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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

family holidays

18 replies

stickydate65 · 05/06/2014 22:56

WWYD? For the last few years we have had cheap caravan holidays in this country for financial and family reasons. This year we are able to manage one week somewhere sunny. We want to take our 15 year old and her 19 year old sister (Big brother is 21 , doesn't want to come and can take care of himself) This is the first foreign holiday we have been able to have for 10 years! My 15 DD is refusing to come with us unless she can bring a friend, the last 2 years we have allowed her to take a friend on our caravan holidays but this year we don't want to for various reasons including cost and the responsibility of taking another child abroad. Do we insist she comes with us and hope she doesn't sulk and spoil the week for everyone else?, which she is more than capable of doing? She wants us to leave her behind but I feel at 15 she's too young to leave while we're out of the country and I would spend the whole time worrying about her! Deep down I know she really would like a holiday abroad too, She says it would be our fault if she missed out and didn't come as we 're not letting her take a friend! Our 19 year old really wants to come but not without her sister as she thinks she will feel awkward. I was so looking forward to getting a weeks break somewhere warm but now I feel like giving in and just not going anywhere. What advice can you offer me? Have any of you left a 15 year old at home whilst going on holiday? should I just forget the holiday this year or insist she comes with us?

OP posts:

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adeucalione · 06/06/2014 14:20

Tell her she doesn't have to come but is too young to be left home alone, so will be staying with a family friend or relative. If she chooses a week at grandma's over a week in the sun I'll eat my hat, but if she does then it means she really really doesn't want to go so you can head off and have a lovely time without her.

You can't blame her for trying really, since she's used to having a friend along, but it can't happen this year and the sooner she sees the options open to her the better.

Nocomet · 06/06/2014 14:58

She comes, she'll be fine.

Nocomet · 06/06/2014 14:58

She comes, she'll be fine.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 06/06/2014 15:01

Put your foot down. She comes with you. Too young to stay at home.

(You could take a friend though? No more responsibility abroad than away in UK)

stickydate65 · 06/06/2014 18:47

Unfortunately leaving her with someone else isn't an option. Grandparents are in their 80's and not able to cope with a sulky teenager stuck at theirs for the week. I don't want to take a friend as a) I don't actually like any of her friends (although she doesn't know this! They don't behave in the way I expect of my children. b) They would expect us to pay for them, past experience has shown that the two different friends we have taken away the last two years neither of their parents offered even as much as fish and chip money for the holiday! We can't afford to pay for another child or a bigger apartment to house an extra person. I would say we would just take her and hope for the best! but I know she is capable of sulking for the whole week! Should we forget the holiday abroad this year and go without?

OP posts:

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 06/06/2014 22:49

No! That's silly. Tell her she's going with you. if she sulks the whole week then just ignore her and how down the beach or whatever without her.
But stick to your guns and don't be dictated to by a teenager.

adeucalione · 07/06/2014 15:25

I agree. If sulking gets her what she wants then you've got lots more to come.

Leeds2 · 07/06/2014 17:21

I probably wouldn't go. I wouldn't leave her home alone, but I would also hate to be abroad with a teen who was determined to be miserable. I think that would ruin it for everyone.

She may change her mind when she realises that her friend is not going to be coming, and that she will not be having any holiday at all.

Lilaclily · 07/06/2014 17:24

Leave them both at home?
The 19 year old could look after the 15 year old if you pay her?

Nocomet · 07/06/2014 17:42

By 15 you can say fine here's enough money for lunch, if you want sit in your room and sulk fine.

If you want to head to the pool or beach later you know how to put on sun cream and you'll, probably, not drown.

If you get drunk and end up in the local nick you can stay there.

Nocomet · 07/06/2014 17:46

No way can I see snorkling mad DD1(16) staying home in England, even when much older, rather than heading for warm sea.

DD2 will get Hobson's choice until she leaves home.

somedizzywhore1804 · 07/06/2014 17:46

I was a right moody arse at that age but my parents insisted I come on holiday with them until the year I was in lower sixth (so, 17) and as much as I made a fuss I always had a nice time when I got there. Just tell her she's coming and that's that.

LeBearPolar · 07/06/2014 17:52

Stop asking her: tell her. Book the holiday for all four of you and then do what Nocomet says - have a fab time by the pool, on the beach, etc and let her have a strop in her room if that's what she wants to do. It'll only spoil the holiday for everyone if you pander to the sulking and keep trying to coax her to have fun/join in - that gives her all the power. Just ignore her until she's prepared to be mature rather than a brat.

TheFairyCaravan · 07/06/2014 17:54

God, I'm with Nocomet all the way here.

The holiday would be booked, and she'd have no choice but to come. She is 15, she doesn't get to dictate who does what, that's the parent's job! I wouldn't stay at home because she was being a mare!

She won't choose to spend all week sulking in the room. Last year, we went to Majorca with DS2 (DS1 went to Malia), there was a teen girl who came with her parents. She moaned for about an hour on the first morning, had a face like a slapped arse for another hour, stomped off for a bit. Then after lunch she was back out in the sun, for the rest of the week she was laughing and joking in the pool with her dad!

Book it, she'll enjoy it once she gets there.

Nocomet · 08/06/2014 01:24

DD2(13) tries to sulk. She's been trying since she was 6, on and off. We are all very good at ignoring her.

She always comes round in the end.

stickydate65 · 10/06/2014 15:28

Thank you all for your very welcome advice! I think I am just being a bit of a wuss! I KNOW I give into her sulking far too often and I KNOW that makes it worse next time, I just feel railroaded sometimes by her attempts to 'negotiate' in the way as we have always tried to do as a family. I often feel afterwards that her 'negotiations' have got her exactly what she wanted in the first place! I guess I am not very good at this! However, nocomet you are exactly right I must just ignore it and carry on with our plans. This I intend to do, although Lilaclily's suggestion of leaving them both home for the 19 year old to look after her does appeal too! :D Plenty of time for holidays for just hubby and I in the next few years I hope!

OP posts:

Nocomet · 10/06/2014 20:24

I do cheat. I have DD1 who is three years older and doesn't sulk. She likes anything different and has always refused to be a grumpy preteen or engage in teen nonsense.

She is brilliant at jollying DD2 along when she feels she has a point and has zero patience when she goes too far.

bigTillyMint · 11/06/2014 14:17

This is a tricky one. It is boring to be stuck with your parents when you are 15, even in a lovely hot place! They do try to railroad you into letting them do what they want. However, she will have her older sister there - I say book it and remain positive and definite that you will make sure she has the chance to do some stuff she wants to when you get there.

Does the place have free wifi? That has always helped with our teens!

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