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depressed teen being bullied

(13 Posts)
Expatmum06 Mon 10-Mar-14 22:11:37

My 14 year old daughter has always been feisty and spirited but was happy and doing well at school until four months ago whe she became morose and withdraw. She eventually confided in me that she was being bullied at school by a couple of girls who she had become close to quite recently and who had turned against her, as well as by older kids at school too. They were spreading untrue and vile rumours about her and word spread to other schools nearby. She has been shouted at in the street and victimised on social media, sometimes by kids she doesn't even know. She is so unhappy and it is breaking my heart and my husband's to see her this way. It has affected her school work to the point where she is no longer contributing in class. She was a different child in the holidays, more carefree and easy to be around, and we did things together and had some enjoyable family time but on the first day back at school, she reverted to being moody, depressed, irrational, angry and tearful when she got home, railing at the rest of the family, causing pointless arguments, staying in her room, refusing to eat dinner. She said the pressure of putting on a front at school to get through the day means she is angry and exhausted by the time she gets home. I have spoken to two of her teachers to report the bullying but they said unless she names names, there is nothing they can do. She absolutely refuses to do this and is now angry at me for broaching it with the school. She recently told me - on a rare day when she wanted to talk - that she just wants to disappear and get away from everyone, even the few girls who are still friends with her, and start afresh. I would appreciate advice from anyone who has been through this as I feel I am failing my daughter at the moment.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 11-Mar-14 07:05:16

This is so hard...have been through the bullying, but not as bad. No good suggestions, sorry, except to block people on facebook, and tighten down the security settings so that people who are not FB friends cannot see or comment on her posts. Our issue resolved itself over time naturally, without the school doing anything. How long has it being going on expat?

anchories Tue 11-Mar-14 07:15:10

I think that you need some expert advice on this.

A GP probably.

You could go yourself and see him, and ask for advice. You needn't tell your daughter in the first instance.

This is a serious situation and needs to be sorted out very quickly.

anchories Tue 11-Mar-14 07:15:45

I am happy to bump this while I am around.

BigArea Tue 11-Mar-14 07:27:42

Your poor DD sad Nothing to add so bumping for you

MarpleMiss Tue 11-Mar-14 07:36:49

Phone the Kidscape anti-bullying helpline for parents on 08451 205 204
open 10am - 4pm Monday -Thursday. You can't leave this sad

anchories Tue 11-Mar-14 07:58:17

Kidscape. Yes a great idea.

fwiw, kids at school come home with all sorts of leaflets and health and safety stuff, sexual health etc etc, especially from secondary school.
I used to get the kids to give them all to me [they didnt want to keep them!], and shove them in a drawer. Then, if there was a problem with them or one of their friends, I used to dig out the leaflets and see if there was a leaflet that was useful.
Even if that one wasn't specifically useful, the websites often had links to other sites that were better suited.

anthropology Tue 11-Mar-14 10:23:41

If her behaviour and mood has really changed, as you say, school work suffering, not sleeping not eating etc, alongside the bullying advice it's worth a trip to the GP, on the pretext for her maybe of blood tests etc, to check her general health,(she is glandula fever age) but also for a GP to look at her mood and see if she would benefit from a referral to camhs for assessment and support. My DD suffered severe depression at this age, and it affected her resilience. We missed the signs,looking at other reasons for her behaviour. Young Minds website gives you information on what to look out for. good luck to you both.

Chigley1 Tue 11-Mar-14 10:48:54

Poor her, and you, sounds horrendous. Is home-ed an option? Sounds drastic but IMO going to school is not as important as a child's safety and well being. There are other options that can mean children being educated away from school. (I am a teacher FWIW)

Expatmum06 Tue 11-Mar-14 21:20:05

thanks all, some helpful advice. It's been going on for four months, I found out at Christmas. Tonight we all went out for supper together and saw shades of her old personality, laughing, making jokes, eating properly, so I have some hope but just makes it all the more upsetting that this is no longer the norm with her. She just had a set of mock exam results back today...very bad and yet she has great potential. i hadn't thought of seeing our GP, i think that is the next step.

Iseenyou Tue 11-Mar-14 21:37:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wol1968 Wed 12-Mar-14 16:42:37

Is there an adult around who can log on to some of these social media websites and take a look at what's going on? She is only 14 and at this age they still need protecting. My DD's a bit younger but she has friends who have been victims of cyber bullying and other friends' parents have gone on to FB, Instagram etc. and taken screen shots. At her school they take it very seriously and will isolate anyone doing the bullying.

Hugs to your DD. As a last resort I would also suggest moving schools.

Iseenyou Thu 13-Mar-14 06:53:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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