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Made them both cry today!

(9 Posts)
littlegreenlight1 Wed 12-Mar-14 20:01:38

Wow, just wow Im feeling crap tonight.
I was at the end of my tether with my two teens today so I thought Id tell them that I was no longer accepting their behaviour and my rules were now gospel (as if they werent already).
I told DD that enough of her rebellious phase smoking, shes to stop. Shes not going to see her bf if her attitude doesnt improve along with her grades at school.
I told DS if he makes a plan or agrees to something with or for me, he should bloody well stick to it and I told them both they need to help out at home more (I am single, work f/t).
Well bugger me if they didnt start bawling, DS remained silent, DD screamed at me - that Im always moody, that nothing they do is good enough, how stressed at school she is (first teen EVER to do GCSEs!!!)
We all ended up in tears actually. Ive recently had to stop my degree because I. just. cant. cope.I cant run a house on my own, work and study and be there for them I just cant.

You would think the way Ive described them that theyre hell children. Theyre not at all. I just have way too high expectations and tbh my DD's lack of caring about school and smoking is just really grating on me now.

We ended with a "come on, we can all make more effort" but the way theyre now looking at me is as if Id told them they were nothing to me any more. Ive really hurt them :'( and now I feel like shit.

Why do teens have to be so hard? Why am I so hard on them? They DO help out but I still seem to drown in housework or they break stuff by just being careless or they forget their keys and expect me to drop everything to get back to them etc.

How do you all motivate your kids to aspire to more? We live in an awfully depressing small town where there really are no prospects. They say they want out of here but dont seem prepared to work for it. The mentality of this town is very Jeremy Kyle as in "its someone elses fault/problem". Im trying to teach them that no its not, its ALL DOWN TO YOU.....

Sorry, bit ranty, feeling very blue tonight!

Quangle Wed 12-Mar-14 20:07:19

No advice but just to say sounds familiar from my own childhood. Mum also a single parent and sometimes it all got too much. Nothing wrong with a good cry-in as long as you all love each other. It's good for them to know things are tough for you but you keep going for them. wine and choc tonight?

littlegreenlight1 Wed 12-Mar-14 20:16:28

Im not drinking, trying to lose bloody weight so no choc either!!!!!!
I have some nice smoked salmon :l

If it wasnt already this time of night Id be straight out to the shop for both though.

I hate being the baddy like this. Dad doesnt do this to them, no because Dad shacked up with his ex, had 2 more children (we have 3 in total, but the other one is little and doesnt upset me yet!) and now gets bossed around by her and does as he's told.

It ALL comes down to me and it is SO overwhelming sometimes. I am so proud of them but they think I hate them. I reiterated a hundred times that I love them and they are never to think that, but at the same time, stop taking the piss!!!!!

Quangle Wed 12-Mar-14 21:19:52

No wonder you are crying - no wine or choc!

It's so tough sometimes doing it all by yourself everyday. They know you don't hate them - they know you love them. That's why you all end up crying together. And you are doing the right thing - keeping them in line is tough but that's what needs to be done by a loving parent.

littlegreenlight1 Wed 12-Mar-14 22:38:14

I'm in bed now. feel awful about earlier, I think I took out my stress on them. but then my stress is caused in part by then argh! came upstairs and all the lights are on, how many times will I have to tell them?
on a plus side, I'd usually turn to wine and I didn't, so every cloud n all..... let's hope sleep helps!

crazynanna Wed 12-Mar-14 22:45:46

I think it is purely and utterly a teen's role to take the piss push boundaries, which means they make errors of judgement, get lazy and braindead at times, and leave the lights on!

They ain't easy. Trust me. I'm on my third.

Deep breath. Let go of the smaller stuff a bit. Pick your battles. And comfort in the fact that you are doing a wonderful job smile

smileyforest Wed 12-Mar-14 22:59:38

Gosh ....know hoe you feel...single parent too with two teens (older kids as well but they're ok) full time ++ was also having to do university course linked to my job...something had to go...I was heading for breakdown....just couldn't cope with it all....had a 'go' at my teens too...really put my foot down...hate coming home to a kitchen full of washing up after doing a double shift....lights left on etc etc...also trouble with older teen...its do flipping hard....but as I'm always told....'it will get better'!!!!!!!!!

littlegreenlight1 Thu 13-Mar-14 07:23:33

Even though the daughter used the microwave this morning, even though she knows it's broken, so the glass fell out and made the most earth shattering noise and woke me and the little one up AGAIN, I didn't threaten to do something unsavoury.
I'm really trying but that is it all starting at 6am!

Travelledtheworld Thu 13-Mar-14 07:52:59

I am sorry. I am not a single parent but DH is working overseas so no practical help at all.

My kids are the same. Don't do a bloody thing unless threatened. I have taken to removing the wireless router and NO internet until they both have done two jobs right after school.

Have also found that having a good shout, or dissolving in tears has a positive impact. But suggest that when you are all calmer, later today you sit down and say something like " I am so sorry I blew up at you yesterday " as you can see I am under a lot of stress and I really need you to help out at home."

Don't do anything for them. Dirty clothes, leave them to fester. Delegate cooking to them, one meal each a week. Even if it is just pasta or eggs on toast that is fine.

Then get them both to draw up a list of tasks they will do, every day or every week. Pin it up on the fridge and when they have done it, tick it off. Or even use smiley face stickers. Sounds babyish but if they are like mine they will compete against each other to get the jobs done first. Think of some sort of reward: shopping, new computer game et. But only after they have stuck to it for a month or too weeks.

Good luck. Don't forget to praise them for being helpful.

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