Daughter retaliated(8 Posts)
Hi i am new to the mumsnet my first time posting.
I would like some advice about my 16 yr old daughter. My daughter started getting bullied at the age of 14 and had taken overdose it was that bad we were so shocked and saddened that things had got that bad for her and felt powerless at the time. We got her in to see a councillor and it has been a rough ride but she got through it and was getting back to the happy go lucky daughter we all knew and loved thank god.
My daughter then had her first real boyfriend when she was 16 and she was even happier then as she said she did not feel so alone anymore everything was great until i noticed that he was becoming a tad controlling and i had a little chat with her about it as you do and she had noticed the same and said what should she do i said maybe she should speak with him about it and if she felt that it was getting out of hand to end the relationship considering what she had already been through with the bullying at 14. I was a bit worried to say the least. My daughter came home one day after our discussion and said she had ended the relationship as he was getting worse. I was pleased as any mother would be by this time she was 16 and 8 months. Since then til now she has constantly been harassed by abusive phone calls from him and his sister & mother. This has been all very upsetting and stressful and last Saturday the sister and her friends were shouting abuse & threatening her in our local McDonalds and my daughter was scared and the manager threw them out.
Tonight my daughter and her friend were walking by local shops and the sister was there with 6 other girls hurling abuse and saying fowl things in public and my daughter ignored them and carried on walking so the sister and her friends ran up to my daughter and was screaming and shouting at her and was very threatening and my daughter was shaking at this point and thought the girl was going to hit her so my daughter grabbed her hair first out of fear and there was a bit of a scuffle then the sisters mother appeared and broke it up screaming at my daughter saying she is reporting her to the police. My daughter rang me in tears and was in a state shaking and said could i go pick her up.
Got home made her a sweet tea and told her to have shower and put PJ's on and we would cuddle up on sofa then the phone rang it was the police saying my daughter assaulted the sister and implied my daughter was the offending party which was not the case but she did grab her hair first but out of fear of what she was going to do to her. My daughter and i are now worried that police will charge my daughter for assault as it will show that on CCTV outside shops that my daughter grabbed her hair first but that was not what is was really like.
What could the police do to my daughter as she has never been in trouble ever and she has been constantly harassed by this girl.
The police are only acting on information they have been given. Speak to them and explain the full story - get legal advice if necessary. You could always report the other girl for harassment. You also need witnesses and preferably not just your DDs friends - was anyone else around who heard the verbal abuse? TBH the police are unlikely to want to pursue something so minor.
You could ask the police to speak to the stafd at mc donalds to confirm the abuse she received from them in there
If they saw it on CCTV that your daughter pulled hair first they will also see that the sister went up to her hurling abuse?!
It's not like it was an unprovoked attack. That will be taken into consideration. The police aren't stupid and your daughter may get an informal caution fingers crossed.
How scary for your DD!
I'm sure that once the full story is known, it will be all right, but if this girl does similar again, take no prisoners - contact the police immediately!
Whatever happens do not let your DD accept a caution unless directly advised to do so by a solicitor.
I would record all examples of abuse over the next month and then go to the police and report the boy and his family for harassment in about 40 days.
Get legal advice. Don't let her speak to anyone without it.
They are acting on opinion. Not fact. So, all they need is information.
Legally speaking, a person can be charged with assault without even laying a finger on someone if they are sufficiently threatening, so show the Police any texts you might still have, ask them to talk to anyone on shift at the McDonald's and confirm that, yes, your DD DID grab the girl in question because she felt she was at risk of physical assault and tell he Police that YOU want to press charges, perhaps to the ex boyfriend and the mother too.
Who the fuck do they think they are?!?! There was a relationship, it came to an end, move on FFS!!! (directed at them, not you and DD, btw)
All the best to you both.
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