Teenage daughter punching me

[Summerwood1]

I have a daughter who is now 14,we adopted her as a 21 month old. She's always been lovely untill her 13th birthday. On Friday the school rang to complain the her behaviour had been bad,back chatting teacher,shouting out,slamming doors etc,it appears she had a few tensions with friends on that day. When she came home and I told her what school had said she was open mouthed as if she hadn't a clue! Told her she was grounded etc,she then kept calling me a bitch and she said I'm not staying here and attempted to leave,because I was standing in the way of the door she punched,kicked,pulled hair,squeezed my face. Hid key so she could not get out. Later she hid my phone and sat on the stairs with her legs over the stairs and when asked would not move. She had been ok this year up untill now. I feel powerless and don't know how to deal with the behaviour,I can't hit back because I would then get into trouble,I feel like I don't want her here anymore,I know that sounds harsh but she was so evil to me.

[domoarigato]

Call the police, that'll scare her!

[Summerwood1]

Yes that's what I really wanted to do,the only thing with that is they then have to refer it on to social services,which is scary!!!

[usualsuspect33]

She sounds like she has some issues.
I don't think you should call the police. Can you talk to her when things have calmed down?

[PoshPenny]

Could it be caused by hormones do you think?

[Summerwood1]

I think hormones has a part to play. Should I tell the school what she has done to me,after all it was a school related problem to begin with?

[piratedinosaursgogogo]

I think it might be worth posting your question on the adoption board. Yes, it may be something to do with school, hormones or could be related to her adoption, her growing understanding of what it means to be adopted and so on. My adopted son is only 5 but there are many people on the adoption boards with teenagers who I'm sure could give you some guidance.

[Hels20]

Summer - post on the adoption board. I know some people on there (like Lilka) have children who are adopted and who are/were teenagers. They might be able to give you some advice.

Have you spoken to Adoption UK?

Thinking of you.

[VeryStressedMum]

Just wondering, did you try to talk to her about what happened at school, or did you just ground her based on what the school said. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but with my dds who are about the same age id tell them what the school said then ask them about it, then ground them etc. It might have something to do with adoption so try on there too.

[Summerwood1]

Yes,I will have a look on the adoption one as well!thanks.

[daisysue2]

Hi Summerwood I too have a teenage adopted daughter and have been through quite a lot with her over the teenage years. I don't think it is just to do with her being adopted rather that adopted children often come with complex issues and needs, down to their histories. It could just be down to teenage anger colliding with some other issues. Can you go to a local counselling organization in your area for some help. I would advise some therapy to help her come to terms with many of the issues she will have to deal with around her early childhood. But if her problems are just a bit of being a teenager it won't do any harm either. Did she have any issues that were noted on her adoption information that may shed light on her current behaviour.

I read a great book which helped me to understand the rage she felt and I'm going to track it down and post it on here, as it is great for understanding teenage agression.

More than happy for you to PM me if you want to talk.

[Cuxibamba]

Could you try and get a referral to CAMHS, either from school or by going to the GP?