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Support thread for parents of pre-teen & teenage girls - if you're tired of the eye-rolling, door-slamming, buy me stuff now leave me alone hormonal roller coaster, join us here!

(56 Posts)
KidsDontThinkImCool Tue 18-Mar-14 21:50:59

So, I've noticed there are ongoing support threads in other topics and wondered if we could do with one here. My DD is 12. She is smart and articulate and has lovely friends. Her teachers say she is engaged and enthusiastic and she is always the first to make someone new feel welcome. She is also rude and aggressive and irrational and loves telling me I'm a crazy, horrible, annoying idiot. She slams doors, pushes me around, hits her brother and tells me she only loves her dad and wishes I was dead. There are days where I wonder if either of us will make it to her 13th birthday. And it's only 2 weeks away. angry

Anyone want to join in?

ggirl Tue 18-Mar-14 21:56:21

Haha ..ds is only 11.5 and the 'buy me stuff now leave me alone' part of the title struck a chord.

My dd is 22 and was an easy teenager..I have afeeling ds is going to make up for that in spades !

ggirl Tue 18-Mar-14 21:58:40

sorry just saw the thread was about girls

<<<backing out slowly>>>

Ledkr Tue 18-Mar-14 22:02:45

I'm in.
Dd is 12, beautiful and a talented dancer. Good at school and kind to the underdog.

She is also selfish, moody, rude and wants to spend all her spare time on face time!

In fed up and dreading the next few years.

TittyNotSusan Tue 18-Mar-14 22:09:17

Yep me too. I have a 12 yo. She still has enough of the little girl about her to enjoy all her old activities, like baking and jigsaws. The difference now is she does it with her ipod on and glares at me if I enter the room and "get on her nerves"

The teen cliches are increasing all the time. Her room is a pit. Wet towels are all over the floor. I get home from work to be greeted with an obstacle course through the hall of school bags, shoes and coats discarded within inches of the coat rack. She has days where she can barely say a pleasant word to me.

On the other hand, she makes a fantastic chicken korma, cooks tea twice a week, has never missed a homework since starting Y7, is scarily organised and has more of a career plan at 12 than I have at 40!

KidsDontThinkImCool Tue 18-Mar-14 22:27:05

ggirl come back! My DS is only 10 and although he has his moments, he's nowhere near as difficult as DD. Plus seem to be lots of threads at the moment about 13 year old girls but I'm sure we can do both.

Titty with mine it's constant need to do her hair in the morning before school! And everything I do is "annoying". She's not moody, I'm just annoying her.

KidsDontThinkImCool Tue 18-Mar-14 22:52:10

Here's a lovely text conversation I had with DD today. She's been messing me around about getting picked up from school. On days where she stays late for sports she is never out at the agreed time and I'm getting fed up with it. .

(You can see my other thread for the whole story, but just for a bit of background, when she's asked to stay a bit later in the past I have agreed and she still isn't out when she says so I've had enough. Also, I give her plenty of space to do her homework on her own, without looking over her shoulder. Unless asked for help, my input consists of, "have you done your homework?")

So anyway, I finally had to speak to the PE coach and find out what time she was actually finished

Me: Been told you finish at 4pm on thursday so that is when I will pick you up from now on
DD: We always finish 10 minutes late and the me and <friends> help coach tidy up then we go and do our homework. I like doing my homework here so I don't have you being crazy. So on Thursday you will pick me up at the time I say.
Me: Talking to me like that is getting you nowhere. I told coach I will be collecting you at 4:15
DD: No. I enjoy doing my homework here because i don't have to put up with you. Shall I tell coach I can't play anymore because my mums being stupid and annoying as per usual
Me: Like I said, speaking to me that way is getting you nowhere You can do your homework at home. I have told the coach I will collect you by 4:15. You are free to tell her whatever you like.
DD: Just go away mum I don't really care what you have to say. You don't have to speak to coach and turn even crazier than you already are. Go away!!!

Fun. hmm

janinlondon Wed 19-Mar-14 08:48:50

KDTIC she sent those texts to me too. Oh no wait, that was my daughter.....

