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Help! DS, mid twenties, in vacinity - scared

(5 Posts)
Sioned24 Fri 07-Mar-14 17:58:36

DS has mental health history - including sectioning/suicide attempts and serious threats to me and his younger siblings.

Has been away from home for a few years - we have an idea where but the person with whom he's most likely been staying will not speak to us - puts phone down etc.

Back, unexpectedly, in the area today and both younger sibling and I are frankly scared. Of course DH and I want to help but he cannot come into the house - too much history, too much likelihood of violence. Been ringing door bell and circling house. Police called - said little they could do but they would look out for him. We suggested strongly that they phone this other person but they seem a bit reluctant. We need to know if he has somewhere to back to tonight - where he is likely to be staying, if anywhere, - what on earth has brought him down here. Now the police car has gone, worried he may be back at any moment.

Police said injunctions etc a civil matter and they wouldn't get involved. They may be looking for him now but we feel marooned and I am especially concerned for the other DCs and indeed for myself. He has told MH professionals in the past that he harbours violent thoughts towards me.

Thoughts/advice - anything - many thanks.

DameFanny Fri 07-Mar-14 20:28:21

Hi OP, I hope things haven't escalated. Can you call the police again and explain that he's made threats towards you? And insist that your house is marked as an at risk number? They should be treating this as domestic violence - maybe they need reminding to check their guidelines?

Sioned24 Sat 08-Mar-14 18:41:36

Thanks, Dame. Things are not good. DS clearly went back to where he's been staying but phoned this evening to say that he wants to come back - DH is out now till very late and I dread DS coming back here with only younger DC and me here. I said we would phone him tomorrow and arrange to meet on neutral ground to try to sort things out but, my goodness, has it been tough.

He sounded distant, lost, and without any understanding of what chaos he's heaped on his family. I want him safe, happy, well, but to phone or come round, out of the blue, after such a very long time, is very difficult. So too is the memory of the threats and the rough, rough way he treated his family for a long time.

I don't know what to do. I said DH and I would go and see him - I really hope he doesn't pre-empt us and come down here.

He said he had a SW - I know they don't talk to parents if the client is over 18 but they might make an exception here?

DameFanny Sat 08-Mar-14 18:54:34

Well that sounds a bit more promising than it did yesterday? <clutches straws>

You might not be able to talk to the SW about your soon, but maybe you could talk to the SW about yourselves - ask what you can do or should do re your relationship with son, ask for a risk assessment for your other children etc - would that be useful?

DameFanny Sat 08-Mar-14 18:55:11

Soon = son
Phone = bastard

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