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Would you let your 13 yr old DD go shopping with her bank card?

(13 Posts)
unlucky83 Sun 04-May-14 11:35:36

DD1 just 13 wants to go shopping today with her friends -for a party dress. We thought £30 would be the top amount she should spend on one.
She is extremely scatty - loses everything -bus pass , phone, PE kit etc etc

She has a savings account I'm should still be in charge of with quite a bit of money in and she also has a card account. She has put birthday money and cheques in the card account and has (IIRC) about £300 in there but agreed to move some to her savings account but we haven't got round to it yet.
(not sure with the card you could get access to her savings account? -I don't think so but not 100% sure)

The plans keep changing (driving me insane!), she currently at an activity that finishes at the same time as DD2. I was going to pick up younger DD2, she was supposed to come home, we'd all go out - get her some money (£50) from her account on the way and then meet her friends ...

Now she wants to meet her friends earlier, straight after the activity (in fact she tried to pull out of the activity but I wouldn't let her -would be letting people down at the last minute) near the activity...

I don't have any cash on me so will have to go and get some ...I've told her she can go later on the bus and meet them in the city -but now not sure I'm comfortable with that (being on her own before they meet up etc)

So now either I do a 3 mile round trip to get her some money ...or I give her her card and the pin (she can never remember it) and she can go with her friends...and go straight to her activity after I've picked up DD2 (opposite direction to the cash machine!)...

Would you trust a scatty 13 yo with a bank card? It is her money and if she spends it all she'll have no more ...but two of girls she is going with might encourage her to spend...ahhhhh....(and at the back of mind -if she loses it can they get into her savings account...which would be a disaster)

HoneyDragon Sun 04-May-14 11:41:50

If she spends £300 she can return it all and have her card confiscated.

Can you not call the bank today and get them to transfer £200 to her savings account?

HoneyDragon Sun 04-May-14 11:42:15

Surely she is as likely to lose £50 as her card?

ilovepowerhoop Sun 04-May-14 11:43:40

they cant get into the savings account using the debit card as the account details for the savings account wont be associated with that card.

unlucky83 Sun 04-May-14 11:48:19

I'm not sure how linked up they are - when I got the card she was 11 ...there was something about her automatically getting a card on her saving account and there is no way on earth she was getting that - this was a compromise and we are building up to her managing her own money!
If she loses £50 she loses £50 - she won't get a dress - but with the card she'll have to look after the card (can only use to take money out - not a debit card) and the money - and once she doesn't need the card anymore....

ilovepowerhoop Sun 04-May-14 11:50:37

the card will only be associated with 1 account - does it not have the account details on it?

unlucky83 Sun 04-May-14 11:56:39

It is a different account ...
I guess there is no way the (same) bank would let her (or someone else) use it to access a different account in her name?..confused -I think the savings account is mainly in my name anyway..
I think I have to find out how closely linked etc they actually are ...she has some inherited money in there - probably too much for her to have free reign with even when she is 16!
Think I am going to trust her with her card confused -feel slightly sick about it though ....

ilovepowerhoop Sun 04-May-14 11:59:42

to access a different account they would have to go into the bank branch and the signature would have to match the card and they would probably need ID. With it being Sunday the bank branches would not be open to do that.

Nocomet Sun 04-May-14 12:01:21

Yes. DD's both take their bank cards shopping. Neither have much over a £100 in their account (DD1 probably less, she spends it).

I don't look at their bank statements. I only ask if they are off on a distant trip and might need emergency train fare to replace lost tickets etc.

soontobeslendergirl Sun 04-May-14 18:56:01

How did it go then OP?

My sensible 13 year old son and my scatty 12 year old son both have their own cash cards for their accounts and are allowed to take them out shopping. Eldest probably has about £400 in his and scattercash younger has about £140. They can use them as switch cards but they can only be used on that account and not on their savings accounts.

I've shown them how to take cash from the machine discretely and also shown them the best machines to use. i.e. inside the shopping centre at a nice public open area rather than the one next to McDonalds with loads of dodgy looking people hanging about. I've also told them that if they get their number wrong twice, not to try again even if they think they might know it. In that case, they need to phone me and I'll tell them the number.

It's been fine. At the end of the day, it's their money. Even younger son doesn't like to see his account drop below £100 so he is managing to limit himself. In the main he likes to buy computer games and as most of the ones he wants are above his age limit, that seems to sort him out. He can pretty much pass for 15 but most of the game shops ask for ID as a matter of course so he has no chance smile

teenagetantrums Sun 04-May-14 19:03:28

My DD is 17 and has lost her bank card 3 times in the last year,but never been an attempt to use it, she has also lost her oyster card twice, drives me mad, I think cards are safer than cash, when she lost her purse last week she lost the £20 that was in it, i wasn't going to replace it for her. Hope her shopping trip went well

unlucky83 Sun 04-May-14 23:21:36

Sorry was going to update sooner and had a minor trauma...
In the end she didn't take it - her activity ran over, she missed her lift and I ended up giving her a lift to the city...I told her she could take the card but she choose to go to the cash point (on her own) and then wanted me to look after her card ...
Took £50 out and has come home £30 lighter - with no dress shock...but it is her money (birthday & Christmas close together so no more lump sums for best part of a year).
She spent so much because after shopping another parent took them to the funfair...and apparently it was expensive...especially because she bought a wristband - and then the trip was cut short ...
The reason for my minor trauma. She hurt her neck on one of the rides and the parent was so concerned by her reaction etc they brought her home straight away... after much moaning etc and in the 2 hours it took for NHS 24 to call me back it started getting better...
I started getting some teenage attitude again - (and actually was pleased about it wink).
She's had some paracetamol and is now asleep...hopefully it will still be ok/better tomorrow - or it will be a trip to A&E sad

soontobeslendergirl Sun 04-May-14 23:34:32

Oh dear! Hope she feels better tomorrow.......and enjoys her party without the new dress!!

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