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So upset (again) by DS attitude

(11 Posts)
Jayne35 Sat 10-May-14 00:07:38

This is my first post. Don't want to drip feed so background: DS has had behavioural problems since he was about 7, he's almost 16 now. He has never thought about consequences of his actions and how they affect others. Tried counselling, NSPCC group, Doctors etc. They all say nothing wrong with him (I divorced his dad when he was 9 so that tends to be blamed for his issues now). DS lives with his Dad (his choice two years ago) We were getting on better as I didn't have the day to day stuff to deal with (his Dad chooses not to work so has time to go to the school when they call constantly).

Anyway recently found out he had stolen many things from both me, my DD and my sis/parents. He has a weed habit. None of my family (or me) have seen him lately as we are waiting for him to at least apologise (he has to me but no-one else). I pay for a phone contract for him and found out today he had sold the phone and the contract sim, I normally message him on FB so I hadn't tried the number, when I did ring tonight I got some random woman who told me she bought the phone with sim in. I was livid, and really upset. I have messaged him and he doesn't get what my problem is as I have to pay the monthly amount until the contract ends anyway - his words! This is just one more thing in a whole list of things. I'm so sick of crying over DS, seems to be all I do. I just don't understand why he is like this. My DD18 is lovely and honest, how can they be so different?

I just needed to vent, so thank you if you read my rant.

Scousadelic Sat 10-May-14 00:13:40

I'm afraid that if my DS sold a phone that was in my name without my knowledge I would report it as stolen, have it blocked and let him deal with the consequences

If he will not change his behaviour then the only option is to change yours so that he cannot do this to you, don't allow yourself to be put in situations.

So sorry OP, hope things improve

Jayne35 Sat 10-May-14 10:22:57

Reported it stolen to phone company straight away. Previous theft I reported to the police too. I'm no soft touch. Just very sad.

richteaaddict Wed 14-May-14 05:18:55

OP, oh god, reading your post is like reading my mind. My DS is 15, lived with his dad until 8 weeks ago, he too choose to live with his dad after we divorced but only because he wanted to stay at school with his friends, all was well till about 18 months ago, when DS went off the rails, he started staying out, going to parties august last year i found he had been self harming, that was just the the beginning, he too smokes weed, but it turned out he was the "go between" he as since told me he was getting around £120 a week/month (cant remember which i was horrified). i contacted CAHMS because of the self harming, and i thought we were getting somewhere..but oh no, his relationship with his dad broke down, so 8 weeks ago i brought him home..he was a broken boy, moved away from his friends, to somewhere he knows no one, it took me 7 weeks to get him into school, and i am so proud of him. However the money issue, since he as been with us money as gone missing, so we now lock all money in the house away,he is so negative about everything, and needs constant reassurance. Yesterday was my mums 1st day of radiotherapy, i had an urgent appt and need treatment for erosion on my cervix, and my aunty (who as been a rock over the years) was told her cancer treatment needed to stop!!! i had s shit day, DS came home from school, i asked how it was, was he going out with his friends, to which i got is that a joke, i have no friends. i know he is isolated, the conversation escalated, and we ended up arguing, i took his mobile phone, that i pay £40 a month for. i tried to explain about money etc, this turned into a full scale row.we were int he middle of going out, so i put his phone in my bag and told DD to wait in car, because i know his temper i told her t lock the door.....and true to form he was banging on car shouting give me my phone. i lost it, and slapped him, and i regret it so much..........finally i ended up calling the police because i was so scared of what he might do ( he picked a garden fork up from garden)........... all this erupted from a discussion about money.

The police will report to social services today, which i am happy about, becasue i cant go on like this any more.

so sorry to off load, but just to say your not alone.

vociferous Wed 14-May-14 05:39:12

Gosh, that's awful. Sorry to hear this. Please stay safe!

smileyforest Wed 14-May-14 08:23:47

I am having the worst time of my life with my 17yo boy....had a blow out last night...he threw a mug of hot tea....says he has split from gf....Id had enough of lies about smoking in bedroom (weed too) met up with gf parents and they had concerns too....I set rules for how I want my home respected...and if he didnt like it ...must make a choice....its come down hard ...I work full time + single the house is free a lot...and its been abused...I'm exhausted...he text me to say I'm the worst parent ever and I have caused all his problems....I feel sad but understand he is angry right now....not an easy way to live....I have empathy OP...weed is a lot of the problem and its as easy as buying sweets...(:

Jayne35 Wed 14-May-14 12:05:35

Thank you for your messages, I feel for you also Richtea and Smiley. It's good to know I'm not alone and from talking to other parents/reading forums it really does seem like weed has become a massive problem. It was smoked when I was at school but not like this, it's just so popular at the moment.

My DM and DSIS have since been to see DS, they got sick of waiting for him to call or visit and apologise. Apparently he really regrets his stealing, won't ever do again etc. Trouble is I have heard all this before! I will continue to speak to him but my DH does not want him in the house right now (and I can't really blame him for that). Also, It's DS birthday soon and I don't know what to do....If I buy a gift it will probably be sold - he has sold all previous Christmas gifts and Birthday presents, and if I give him money, it would be spent on weed.

richteaaddict Wed 14-May-14 20:08:54

Hi Jane, and smiley, i have spent the whole morning in A+E with a very sad boy, i am sure the argument yesterday triggered so much, i now have a hole in my wall, and once again we are in crisis!!! weed as so much to answer for, i understand my boys life is tough, and it numbs pain, but the downer after is unbearable......... i think if someone offered me something at the min that would numb everything for a while, id consider, however, 1 would need a shed load, and it wouldnt last forever, life is life and we have to live it..god or bad.........

As for birthday present, id buy a small cheap gift, and put the money to one side for when things get better (fingers crossed......xx)

stay strong and thank you for the support, im sorry we met in these circumstances.x

smileyforest Wed 14-May-14 20:18:56

Well....this site...helps with support. Have a friend in RL going through it as well..I just hope my son grows out of it....underneath he is a lovely lad.....heartbreaking isn't it..... x

EverythingCounts Wed 14-May-14 20:25:40

Really sorry for all of the sadness you are feeling, OP, and also richtea and smiley. Fingers crossed that things improve little by little.

Jayne35 Wed 14-May-14 22:02:32

I hope your son is ok after the A&E visit richtea. This site does seem to help, I have only been on here a few months. My son can also be lovely and very loving, got a text last night saying goodnight, I love you Mum, which reminded me how nice he can be.

Thank you for the birthday gift tip, I was actually considering opening an account for him that he can't access until he's 18, but a small gift and maybe a meal out might be a good plan.

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