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teenage behaviour

(9 Posts)
jamessophie2014 Tue 28-Oct-14 22:02:07

my son hates living with me. If he is told about somthing which I dislike or believe is inappropriate, like tonight..he goes off on one and starts punching or kicking stuff. Says he hates living here because its boring (I don't have xboxes or nothing) andIs more fun with hith dad because he can do more and go on xbox. I do and give him everything I can. Yesterday we went to chase for a walk and went to collect our pumpkin which he enjoyed. I've let him go swimming today and have his friend stay over. But he's gone off on one and feel like I've been slapped in the face again. I'm also having trouble recently off his dad. How am I supposed to deal with it? I can't ask my parents. Lost my mom 3 years ago and my dad 3 months ago.

jamessophie2014 Tue 28-Oct-14 22:38:59

my son is 13 years old

Jayne35 Thu 30-Oct-14 13:32:06

No advice for you really OP. I just wanted to offer sympathy. I have been where you are but My Exh was in a position to have DS move in with him. The first time (at 13) he went for 3 months then came back for 3 months. Second time he stayed there. DS prefers it there as there are no rules or regulations and I was too strict. DS is 16 now and spends a lot of time with me, we get on better.

I hope your DS dad shares the responsibility/care with you. Sorry to hear of your recent loss. Do you have any siblings for support?

Rainbow1955 Thu 30-Oct-14 14:31:33

Kids drive you crazy!

jamessophie2014 Thu 30-Oct-14 18:13:07

thank you Jane! yeah I have siblings. One of each. kids do drive us crazy. think I might flip out one day in supermarket lol inthe same way and see if he has a surprised expression. Like that advert.

Teresa4965 Sat 01-Nov-14 20:32:34

Hi, my daughter is breaking my heart. She's 16 and has told me she hates me. She hates being told off and threw water over me yesterday. I'm at my wits end and will not argue back because she wants a reaction. Her dad my exh has said she's 16 and can make her own plans. Guess what he lives 80 miles away. For months now her behavior has been a disgrace and I've been the best supportive parent for her but why do I get all the crap ..... Sorry.

Any advice would be great. I suffered recently with 3 seizures so the stress is not doing me any good and she knows that.

BrowersBlues Sun 02-Nov-14 14:07:17

My DS 15 hates me as well and has gone to live with his dad. I am hoping that what happened with Jayne happens to us. At the moment he doesn't want to see me. I just hope things change.

Teresa you are going through a very tough time. Mums tend to get all the crap. My DD is about to turn 18 and to be brutally honest she has been hell to live with at times. I am hardly in a position to give advice but I recently read two books about rearing teenagers - 'Get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town' and 'Blame my brain - the amazing teenage brain'. I wish I had read these books years ago because I got some very handy tips.

There is a section in the teenage brain book about how teenagers are poor at reading emotions because their frontal lobes are not developed which leads to poor decision making and irrational behaviour. Research shows that teenagers are poor at reading emotions in other people's faces. The author says that teenagers brain activity focuses on the amygdala which is associated with high levels of emotional arousal. I honestly wish I had known this!

I have only read these books in the last 2/3 weeks and can see a difference in my parenting. The other day I got a letter from DD's school saying she missed two days at school. A few weeks ago her Principal actually came to our house to tell her she was on her last chance. When I got the letter I flipped. She came in and I asked her to account for the absences and slammed the door behind me as I left the kitchen. Cue complete meltdown on her behalf. Amazingly I stayed extremely calm and just looked at her thinking that she has poor control over her emotions because of her brain development which isn't her fault.

Knowing this made me less critical of her and more inclined to listen to her instead of berating her. I said very little and apologised for being so rude to her when she came in and amazingly she calmed down. She told me that everyone gets those letters. I said I didn't know that and in about ten minutes we were fine again.

I really feel for every parent going through this. My EXH tries to be so cool and doesn't discipline the DC. I am always the bad cop and the DC have exploited this weakness. I may be being too optimistic but at least I am calmer in myself. It still kills me that DS doesn't want to have anything to do with me but I have to accept it. I think he can't handle all the emotions I throw up. He is not much of a talker and myself and DD talk a lot. He doesn't have anyone in his face at his dad's. I wish that I read those books years ago. It might have helped a bit.

Teresa, if your daughter ever throws water on you again ring the police. Both of my DC were violent towards me and I rang the police who were extremely helpful and told DC that the next time they would be arrested.

I hope things improve for everyone.

jamessophie2014 Sun 02-Nov-14 19:12:01

thank you all for your replies and I feel for all others who experience what I am. Its heartbreaking. I am also in no position to forward advice. How can I? But I will however, read those books as I feel they might be helpful at this present moment. Good luck all and hope we all have something to smile about xx

choochoomcgrew Mon 03-Nov-14 19:42:56

Good luck. Mine is 16 and has left to live with her father.
Our relationship isnt any better because of it and I dont particularly get much pleasure out of her visits which are just of convenience for her to go partying and close to her work.
I have that "me and alex" book, I must must read it. Id love to understand her better and also, I have ds 14 who I get on with really well, Id like to pre empt any teenage angst on its way.

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