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Should dd go to prom

(23 Posts)
suntvandme Thu 13-Mar-14 20:17:57

Just wanted advice my dd recently said she didn't want to go to her school prom for a number of reasons she feels it will be expensive, a waste of money, boring and won't enjoy the social aspect, she's desperately wants to leave so I doubt the social aspect of last celebration with friends would persuade her.
The thing is she's told me she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea but feel she has a duty and I'm unsure should I persuade her to go or agree with her not. I don't think she'll regret it but a number of my friends have said oh shes got to go, who wouldnt want to go etc

FernieB Thu 13-Mar-14 21:42:45

I think she's old enough to make her own mind up. Chat to her about it and make sure she realises she only has one chance at prom - will she regret it if she doesn't go? It's really only one party with school friends - a lot of whom she's probably not bothered about. If she's not into all the dressing up etc then why put her through it.

ForalltheSaints Thu 13-Mar-14 22:09:40

If she doesn't want to go and you think her reasons are not hiding anything, then support her in her decision.

Innogen Fri 14-Mar-14 14:34:32

Nope, her prom, her choice.

If she regrets that later she has learned a nice life lesson.

specialsubject Fri 14-Mar-14 17:37:48

it's an American-import party. Most of us had a school leaving 'ceremony' that consisted of 'bye, have a nice life' and it didn't do us any harm. These kiddy dress-ups have only come to the UK in the last few years.

if it isn't her idea of fun, why bother? There will be plenty more parties.

Olivegirl Sun 16-Mar-14 15:01:18

My friend has twin dds and both said they didn't want to go to their prom
My friend was worried thinking they'd miss out etc
The prom came and went and both girls saved the expense of it all
Their choice and they were not a bit bothered.

I have two dds who both loved there proms and the getting ready etc

It's up to the individual they are all different in there personalities it's not the be all and end all
As said before ,it's an american thing and it was a lot less pressure on parents and kids when I left school it was a school disco can of Pepsi, crisps and off we went grin

Nocomet Sun 16-Mar-14 15:23:24

Personally I'd have a dress the right size in the back of the wardrobe and be certain she sees it "without you knowing"

That way she's absolutely free to change her mind up to the last minute.

Why, because DD1 has done last minute changes of heart over a school trip for all the same sort of social reasons. Some of the girls realised she wasn't going and offered to be tent mates. Truth be told she had really wanted to go and their kindness pushed her into asking.

She had an amazing time.

I can just see a prom being exactly the same (teens hate admitting they have changed their minds, they leave it very late).

mathanxiety Mon 17-Mar-14 05:41:05

A lot (if not most) Irish schools had a debutante dance ('debs') a few months after the end of school even way back in the early 80s when I left school. It was a big formal-dress deal, reception in school with parents and families and dates, then off to a hotel for dinner and dancing, then a nightclub for more dancing, and then breakfast somewhere, so I don't think this is entirely American.

I would say get a dress and hide it so she has the option later. It's not the end of the world to miss it but she might feel bad if only a dress held her back in the end. Some teens pretend to be unable to wait for the end of school as a way of dealing with the trauma of leaving.

insancerre Mon 17-Mar-14 07:09:02

dd didn't go to hers
she hated school and couldn't wait to leave
a year on she doesn't regret not going and she has kept in touch wit the friends she has wanted to keep in touch with
let your did decide whether she wants to go

Delphiniumsblue Mon 17-Mar-14 07:15:03

You must have a lot if money to spare if you can afford to buy that sort if dress on the off chance! If she didn't go when would she wear it and would you be able to pick a dress that she would want to be seen in? Unless you happen to have a friend the same size who could lend an old one I would just leave it up to her to decide.

smokeandglitter Mon 17-Mar-14 07:26:50

Re price: my first dress was free (belonged to my grandma), my second was £5 from a charity shop and my third was a tenet off eBay - doesn't have to be expensive. This was about 2008-10.

