Summer holiday hell argghhhhhhhhh

[lucydaniels4658]

DD (13)is so demanding always throwing a paddy as i wont allow her to hang round in parks till 11 at night "all my friends are allowed ect ect " everything is very poor me poor me ! I have worked so hard to make sure she doesnt miss out im a single parent and its hard to make ends meet but she NEVER goes without. I cant have a conversation with her everything is met with a shitty tone and eye roll whilst glued to her phone.She doesnt help i have to nag nag nag to get her to even brush her teeth ! She shoves wrappers down side of sofa and generally does not even minor helpful chores unless i go on and on and on then i get sick of my own voice !She twists what i say to make her a permanent victim i say " I work so hard to provide for you and make sure you dont miss out and you wont even take your plate to the sink without me asking at least 20 times " she hears and tells people " im a mistake my mum hates me" argghhhhh! I know this post is very teenage and prob quite common i just feel so downtrodden i feel quite depressed during term time i speak with school daily about her defiance and lack of concentration or effort ! She can be lovely and sunny and sweet just feel like that side has vanished in last 2 weeks!I just feel like the holidays are a daily battle as met with demands of some party that has no adult supervision and then having to explain why not then a battle begins and she spends the day slamming screaming and stomping ! If i suggest a day in london or other activities shes only interested if it involves her aquring the latest trainers!

[Bowlersarm]

Oh dear OP, teenagers are very stressful.

We have the opposite problem, ds2 and ds3 only want to sit indoors on their computer screens and I'm getting frustrated they don't want to do anything, or go out at all.

Can you compromise on anything? Let her do the things you could compromise on, but flatly refuse other things such as staying in the park until 11.00.

[Heyho111]

Nobody warns you that teen years can be the toughest years for a parent in their child's life.
It is normal - yes - but she like mine was , is going through puberty with bells on.
The bad bit it lasted till she was 17. It caused me to be quite low at times. Sanctions don't work , they actually make the situation worse as they start to hate you as well.
One day it stopped. She became an adult overnight. It was weird. She even said on a couple of occasions how awful she was.
Whilst it was going on she had moments of clarity where she explained she had this overwhelming urge to be angry at me, push boundaries and have huge anger. She had know reason why.
But now I have a lovely, independant happy daughter.
I wrote to her rather than talk to her. I told her I loved her. Explained her actions were so hurtful but I would always be there for her. As she could read and think about what I said it was far more effective than talking. It have us short periods of cease fire. They are so egotistical at that age but again that's normal. It does end but not for a while but it does. Just keep that in mind.

[lucydaniels4658]

Thanks guys i stupidly thought toddlers would be the most challenging how wrong was i ! She has ADHD but i cant allow her to use this as an excuse for being so angry i think its just dreaded hormones ! She doesnt care for sanctions or rewards and has no fear of authority at all ! Just hoping she can be slightly better company i took the summer off to spend time with her but im currently just a bank and emotional punchbag! She said "at least i dont swear at you and hit you" pppffttttttt oh thats ok then ;-)

[punygod]

Read 'Get Out Of My Life - But First Take Me And Alex Into Town'.

Great book on living with teenagers. It saved my sanity.

[punygod]

Read 'Get Out Of My Life - But First Take Me And Alex Into Town'.

Great book on living with teenagers. It saved my sanity.

[punygod]

Read 'Get Out Of My Life - But First Take Me And Alex Into Town'.

Great book on living with teenagers. It saved my sanity.

[VenusDeWillendorf]

No, just aware of discrimination, and objecting to it.

A paddy is a derogatory term. Time to stamp out such racist shit.

Or maybe you think racism is OK because it doesn't affect you personally, at this time.

Have a think about it.

[VenusDeWillendorf]

Thanks punygod. It's a bit like New York eh?

[AnnDaloozier]

Your way of telling her of this apparent hideous term was patronising.

[AnnDaloozier]

"Have a think about it " alright mum.

[AnnDaloozier]

The op can't spell etc fgs. Think that's her first concern.

