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Sons unacceptable behaviour

(5 Posts)
L0ttie Sun 02-Mar-14 21:21:07

Our eldest son is nearly 15, he is rude, verbally aggressive, unreasonable, difficult, sarcastic and generally horrible to live with. He is bright and could do well at school but does the minimum to get by. He is popular and has a lot of friends but is making home life very difficult. We are at our wits end and don't know how to cope! Boarding school is not an option, however a summer camp that specialises in difficult teens and offers counselling seems to be our only option. We do not like the sounds of the military style boot camps and do not want him to be punished, we just want him to break the habit of rude negative behaviour with us. Like all parents we just want him to be happy and safe. Any advice would be welcome.

hilary2012 Mon 03-Mar-14 11:18:32

I find picking your battles and IGNORING them for most of the time works quite well ;-)
Seriously I have given up trying to get them to pick their clothes off the floor or put the bath towels back, but am still working on trying to get their homework done on time and eating with us now and then.
I would have never dreamt few years ago that I could accept some of the blatantly rude, horrible, self centred behaviour that I do now. So I just keep telling myself that this is a phase - will pass and ignore.
I have nearly 15 year TWIN boys. Double trouble!!!!

Claybury Mon 03-Mar-14 11:55:46

Lottie hang in there. For me 14-15 was the worst age. He's 16 now and very slowly I can see signs of maturity. It does change. For me at 14/15 he was really disengaged and hostile at home. Oddly now he is more involved which is good though brings with it new (esp sibling) conflicts. There was a good article on the Times on Saturday which explained a lot of teen behaviour.

beelights Mon 03-Mar-14 12:22:14

I don't have suggestions but can echo what the others say. My twins just turned 16 and I can begin to see some improvements...

Other than that, I would say posting here helps, read this book:
www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Out-My-Life-First/dp/1846680875/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1393849267&sr=8-1&keywords=first+drive+me+and+alex
and as Claybury said, hang on in there.

Good luck!

trickyphase Mon 03-Mar-14 14:02:24

I agree, try not to sweat the small stuff but also be prepared to set boundaries and stick to them. Let him realise there are consequences to his actions eg if he doesn't deal with dirty laundry he won't have clean clothes and also make him understand that if he wants to be treated like an adult he needs to behave like one. It's a hard stage but just like the terrible toddler years they come out the other side. Don't forget to look after yourself too; if you're more relaxed it will be easier to deal with his unreasonable behaviour. Just remember too that we always tend to hurt the ones we love; he obviously feels secure in his relationship with you if he can act out a bit (we can try to be positive). It will get better!

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