It might not be her last chance as some colleges/sixth forms have summer balls and some unis have similar things too.

I would say having a dress in case is a great idea. You can always sell it if she doesn't go. Saying that, she'd need a ticket before it all sells out - that was the expensive part for me!

hickorychicken Mon 17-Mar-14 07:31:42

I told my mum i didnt want to go because i knew she couldnt afford it, i dont regret it at all tbh it was crap aparently.

slartybartfast Mon 17-Mar-14 07:35:45

i wouldnt buy a dress, i spose you could look on line at dresses with her, look on older girls face book accounts and see what itis all about, but no one has to go. do her firneds want to go?

Orlando Mon 17-Mar-14 07:44:42

I think with these things the hype beforehand (talking about dresses and transport) is a bigger deal than the actual party itself, which my dd found a bit of a let down. There's also the hype afterwards too, mostly in the form a squillion photos on Facebook. It's a hard event to escape, so I'd say she needs to be secure in her decision.

Bryzoan Mon 17-Mar-14 07:52:26

I think getting a dress and showing her risks pressurising her. As someone who didn't enjoy school much I say just talk to her and listen, give her a hug and tell her you respect her decision either way. Do perhaps warn her when the last opportunity for dress shopping comes round just to be sure though.

Delphiniumsblue Mon 17-Mar-14 07:59:02

I can't think that I would have gone anywhere at that age in a dress chosen by my mother!
I agree with Orlando that the hype and getting ready is more fun than the event!
I can quite see who some people don't want to get involved in either.

MoleyMick Mon 17-Mar-14 09:28:50

I'm in Australia, we have formals in the last year of school, everyone goes, it's huge. I didn't go to mine for similar reasons to your dd, never regretted it for a second and now I am 30. It's the kind of thing that really only appeals to a certain kind of personality. And mine wasn't it.

smokeandglitter Mon 17-Mar-14 11:37:58

I don't think having a dress is pressurising her, though I'd be honest and say, we've got this in case but if you don't use it then we can sell it/pass it on and it won't make a difference. An alternative that my friends parents did was to give her money for the ticket and then she decides what she wants to spend it on. Their idea was if you don't want to celebrate completing school by finishing prom then what would you rather do to have a good time. It wasn't an extortionate amount of money, about 30 quid which she spent on going to a unique cinema with a friend if I remember right, she had a great day. When people asked why she wasn't coming she also got to say she'd wanted to go to something else which helped her not feel awkward - not that many would.

Just going on a few experiences, a friend who changed her mind the day the last tickets were being sold and a friend who's mum didn't have enough (also problems at home) so got told she couldn't go, then I paid from my babysitting savings, I'll never regret it she had a great time.

I don't think prom is important if you don't want to go, but it can be a lovely experience with friends and a lovely way to celebrate ending school.

Greenkit Mon 17-Mar-14 11:46:42

My Dd didnt want to go, but I said she ould regret it. She went and had an amazing time x

chocoluvva Mon 17-Mar-14 12:25:51

No advice to add, I'm afraid, but my DD is in the same boat. Her boyfriend can't go and she isn't very confident about wearing a 'prom dress'.

mummytofour Mon 17-Mar-14 18:36:23

My daughter is the same. she has big hang ups over the way she looks even though she is gorgeous. She says she will only go if she finds the right dress. if she decides not to go I will support her but I think she will regret it when she sees the pictures.

Greenkit Tue 18-Mar-14 15:14:14

This was my daughter in her dress

BackforGood Tue 18-Mar-14 23:50:05

My dd has already told me she doesn't want to go to prom (she's only in Yr10). It's not a lack of confidence, it's the fact she doesn't like wearing anything remotely pretty. She quite likes school and has lots of friends. There's no way I'll force the issue next year, but will let her know that she can go for the meal without having a fancy dress if she doesn't want to, and then leave it at that.

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