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A second opinion from parents of rural teens please?

(44 Posts)
yourlittlesecret Fri 28-Feb-14 21:57:16

DS1 is 18. He can drive and borrows my car sometimes.
We live in village A.
His new GF lives in village C which is 15 miles away.
They went to the cinema a couple of weeks ago in town B half way between. He picked her up and took her home afterwards. Now he wants to do it again. Says she can get a lift there but not home.
My feeling is that it is not his responsibility to arrange transport for her. If it were the other way round he would not expect her or her parents to drive him home in the opposite direction to where they live.
There really is no public transport.

AIBU really?

AgentProvocateur Fri 28-Feb-14 21:59:16

Can she stay over with you, or he with her? Seems like a lot of driving, but then if there's no other way....

Gumps Fri 28-Feb-14 21:59:34

I think that it is lovely that he wants to and you have raised him right.
Disclaimer my boys are 6 and 5 and I don't want to think of fumblings in cars grin

Newyearchanger Fri 28-Feb-14 22:00:24

It's quite a drive but I think it's reasonable if he doesn't do it too frequently and contributes to petrol.

NickyNackyNooNoo Fri 28-Feb-14 22:00:47

Awww young love, driving 7 miles out of your way, well maybe more bt ykwim!

My first bf did this for me, dropping friends off in his village then driving 10 miles to my village so we could have a longer snog

If he's happy let him be smile

Newyearchanger Fri 28-Feb-14 22:01:15

And yes YABU really...

adeucalione Fri 28-Feb-14 22:27:28

If he drives and she doesn't, surely this is the obvious solution? The alternative presumably being that they can't see each other. It wouldn't even cross my mind to object to it, I'd do it for anyone in these circumstances myself.

BettyBotter Fri 28-Feb-14 22:32:18

He's driving not you, so what's your problem with this? Ask him to pay for the petrol.

yourlittlesecret Sat 01-Mar-14 09:04:20

Oh it's the snogging isn't it.
I am being mean.

I think it's the feminist in me. He's doing it because he thinks it's the boy's role. <rolls eyes>.
I put it to him that if she had passed her test and not him, he wouldn't expect her to do a 30 mile round trip.

But he might if he couldn't get a lift? How else would he get home?

LePamplemousse Sat 01-Mar-14 09:11:38

I grew up in a rural area and have been in the girl's position as a teenager. I think YABU and extremely interfering. If the girl could drive and the boy couldn't, she would give him a lift. It is not a feminist issue AT ALL and it's daft to make it so.

KatieScarlett2833 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:18:27

DDs boyfriend has been driving her around for the past 2 and a half years.
She has been taking driving lessons for 18 months of this period. She is not what you might call a natural driver smile
DS is taking lessons too now. He will no doubt pass before summer. When he does he will no doubt collect his girlfriend.
Not through male sexism but expediency. Buses take time and stop running at 10:30 pm round here.

PumpkinPie2013 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:18:51

If he can drive and she can't plus there is no public transport then I don't see a problem with it if he's happy to drive.

Otherwise it would seem they couldn't see eachother which would be a shame.

I grew up in a rural area and it's really hard being a teen with limited transport available.

I think your son sounds like a lovely young man.

Bonsoir Sat 01-Mar-14 09:20:34

Of course your DS1 needs to pick up his GF and take her home! He didn't choose to live in the middle of nowhere with no public transport - you did and you must give him the means to lead a normal life in the place that you imposed upon him.

Luckystar1 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:21:53

I grew up rurally too. I learned to drive first and I was the driver for everyone (friends of both genders and boyfriend), my parents let me have a car when I wanted (and they were REALLY strict!)

I think yabu, it's really not a big deal, provided it's not adversely interfering with things you need to do but can't without the car.

By the by, there is NO WAY I'd have been allowed to stay over or have my bf stay over at that age! (rural Ireland though!)

Paintyfingers Sat 01-Mar-14 09:22:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottiedoubtie Sat 01-Mar-14 09:22:38

The time in the car is very much part of the date!

They would do it the other way round if that's the way the license had fallen.

So not a feminist issue.

Bonsoir Sat 01-Mar-14 09:23:03

We live in the very opposite of a rural area and my DSSs expect to accompany the girls they go out with (just friends and classmates, not GFs) back home on foot or by public transport, as needed, before coming home alone. It isn't safe for teenaged girls to walk around alone at night.

Madamecastafiore Sat 01-Mar-14 09:24:27

He sounds lovely and caring. I would be proud of him wanting to ensure the safety of his girlfriend and think you are interfering in something that has nothing to do with you.

LucyLasticBand Sat 01-Mar-14 09:27:35

is he putting petrol in?
and if she cant get home i dont see why he shouldnt drive her,

BlueSkySunnyDay Sat 01-Mar-14 09:32:35

YABU - as a teen if id gone to the cinema with a boyfriend and he'd driven off in his car leaving me to catch a bus he would be an ex boyfriend. It's one of the ways you judge if you have a nice boyfriend or not.

I can't believe anyone would make this a feminist issue.

BlueSkySunnyDay Sat 01-Mar-14 09:36:15

Her parents are making an effort by taking her there which is right. Obviously he should be responsible for fuel costs (up to them if they split that 50/50)

yourlittlesecret Sat 01-Mar-14 09:37:50

Ok ok, I am wrong, I thought I might be and MN would let me know!

Just for the record he gives lifts regularly (in my car) to his friends of both sexes who live in the surrounding villages. Of course before he could drive it was me or DH who did the driving around. It's just that this one is so far out of the way and her parents apparently refuse to give her a lift.

I will give in gracefully smile.

Bonsoir Sat 01-Mar-14 09:38:29

I don't agree that the OP's DSS1 needs to be responsible for the fuel costs. We pay for our DSSs' public transport costs.

KatieScarlett2833 Sat 01-Mar-14 09:42:14

DS gets lifts all the time from his mates. He was only 17 a few months ago and some of his school mates are a whole year older.
I was a bit shock at tales of how the 6th year boys regularly drive out for lunch. When I was at school, none of my peers had a car. DS has been saving since birth for his...

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