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Naive, thoughtless dd, 15

(40 Posts)
doglover Fri 18-Apr-14 21:59:13

My dd and her friend popped out before 7:30 to our local shop. They should have been home within 20 min. After half an hour we tried their phones ............. no reply. After an hour, I reluctantly contacted the other girl's parents but they hadn't heard anything either. We went out looking for them to no avail - it was completely dark by now. They walked in at gone 9pm not aware that we'd been frantic with worry because they'd not been in touch.

I really let rip and told them how disappointed we were with their thoughtless behaviour. We're not strict parents but do expect to be kept in touch with what our dds are doing.

Our dd did apologise sincerely and realised how upset we were. Should we leave it there and 'move on' tomorrow? Have further discussions about consequences?

dexter73 Fri 18-Apr-14 22:11:17

Did you tell them they had to come home straight away? Also why didn't they answer their phones - no signal or just didn't answer?

rootypig Fri 18-Apr-14 22:15:59

Revoke privileges for next weekend, or whenever she next goes out, for one night. That was the standard, always-the-case consequence in my house if I missed curfew and it worked well. DM explained that if I missed curfew, I kept her up worrying - so I could see it was fair.

doglover Fri 18-Apr-14 22:30:05

Thanks for the replies. It didn't even occur to us to say come straight home because she always has. Our dd hadn't taken her phone and her friend's was on silent so didn't know we were trying to contact her.

I think the revoke privileges idea is the best way to go. She needs to understand the consequences for her actions.

If this is the first time, your concern might well be enough to make her remember to be less daft for a while. I think leave it there, tomorrow's another day, but explain that if she worries you like that again then there will be a consequence.

doglover Fri 18-Apr-14 22:35:53

Thanks everyone.

RufusTheReindeer Fri 18-Apr-14 22:36:57

Agree with remus

doglover Fri 18-Apr-14 22:38:56

We'll see how contrite she is tomorrow and, hopefully, be able to move on. If she appears defiant, we'll use the 'revoke' route!

Sounds like a plan! smile

rootypig Fri 18-Apr-14 22:41:42

Perhaps if revoking is a consequence you agree with / are going to practise, you could say this time, no worries, you simply didn't think (which I think is generous and likely to help put DD on right footing) but in future, that will be the consequence. I think it's better if teenage DC know the consequence of behaviour beforehand, iyswim.

AgentProvocateur Fri 18-Apr-14 23:00:41

I think you're overreacting. They're 15, and you didn't tell them to come straight home, yet they were home by 9.... Do you really expect to keep tabs on them constantly at that age?

alita7 Sat 19-Apr-14 00:36:59

I can see they problem but can see why if you didn't say to come straight home that they may have got distracted. I would remember to say what is expected next time. If she still comes back more than say 10- 20 minutes late then punish her, if not you can assume it was an accidental slip up.

Bedsheets4knickers Sun 20-Apr-14 17:06:17

Sorry I think your going over the top. Their 15 not 10 !

mumeeee Sun 20-Apr-14 17:57:55

I'm another one who thinks you are going over the top. They went out at 7.30 and were back by 9 so only gone for an hour and a half. They are 15 and you didn't give them a time to be back by,

Brakeover Sun 27-Apr-14 22:59:53

I am surprised that she would only be out for twenty minutes or have to let you know she would be out longer or you would be " frantic with worry"

I used to wander around for hours as a child at ten , in the seventies, times have changed , but to not be able to have a little impromptu chat or sit down on a bench and chat with a mate without your parents being frantic seems way over the top they are surely old enough for that?

Do you live in a very dangerous area?

joanofarchitrave Sun 27-Apr-14 23:04:44

Seems over the top to me, but I accept I don't have a 15-year-old daughter.

Brakeover Sun 27-Apr-14 23:09:45

I mean don't you get to an age here you re your own person and, within reason, parents don't always know your whereabouts?

Trollsworth Sun 27-Apr-14 23:12:30

You know that on her next birthday, she can fuck off to Gretna Green and get married, move out and never bother speaking to you again?

Not that I think she will, I'm just trying to put your "she went to the shop and didn't come back immediately!" Rage into perspective.

Trollsworth Sun 27-Apr-14 23:13:17

What the fuck, this is not my name! What has happened?

thenightsky Sun 27-Apr-14 23:15:14


Trollsworth Sun 27-Apr-14 23:17:14

This is the first day I logged in since the heartbleed thing. Trolls worth is not my nickname! I'm normally colditz.

AgentProvocateur Mon 28-Apr-14 07:10:32

Colditz, did you change your password? After heartbleed, we all had to sign in with new passwords.

jasminemai Mon 28-Apr-14 07:13:42

Your dd sounds like an angel child for a 15 year old!

Mrsantithetic Mon 28-Apr-14 07:26:56

I'd just say in future if your going to stay out let us know and leave it there. Seems a bit OTT to me really but I know it's a worry when they do things out of character

Mrsjayy Mon 28-Apr-14 08:57:47

I also think you are being slightly OTT you did panic and they came home at 9 they are 15 got side tracked if your dd was on her own and didn't come back from the shop then i can see the point just tell them to let you know if they are going elsewhere, you can't keep tabs on 15 yr olds like that

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