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I'm back, DD thread continued

(11 Posts)
CouthyMow Wed 04-Jun-14 10:39:09

I will link to my old thread later, am off out to a dietician appointment for DS3 soon, but the situation has gone from bad to worse with DD, will update everything that's gone on for the last few months later too - couldn't get on MN since the heart bleed password change thing because I can't access the email address I registered with when Noah was a young lad...been here too long!

Let's just say, it got yo the point yesterday where I've had to refuse to have her back for a second time, but this time SS are going to call the police for abandonment (probably because it costs too much to house a 16yo with multiple issues...) to get me to take her back. But I can't. I physically CAN'T any more.

I will do a massive update late tonight, the long and short of it is I was forced to have her home just before she turned 16, and I've had very minimal help again since from SS, and two days ago she smashed my house up and was throwing broken mirror shards at anyone who went near her.

She was charged for criminal damage (the second time she's been taken to court for damaging the home), and despite causing over £100 worth of damage, despite admitting the offence, the judge gave her an absolute discharge, so she now knows that she can smash my house up and I have NO protection from the police because yet again, I'M being made to pay the bloody victim I have to PAY to call the police to keep the rest of my children safe from her violence.

And SS have said that it will not be classed as a safeguarding issue for my other children (as they don't have SW's, ONLY DD does...) until one of them ACTUALLY gets hurt by her. They have actually stated that the needs of my other children and my own needs do NOT matter to them, ONLY DD's needs matter...(and their budget matters, reading between the lines)

If it is going to take one of my other children actually getting physically injured before they will take action, I have to protect them myself, as SS are REFUSING POINT BLANK to help, I CAN'T have her in the house when I don't even have the ability to call the police without getting a financial penalty myself as I'm financially responsible for her, EVEN if I'm the victim of the crime.

Did you know that she could seriously assault me, and I would be liable for her court costs FFS...

CouthyMow Wed 04-Jun-14 10:48:17

Link to old thread.

youmakemydreams Wed 04-Jun-14 10:55:12

I lurked on your last thread and have been thinking about you wondering how things are.
I'm really sorry to hear things haven't improves any. I have no advice I'm afraid but can offer a hand to hold and an ear to rant to.

You have been failed so badly. My friend was in a similar situation, her ds was younger and actually due to a horrible social worker that was really working against them instead of for them opening her big mouth to a violent child they ended up in court charged (falsely) with assaulting their ds they ended up with an official diagnosis and he will be in supported housing for the rest of his life.

It must be so hard to make the decision to not let her back I reply feel for you and respect the strength it has taken for you to come to that decision.

CouthyMow Wed 04-Jun-14 11:00:20

DD not been attending school, disappearing and staying with various boys, never know where she is, bangs on door at 4am demanding to be let in, has actually smashed the house up 12 times since she has been back from FC, but I hadn't called the police because she left the house.

She hasn't hone yo two of her GCSE exams, so won't have enough GCSE's to get on her College course, her benefits will stop in July, no money to feed her with then.

My arthritis has hit my hip now, my movie it's is so severely affected that I can't even get upstairs in my home, I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

I'm a Carer for 5 people.

I don't meet the criteria for the advocacy service here as they are very over stretched and I don't have LD's - even my DBro with Asoergers doesn't meet the criteria for an advocate here!

I am waaaaaaay more than done now.

SW pulled an EVIL trick yesterday - despite me telling SS AND DBit repeatedly that I would not have her back, they brought her here without telling me (I kind of knew because I'd spoken on the phone to someone else in the SW's team and he was too cagey IYSWIM), and made me say right in front of her, over and over, that I wouldn't have her home.

Welcome to Essex, where the SW's perform emotional abuse on a vulnerable disabled 16yo rather than house them, despite knowing that my disabilities are at the point where I'Mgetting assessed for direct payments to pay for a cleaner and a mobility scooter to allow me to do the school run.

Knowing full well what I had no choice but to say. It was FAR harder than last time. She told my DD that I was being childish, she SHOUTED at me repeatedly in the car park that it was tough and I had to have her back...

They've placed her at a school friend's house as a 'private arrangement' for a few days. The SW says it's a 'cooling off period' and that they WON'T house her, but I CAN'T have her back here, I have to think of the safety of my other DC's.

So it's going to be a fun few weeks when you bear in mind that I have 5 exams in 8 days, starting on an English test to get onto my course for next year...

youmakemydreams Wed 04-Jun-14 21:06:32

Hi sorry was out the rest of the day. Have you hears anymore? If she is 16 how can it be abandonment? If she had left home the police wouldn't and couldn't force her to go home so how can you get into trouble for it?
You are being failed so badly and remaining so strong. You are right you cannot wait for one of your younger dc to get hurt before action is taken you have to protect them too.

RandomMess Wed 04-Jun-14 21:11:46

It's disgusting, it really is sad

RhondaJean Wed 04-Jun-14 21:12:31

Jeez couthy.

Good to have you back first of all.

I have nothing helpful to offer except a hand to hold and an ear to listen but that's bloody shocking. Have you tried your local councillor and mp?

AncientsOfMuMu Wed 04-Jun-14 21:15:27

I'm so sorry to read that next to nothing in the way of help and support has been given and that you are in a worse position now your DD is 16.

I watched your previous thread with admiration for you and all that you are having to cope with, and despair and anger with those refusing to assist.

I can't offer any advice but just wanted you to know there are others thinking of you. x

headlesslambrini Wed 04-Jun-14 21:25:02

If she doesnt get the GCSEs for her course, the college will probably offer her a lower level course. Will equate to an extra year at college.

riskit4abiskit Thu 05-Jun-14 16:58:38

So sorry to hear your story. I have no experience but the sw sounds an absolute disgrace and you should consider keeping a very detailed diary of everything.

SalaciousCrumb Fri 06-Jun-14 21:10:16

How are things Couthy?

I hope you are able to put in a massive complaint to Children's Services.

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