OldBeanbagz Wed 19-Mar-14 08:59:20

Count me in - I have a 12 year old DD just like this!

Not helped by her being sleep deprived by vast amounts of homework/exam revision/rehearsals and 2 x upcoming music exams.

This week DH has left the country on the pretence of work hmm

KidsDontThinkImCool Wed 19-Mar-14 09:02:22


throckenholt Wed 19-Mar-14 09:06:23

I don't have a 12 year old girl (have a 12 year old boy and 2 11 year old boys - so far we haven't had much attitude).

If it was me with OPs DD - I would explain that I want her to have fun - but when it impacts on me (ie me hanging around wasting time because she isn't doing what was agreed) - then she has two choices. Either do as agreed, or don't do the club. Her choice - but she needs to accept attitude isn't going to help her, and she needs to appreciate I am an equal person to her - and my time is as valuable as hers. If she wants consideration - then I also need to be considered.

This might be in the deluded hope that setting ground rules of consideration and politeness early on might head off some of the worst potential confrontations.

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 19-Mar-14 09:08:03

Signing in! I have a 14yo and a 15yo. 15 yo was diagnosed with an eating disorder last year, and so that has been a bit of a rollercoaster. We now realise she has had MH problems all her life, and now she is getting help we are back to dealing with more 'normal' teenage issues. Although as we've been to hell and back a few times, she is pretty well grounded and is a lot older than her years in many respects. Her Dsis is pretty quiet and has the ear buds in her ears all the time, gives one word or vague answers and has a very messy room, even 10 minutes after giving it a good blitz clean up. It's a talent. grin

KateF Wed 19-Mar-14 09:10:06

I'm in, I've got three of the buggers! dd1 (14) has been a nightmare since 11 and now has mental health issues too. dd2 (nearly 13) has not been too bad in comparison but can still have her moments and now dd3 (9),my baby,has started with the tantrums and nasty remarks. I love them dearly but I'm a single parent and it's getting me down that no-one is ever nice to me sad

AmpersandRea Wed 19-Mar-14 09:10:24

Joining in too. I have an 11yo DD. I'm sure I wasn't like this at the same age.

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 19-Mar-14 09:16:37

Yes, when either of mt DDs have spoken to me/rwxted me that rudely (and they both have) my response is 'you miss out on going to the club/out with friends and you show us you know how to be a responsible and well mannered member of the human race at home before I let you loose on the general populace.' Obviously, allowances were made when working through MH problems and I imagine/know from friends that this approach isn't necessarily usable for children with SN. Sometimes rudeness or aggression is an expression of frustration, and that shouldn't be punished, it should be listened to. <bitter experience>

worstmumever4545 Wed 19-Mar-14 09:37:46

Hi, can I join too, we have 3 teens in our home and a 6 year old(at times going on 13) all girls, DD14 SD14 DD12. DH keeps talking about converting the garage to a man pad. Attitude is in fits and starts, DD14 and DD12 cant be civil too each other. DD14 is VERY strong willed always has been. I honestly don't know how her teachers cope with her, If we are getting into a battle of wills, I now walk away, and refuse to be drawn into it. SD14 is just lazy, DD12 is going through a serious stage and is the quieter one. All have long hair, which is always all over the place, blocking the plug holes, bobby pins everywhere, bags, shoes, jackets, scattered in random places. All of which send DH mad.

Ledkr Wed 19-Mar-14 10:05:04

This week I found it helpful to tempt her off the I pad with doing something with me. We watch "dance moms" and yesterday we made bread. I'm not sure if that would work for older ones but its brought her back to me a bit.

The book "princess bitchface syndrome" is good despite its horrible title.

KidsDontThinkImCool Wed 19-Mar-14 10:38:38

KateF - hugs & thanks, single parent too & I know that feeling well some days! I used to have a dog and sometimes I'm tempted to get another just so someone in this house is pleased to see me!

yegods its such a difficult line to want them to be able to express their feelings & frustrations and not want them to speak to you like scum. I'm so glad you've come out the other side with the eating disorder. I know it's irrational but I feel like I'm always so afraid of doing something to "give" dd an eating disorder.

worstmum 4 girls, oh dear. Forget the thanks have some wine! MY DD is also of the 'strong willed' variety, although seemingly much more so with me than with anyone else, so teachers don't really have a problem with her. But she has ALWAYS engaged in a battle of wills with me and the teenage hormones have only intensified that 10x.

