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Both of my girls are suffering

(8 Posts)
jcoates Fri 21-Mar-14 17:19:19

I have 2 teenage daughters that are suffering with depression and I feel so helpless. No 1 is 14 and has always been shy and quiet but now she is suffering from anxiety and on the verge of panic attacks when she is faced with anything that she is nervous about.
No 2 is 13 and has gone from being a very happy and confident young lady to being withdrawn and distant. She has started self harming and wishing she was dead. We have seen the Gp with both of them and they have been referred to the CAMHS but we have been warned that there is a huge waiting list so it will be some time until they get yhe help they need.
No2 is particularly struggling with school. There is a small group of boys that have been doing the usual silly playground name calling which she has no coping skills to deal with. It has got to the point that her Gp has recommended I keep her home from school. Her school is being amazing and giving her work to do at home but she is insisting that the cure is to move her to another school. This is a crazy idea as I have tried to explain to her. She has friends at her school who try to support her and her older sister trys to support her at school too. If she moved school she wouldn't have that support network. But she insists that she needs a 'fresh start' and that would make her better. When I try to get her to explain why she just shuts me out or bursts into tears.
Im at my wits end, I have no idea where to turn and I have no idea what to do for the best.
I just wish I could fix everything and make my girls better

anthropology Fri 21-Mar-14 19:12:17

so sorry things are so tough, particularly with two teen DDs struggling. I know how hard it was with one. Is there a link with both girls and their depression ? They seem very close in age. I know it was hard for my DS, when my DD was ill so my family advice would be to deal with them as individuals rather than siblings, and allow them to focus on getting themselves stronger rather than each other. (you are probably doing this) .

If DD2 is also struggling with school,I wonder has she had an ed psych assessment ?

I would hope that with two teens, Camhs would push you up the list a bit. Also if DD2 will not attend school, they do need to take notice. Update them regularly and hassle , if you are getting worried about DD2 and her low mood.

I dont know how to advise, other than I moved schools for my DD during recovery from severe depression which really helped, so it might be something to consider for the future, as it can make a difference to make a fresh start when they are feeling stronger a better.

Young minds, has a callback service, in case they can give you advice and useful website info . Relate seems to offer a childrens service in some areas now . I got myself CBT via the GP which helped me understand how to communicate in these situations. best of luck to all of you.

jcoates Sun 23-Mar-14 07:29:47

Thankyou for your advice and support, it is a massive help to know im not the only one going through this.

There is alot of depression in the family unfortunately. My mum sufffers from it and I have in the past too. On reflection the girls have been through alot over the past few years. Me and their dad split up, I remarried, their step dad had a serious accident that has left him disabled, money problems because of the accident, their dad remarried and constantly argues with his wife (so the girls tell me). So its no wonder they are struggling.

DD2 has shown slight improvement being away from school and she has started to open up to me a bit. She really does hate her school and the other kids at the school she really is desperate to move school and it turns out the school she wants to go to she is friends with a couple of girls there. I have told her I will look into this school and it maybe something to consider in the future when she is feeling stronger. This has made a massive impact to her mood and im getting a glimpse of my happy DD again that I havent seen for a long time.

As you said im treating the girls as individuals rather than siblings they are being very supportive of each other and im trying to split my time between them and their 11 year old brother (who shows no signs of depression).

Thankyou again for your support

Littlemai Sun 23-Mar-14 07:37:44

I don't know if it is appropriate but I recentley came across a charity called Red Balloon, their focus is on children who have been bullied and so school becomes to much. They have schools and I think some outreach to support the children in building their confidence and self esteem. It might be worth contacting them, they may have some advice or contacts that could be supportive? I hope you are ok x

Flicktheswitch Sun 23-Mar-14 07:40:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yeehaw Sun 23-Mar-14 18:33:55

Why is moving schools such an impossible idea?

sicily1921 Tue 25-Mar-14 13:41:59

Hi Jcoates, I am so sorry to hear what you are dealing with, it must be a massive struggle.

Would it be a difficult issue to change DD2 school if she feels it will help her so much? Is it further away or something? Do you think it is worth visiting it with DD to check it out and make sure it will be ok?
What in particular is making her dislike the present school apart from the silly boys in the playground, which every school I'm sure has.

Do your daughters do any sort of activity or hobby with others which might build up their confidence, my DD 12yr and DS 14yrs are quiet children with not many friends but I have found a good martial arts class which has done them good. Something to focus on and look forward to will do them good and stop them thinking as much about other things that make them anxious And I agree with the poster who says that you should be given some s.ort of priority by the CAMHS as you have the two DCs.

I hope things get better soon, thinking of you all flowers

bishbashboosh Tue 25-Mar-14 14:09:10

Poor you. My son suffers but is up and down, we waited 9 months before I pestered and pestered as he was thinking there were people in the house about to kill him.

We seriously considered moving school, please do consider that xx

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