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Venus I'm not so sure anyone is clear on the origin of the term. Some sources say it ISN'T referencing anything Irish.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Throwing%20A%20Paddy

Even if you think someone has used a racial slur, how does you adding Pi and Nr into the mix help?

[pumpkinsweetie]

Maybe I'm uneducated, but I didn't even know that 'paddy' was a racist term. I suspect same with op?

Being rude isn't a nice training either, how about helping op, rather than ridiculing her?

Fwiw op, I have an 11yo who is also becoming rather difficult. Same as your dd, she used to be a lovely kind & considerate young lady, but the hormones have already started and attitude is at an all time high (sigh).... Guess it's something we all have to put up with, although I would still make sure she throws her rubbish in the bin

[pumpkinsweetie]

Not training, I meant trait

[ToffeeMoon]

Oh Venus that was uncalled for. The OP is clearly going through a hard time and that's all you have to say in response? Unkind, unnecessary and very petty.

OP, if it helps, my sister was all this multiplied by 100 when she was a teen - dreadful! However, her and my mum are now the closest of us all.

[HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen]

Paddy is diminutive of Patrick, hence St Paddys day. So it's a tricky on as racial and ethnic slurs go. So it's really about the intent. Based on your interpretation of how this works I suggest you go and tell CheerfulYank she needs to name change too.

There were a zillion and one kinder and more helpful ways you could have worded that post, to educate people about use if the word Paddy, and many examples are available on Mumsnet where the op has kindly been god that a term is racist or disablist. Perhaps if this is important to you you should practise?


Op, teens are hard work, some want to be out all the time, others have to be dragged out the house ..., either are equally frustrating. I read so brilliant advice on here once that might help you. It's ok to put yourself first. Nothing you say or of will make her think about you at the moment, so just do what you need to do.

As for the "I was an accident comments...." She's making herself look like a very silly girl, and if that's the only thing she can pullout the bag to garner attention for her plight than I think you must have done abtremenfous job so far.

[HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen]

God *told

[Sherborne]

Teens do get to an age where everything is about themselves. If it doesn't directly benefit them, they're not bothered about it, or its an effort. This is a normal part of trying to be independent and finding a self identity. Their friendship groups take the place of the family group (in their minds)

Our ds is exactly like this... There's the odd glimmer of the lovely boy he used to be, when you can get through the sulking, "why me", "it's not fair", "what do I get out of it" type responses. But, we know that he is still polite, respectful with other adults (because we've occasionally seen him when he hasn't known).

The best you can do is to pick your battles, lay down some red lines (teens need firm boundaries just the same as toddlers), and provide support when they need it (but don't expect to be thanked for it, until maybe years later ).

[lucydaniels4658]

Wow guys i was hoping girls grew out of bitching by 16 no hope now ;-) .

Thanks for your comments on my spelling I am dyslexic but have a degree so if we are going down the petty road mentioning my awful spelling is discriminatory ! I had genuinely no idea "having a paddy" was racist or even implied to irish (silly yes) !Or i wouldnt have used the term.

DD was pleasant last night till i refused to let her go to this bloody party AGAIN ! She has taken the route of pestering relentlessly till i give in.(she thinks) . The joys :-) .I just need to stand firm but mainly try not to get so anxious (I am a massive worrier mum) think if one of her friends leaves her out or is vile to her i get so upset for her my heart breaks!x

[noddyholder]

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Throwing%20A%20Paddy

[lucydaniels4658]

I had no idea it was racist none at all!

[Bowlersarm]

Venus how lovely of you . Kick the OP while she's feeling down why don't you? (Oh you have). Especially about a phrase where the origin is unclear, and even if it is as you say it is, the OP clearly was unaware.

Good luck with your dd, OP.

[lucydaniels4658]

Thanks ! I am sure she is an average teenager but doing it all alone is an anxious time! When i was younger girls were still vile to each other but once you were at home it was done but now with instagram ,facebook , snapchat ect the fire is always fuelled ! Then the anger is taken out on me! Just be nice if they occasionally said "how are you" or "do you want some help" or even "thanks!" ! I have been told they are slightly less hard work (sometimes!) by 14,15 in terms of the dramas amongst their friendship circles anyhow!