SocialButterfly Wed 19-Mar-14 17:53:55

Hello, Im venturing over from preteens. My dd is only 9, nearly 10 but I think the teen attitude years are fast approaching! Hopefully I can get some advice from people further along the road!!
This morning we had tears because we had run out of jam! She doesn't want to wash or brush her teeth. This morning I brushed her hair as it was all knotty, she got upset because it hurt but when I asked the last time she brushed her hair she said sunday - well no wonder it was knotty.
She just seems so sad all of a sudden and that makes me sad. It seems like all of the interactions we have are negative at the moment.

KidsDontThinkImCool Wed 19-Mar-14 18:34:34

Social maybe she's getting a first wave of hormones? I remember when DD was about 9 or 10 she went through a phase where I just couldn't fathom what was going on with her. After about a month of this she told me her chest (ie boob area) was sore...duh!

Well my DD is just on a roll this week. She keeps kicking off in the car, leaning across me to reach DS so that she can hit or punch him. Aside from how much she's hurting him, I keep trying to explain to her how dangerous it is that she's leaning on my and pushing against me while I'm driving. So she started again today - we were less than 2 miles from home, straight road to the house, so I told her to get out and walk. It took a while for it to sink in that I mean it! Sadly, it doesn't seem to have taught her much, the minute she got home she started taunting her brother again. OH, and I'm also waiting XH to threaten to report me to social services again for kicking her out of the car. What a fun day. Every day is a fun day right now.

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 19-Mar-14 19:33:36

KatieF flowers yes I can relate to that. I'm not a single parent but DH is away most of the time and we have little contact when he's away so it can feel like it. I do have a cat who is alqays pleased to see me though.

dementedma Wed 19-Mar-14 19:43:20

My dds are now 23 and 20 so I came on here for a trip down memory lane!grin Weirdly dd1 was a relatively easy teen but is now a sullen and unhelpful adult, and dd2 was a door slamming nightmare and now a cheery and friendly adult!
Ds is we go again. So far he's been fine, other than eating vast amounts and lying about playing FiFA on the Xbox.

Ledkr Wed 19-Mar-14 20:39:05

kids that's funny and what if have done for sure.
Dangerous behaviour should be clamped down hard on.

littlegreenlight1 Wed 19-Mar-14 21:02:29

DD - 16.
Positives.... academic (ish - see below), helpful with her DBs (14 and 8), responsible (she has a pt job at weekends), funny, nice boyfriend (first one) and quite honestly that is all I can think of right now!!!!

Not so good stuff.... WILL NOT REVISE, sleeps a lot, MESSIEST child Ive ever met (when she stays away from home boy do we notice, forgets everything Ive asked her to do, MOODY, SMOKES, wants to sleep with her bf ie have him stay in my house, eats everything Ive bought for DS's packed lunches and doesnt tell me, cooks and leaves shit everywhere for me to clean up, doesnt rinse stuff before using dishwasher therefore I have to wash it again, doesnt put her work stuff in the wash, goes in my room and uses my stuff without asking me, vain (I think that's normal?), paranoid (not so much).... I could go on but I realise none of this is awful, but all together its quite trying.

I have always said since I had my last child, that I am glad I have only one DD. My bf has 2 though, 10 and 12, eeeeeeeeeek!

I am glad to be part of a thread that I can relate to nearly everything on.

We can do it ladies, theyll all be strong, independent wonderful women thanks to their kick arse mums X X

Ledkr Thu 20-Mar-14 08:15:25

Arrrrrghhh! The fucking mornings.
She is useless then a friend calls for her at 8.15 she's not ready and I'm not having people in the house at this early when we are either rushing about for work or in our pjs.
She can't find her shoes which she apparently put on the shoe rack last night. hmm

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