Despairing of accident prone DD1

[TeenAndTween]

DD1 is 14, nearly 15. I don't think she has had a single week in the last 4 months when she hasn't been injured /complained of something in some way or another.

We have had:

• injured foot by tripping over chair whilst getting off her bed (lasted 6 weeks, we had to drive her to/from school)
• chest pain causing breathing difficulties, probably caused by lifting something at DofE (checked out by A&E)
• back pain, probably caused by carrying lightweight laptop to school (now stored at school)
• ringing in ear (caused by going to external music workshop?)
• left wrist bandaged up overnight (caused by failing to catch a ball during PE)

And those are just the major ones I can remember.

It is always like this. I find I run out of sympathy, and then feel bad.

Would I be unreasonable to say she can't get her ears pierced (again, last lot done y6, had to remove due to infection), until after she has had say 4 weeks free of ailments???

I have reason to believe she may be dyspraxic, though we haven't pursued an assessment. But still ....

[Seeline]

If these are real injuries I don't think you can punish her by not having her ears pierced.
However, my DD (although only 9) is a bit of a drama queen, and every knock/scratch/bang is almost life threatening in her eyes! I tend to ignore most of her complaints - she comes home from school most days moaning about something.
Is your DD really injured or just trying to get attention? Don't know much about dyspraxia, but aren't people with it more uncoordinated than others?

[TeenAndTween]

I think it falls into 2 camps with her.

The ones listed above I think are real, and certainly with the foot and chest pain, she was in quite a lot of discomfort.

Other times I think stuff that other people would shrug off, she tends to dwell on. So other things people would say, "oh yes I slightly scratched myself, give it a quick wash and get on with it", she will ask for a plaster etc. Also if I ask how her day went, she won't tell me the good stuff, she will say "I banged my arm on the desk in history", or whatever. I find this quite wearing.


I'm not really thinking about punishment, when I say delay the ear piercing. More that I don't think I can face it if it hurts, or gets infected, or, or ...

It also makes us reluctant to do some things with her. e.g. she loves ice skating, but no way are we taking her in the first part of Easter, as we are going away the second half, and we just can't take the risk of a real (or imagined) injury.

(And yes, one of the signs of dyspraxia is being more uncoordinated. She has various other signs as well such as difficulty remembering / processing instructions)

[Nocomet]

Sorry I shouldn't laugh, but it seems par for the course with teen girls. DD1 had an ankle she was forever spraining.

She even manage to hurt it walking from the cinema (I supposedly absolutely safe, last day of the holidays outing)

She pulled a muscle in her neck, standing up and managed various other mishaps.

DD2 is forever in the wars, generally gymnastics related.

This term she has done her foot twice ending up off school.

Then she managed to start her periods, be ill and do something completely daft on the trampoline causing another note to school and a row with the new medical officer (as she isn't going to say she's got period pains to a stranger with other pupils present).

Given she also broke both her arms at primary school, I do get slightly fed up and worry what she'll manage next.

[Vatta]

Sounds like dyspraxia. Bear in mind as well as the lack of coordination, there are physical problems found in dyspraxia like hyper mobility and low muscle tone which may explain why minor injuries are affecting her more badly than you'd expect.

Can I ask why you're not pursuing a diagnosis? I'm dyspraxic and having a better understanding of it, getting advice re strategies etc has made a massive difference to my life.

And I think you should let her have her ears pieced, I was punished/criticised a lot growing up for things that are caused by dyspraxia (messiness, etc) and so I'm quite sensitive about that!

[TeenAndTween]

Would having a formal diagnosis help?

We already say to her she seems to have a number of dyspraxic traits, and she is allowed a WP for her GCSEs. otoh with a diagnosis we could tell the teachers the label.

We mainly haven't pursued it as we have had other things that have taken up our energy, e.g. 2 years of braces, heavy non-regular periods, issues regarding her being adopted, all the accidents, etc. Also it has been a dawning realisation over time, especially since secondary, since the processing related issues have really only become more blatantly obvious since then.

OK. Ears piercing it is then. But only after her DofE weekend at the end of April.

How do you get an assessment for dyspraxia anyway?

[Vatta]

I think it does help to have a diagnosis - partly because it's a label which is easier for people to understand/makes it easier to access resources- but also because if you can confirm that's the problem then there's a lot of advice about how to deal with it.

Once I read the books, dyspraxia forums etc, there were so many things that I hadn't realised were different for me, and so many strategies for dealing with them. I spent years just thinking I was a bit useless, before identifying the problem properly.

Start by seeing your gp to ask for a diagnosis - it can be done by an educational psychologist/an occupational therapist depending on the range of symptoms.

And agreed its sensible to wait for after d of e!

[cory]

I agree with Vatta about having her investigated for dyspraxia.

I'd also wonder if there could be an element of anxiety there- thinking of the breathing difficulties, which could be hyperventilating of some kind.

Remember the one need not exclude the other.

My dd has perfectly genuine Ehlers Danlos syndrome, which results both in chronic pain and frequent injuries, but the way she copes with the effects has changed dramatically in the last few years, with CBT counselling.

Before, any minor hurt would send her into a blind panic where she would tense up and send her muscles into spasm, making the pain ten times worse and resulting in lasting pain that went far beyond the initial injury. Then there would be the anxiety symptoms like hyperventilating or vomiting, making everything worse still.

Having awareness of what is going on is actually helping her to manage the symptoms.

The good news is, having had to work through the way she reacts to pain, she is actually quite good at managing even the kind of pain that throws most of us, because she has had that training in separating actual pain from anxiety-induced pain.

Dh and I have also learnt to cut down on our panicking. Before I used to go into a cold sweat whenever dd fell over or bashed herself because I was dreading the endless upheaval: now I am more "well, I'll panic when I can see that I need to".

But they were tough years.

[mrsjay]

if your daughter is dyspraxic then she wil be clumsy and disorganised why have you not had her tested please do it will explain a lot. dd is dyspraxic she is very sensitive to pain and her joints are weak she hurts a lot, I dont think punsihing your dd if she wants her ears pierced is the way to go let her get it done and remind her to clean them , dyspraxia isn't a mild condition or something to ignore get her tested ask for an OT referrel you can do it yourself and then you will understand your dd better,

[TeenAndTween]

OK. Just to clarify,

• it wouldn't be a punishment, more a 'there's been so many things to deal with, do we really want another one with potential to go wrong?'
• 'remind her to clean them' yes could do this. But there are more important things I still need to remind her about, e.g. schoolwork, hair washing, taking right equipment to drama etc. This would be yet one more thing.
• refer to my previous answer as to why we haven't asked for referral up to now. Lots of other higher urgency items, plus dawning realisation that her issues are not just due to delay due to poor early life experiences. (Plus being unsure what anyone could actually do to help)

But yes, I think the time has come we should refer.

[mrsjay]

It will make her and your life a little better if you know and she can get help in school as well, atm set her small tasks to remember dont give her to many instructions at once and get her a checklist of what she needs to do every day, helped us in the early years of it, if you really think she wont cope with her ears then say no say you can when you are X age but not atm