-14 10:13:09

Well me and my son had a nice hug this morning and he managed to raise a smile.
He left for school on good terms.
I want to learn to handle this well.
I am in danger of becoming negative with him.
Thankfully my dd restores my faith in kids.
She can see that I'm sad about the attitude and rudeness.

Claybury Wed 05-Nov-14 15:14:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihatethecold Wed 05-Nov-14 15:56:15

We have already decided to convert our outbuilding to a dwelling so our ds can move in in a few years.
God knows how he will be able to afford to move out.

lljkk Wed 05-Nov-14 16:01:13

Budge Up, Y'all.
Nothing to add that hasn't already been said. (head in hands emoticon)

cleo14 Thu 06-Nov-14 07:09:16

Just ordered, blame my brain and get out of my life but first take me and Alex to town- both books been highly recommend on here. Thank you to everyone for comments on this thread, it really does show that this is a very common problem and it would appear that only the small minority (very lucky) of parents don't have a hard time with their teenager. Apart from ds (14) I have a 20 yr old dd who was no problem, some minor teenage stuff but just seemed to get on with things. In my experience so far it's a lot to do with personality- and as someone has pointed out already the brain is developing further at this stage which I believe is the reason we get grunting responses!smile Anyway, I find this forum really helpful as it shows we are not alone.

sandgrown Thu 06-Nov-14 07:30:10

DS is only nearly 13 but is starting to change and challenge his dad which is causing rows! My older DC were pretty good even though I was a single parent at the time. DP was divorced by the time his other children were teenagers so has not experienced this full time and is finding it hard. I think with boys it is like in the animal kingdom when a young buck comes to challenge the leader of the herd and the fighting starts!

cleo14 Thu 06-Nov-14 07:38:53

I agree sandgrown!

Stupidhead Thu 06-Nov-14 07:48:34

Mine are 13, 14 and 17.
That is why I drink confused

ihatethecold Thu 06-Nov-14 09:40:47

Not this early I hope stupidhead

Stupidhead Thu 06-Nov-14 11:03:07

Hah - hic - me? Never...!

BlackIvy Sun 09-Nov-14 17:30:08

I hear you. I just sat in the kitchen and sobbed for 20 minutes.

cleo14 Sun 09-Nov-14 17:41:48

Black ivy, I hope you are ok- felt like that a few times this weekend sad

BlackIvy Sun 09-Nov-14 20:31:24

I'm ok thanks, cleo. Hope you are too. I keep being told I need to just ride the teenage years out. Much easier said than done.

imalostcause Sun 09-Nov-14 20:32:21

Another patent of a teen here. Dd1 was very difficult, ds easy compared, but dd3 is a handful. She has self harmed (although at the moment she's proud she's stopped)), suffers with anxiety, doesn't show much affection, hates helping around the house in any way, doesn't want to do anything, but talk to friends on Twitter and vlog ..

I'm tired, worried, she's like a little alien, not my child, so different to my other 2.

I'm trying to not "sweat the small stuff"! To pick my fights ..

I wish they came with a set of instructions though ..

crje Tue 11-Nov-14 23:20:18

Imalostcause it's frustrating to hear advice thats not easy to apply them in battle.

Instructions would be great

ihatethecold Wed 12-Nov-14 06:41:05

We seemed to have turned a corner with my ds14.
He is a good kid but was talking to me rudely all the time.
Me and his dad sat him down for a chat.
He knew why.
I told him I don't expect him to be perfect but I won't accept anymore rudeness.
I want a please and thank you sometimes.
When I ask him something for him not to reply with a shitty answer.
We told him we are proud of the way he has dealt with a problem with one of his gcse's.
This was a week ago. It's been much better.
I am also trying to be not so grumpy with him.
I know it's not always him!

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