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Do boys know everything?

(4 Posts)
drnoitall Fri 07-Mar-14 20:17:36

My ds is 12 nearly 13 and knows everything.
He can treat me like I'm very stupid at times. Assumes I am not PC literate when I've been using computers for decades.
He literally knows "everything".
Tonight he said he wanted to be left alone in response to my checking his internet history. I recently found some inappropriate sites, nothing major but not nice gaming content .
Is it important to give dc "space" at this age and how have you made good relations with your ds?
Any ideas pleAse?

mathanxiety Sat 08-Mar-14 04:27:26

I do not think 12 nearly 13 is the age to allow 'space' on the computer.

Put on your administrator hat and get blocking.

I am a single parent to DS and four DDs. DS and exH would cheerfully have murdered each other if they thought they could get away with it. ExH treated DS very badly. In order to create a bond with DS (he really, really needed a good relationship with at least one parent) I got as interested as I could become in games he played on XBox that were age appropriate. However, I refused to allow him to play inappropriate games at home and spoke to him at length about my reasons, and he didn't push on this score.

You can learn from each other. I realised he was interested in artillery, military history and the like, and did lots of homework on the subject of WW2 tanks <yawn> which he loved, and Lord of the Rings <double yawn> which he was obsessed with. I sat in the car headbanging to lots of really loud Led Zeppelin and other rock and tried to get him interested in Abba <sigh>. We had a sort of running joke where he would tease me about Abba, and though by implication his musical choices came out far ahead of mine, I felt I had won because he shared his interest with me, and a potential conflict in the car had been turned into shared humour which drew us together while at the same time we allowed each other to be ourselves and different. This was something exH never could allow -- toeing the line in every single respect was his expectation for the DCs.

Teenage boys like to lay claim to an area they feel is 'manly' and where they can shine as an expert. This sometimes involves putting down of the skills of others in the area they have decided to claim as their own. Try not to take his disparagement of your computer skills personally. He is trying to carve out a niche for himself and it is important for him to feel he has a significant skill. If you had teenage DDs (maybe you do) you would hear a lot of remarks about your clothes and hair and nails and makeup. Nobody is ever going to try to elbow you away from the stove or the kitchen sink hmm.

yourlittlesecret Sat 08-Mar-14 11:08:13

It's a phase, another phase. Up until now you have been the most important influence and the source of his view on the world. At 12 his peer group start to edge you out. Puberty sets in and he feels the need to show he is manly. If there are younger siblings they tend to get the put down treatment as well, in fact if he is the youngest or only you probably get the brunt of it.
You are right to monitor his internet history and to talk about what you find there. He is too young for that kind of "space". I have kept a close eye on both DC internet use with lots of discussion about online safety and content. I insisted on having their log in details at that age and they were aware that I might check. It's how they learn.
DS2 is now 16 and I don't watch so closely.

conclusionjumper Sat 08-Mar-14 13:37:18

Yes, they know everything. Ours could run the country much better than these idiots.. (oh, wait! grin). The 'wanting to be left alone' is a common refrain, they want to be treated as a grown up when it suits them and not when it doesn't. Mathanxiety the dominating a macho domain strikes a massive chime with us at the moment, I hadn't considered it like that. If you have a moment could you pop over to my rather vague op on this board?

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