Any good advice / strategies? And how long will this awful phase last?

[Katylou1234]

Well seems as I have recently discovered this site I may as well make use of all you helpful people out there!

I am currently spending what seems to be the majority of my time battling with my soon to be 13 year old. In the last 12 months ( in fact probably since starting high school) she has altered beyond belief.

She is still a good kid at heart, is doing really, really well at school and is one of the brightest in her year, the teachers are all pleased with her - BUT at home she is a nightmare. She has gone from a cheerful happy girl to a totally stroppy ungrateful madam!!

I know its hormones and all that,and I do try to pick my battles - but I literally get one word answers all the time, when she does talk she mumbles under her breath so we have no clue what she is saying. She argues about EVERYTHING, then makes out like she never said what she actually said, rolls her eyes constantly, never apologizes without being prompted to do so, huffs and strops about, and never remembers anything she is asked to do or only does half job and so on. I spend most of my time battling with her about how she speaks to people -mainly us and her siblings (if we have company she just sits in the corner being quiet to the point of almost rudeness) or telling her to put her phone down when I am talking to her. She never seems to do anything off her own back without being told it needs doing ( pe kit into wash and so on) Its driving me bonkers and I feel my time is taken up trying to sort dd out so much that her younger siblings are not getting an equal share of my attention. She can be lovely when she puts her mind to it ( or she wants some money to go out with friends etc!! ) but it only lasts a day if we are lucky!

So far her school work hasn't slipped and I don't want to rock the boat any further, we have rules about her phone and screen time and so on and for the most part she abides by them. She has a couple of out of school interests as well so on the whole I think we are doing ok and I know she could be so much worse and that we are probably lucky!- its just grinding me down tbh!

I think I am more concerned about how long this is going to last - the thought of the next 5 or 6 years of this and it getting worse is depressing!!

Does anyone have any good ideas I can use to try and diffuse things, and in terms of girls being teenagers does this stroppy ungrateful stage last ?

Thanks in advance!!!

[theprofessional]

Haha! no helpful advice here but my dd has just 'turned' like this aged 15. The vague one word answers are driving me mad. She's stroppy and bad tempered if asked to do anything at all, messy, selfish, rude. She has her first fairly 'serious' boyfriend which may have something to do with it? And she used to be so lovely......

[yourlittlesecret]

No advice, I have boys , but my deepest sympathy over the mumbling.

[chocoluvva]

Sounds quite early for huffing and puffing and eye-rolling etc so hopefully she'll be one of those teens who are early to come out of the other side. Try to be proud of your advanced DD

Could you compromise on her being in attendance when you have company? Perhaps not - just something you could possibly think about. Perhaps she could show her face when the company is leaving and speak briefly?

Re only doing half a job etc - that sounds very familiar. She is old enough now to learn the natural consequences of this sort of behaviour now. So instead of being cross with her for forgetting half her gym kit or whatever, let her experience the result - detention/inconvenience to herself/whatever.

Don't get drawn into arguments. Walk away. Say 'We've been through this - I'm not going to argue.' Brisk and calm vague agreement with her when she grumps. Allow her to make her own choices as far as you can stand to.

It's such a shock to the system having a teenager for the first time. I sympathise. Get her a good multi-vit and mineral supplement for women of child-bearing age - it won't hurt.