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(8 Posts)
hilary2012 Fri 28-Feb-14 09:57:49

Ok so what do you do if you find hidden in the shed a cannabis grinder and a bong? Am presuming these were put there by my 15 DS....
Chuck them in the bin?- have it out with them? - refuse to give them back? BTW son admits smocking drugs sometimes with mates.....
Any advice please?

Misfitless Fri 28-Feb-14 11:36:08

Stay calm, which it sounds like you are.

After that, I don't know. Are you friends with any of his friends' parents? If you are on friendly terms, and you know the friends he smokes with , it might be worth you getting together and coming up with a united front, if you are like minded people.

I'd have a look on that website they were advertising a few years back, I think it's called 'Frank' or something. It's full of advice, that you could maybe read through together. Other than that, I'm not sure x

Andy1964 Fri 28-Feb-14 11:39:14

Do some research on the health and moral dangers of smoking weed to be prepared and educated about the subject.
Research the Pros and Cons.
Confiscate the apparatus.
Confront (now that you can have a educated conversation about it)

It's your house and there are rules in your house (even the shed!)
Lay them down.

At the end of the day you can't stop it happening but i think you need to have an adult conversation about it

Claybury Fri 28-Feb-14 13:03:04

Time for honest talk and education. I had the same when DS was 14 , though I feel nothing I said or did had much impact. By 15 my DS moved on to occasionally trying ecstasy and ketamine, I would say do not ignore, try to keep communication open. He will probably lie to you though.
Lots of parents seem to accept teens smoking weed is normal, it is commonplace however I don't believe that means parents should turn a blind eye and be seen to allow it.

hilary2012 Fri 28-Feb-14 13:28:33

Thanks for all the replies. He has now asked for it back, claiming it's a friends and he will get into trouble if he doesn't return it......???

Have had open honest chats with him. He says he doesn't do it all the time- now and then....., but that virtually all of his mates are doing it.
I don't know any of his friends parents as he has recently moved schools and got into new crowd.
Claybury- how old is your boy now? Do they grow out of this? Or does it escalate......
Instinct tells me to come down hard, but don't want to alienate him and stop him talking honestly to me. At the end of the day he knows all the risks (had those conversations many times) so he will ultimately decide what he does. Me yelling at him to never smoke again is not going to cut it I don't think.
Have rang FRANK and they say that cannabis is todays 'couple of cans of can of beer' from past eras and that it rarely leads onto something more serious.........................
SO do I give him the damn thing back and get it out of my house...............

Claybury Fri 28-Feb-14 17:16:41

I'm assuming you don't know the 'friend' who owns the bong? One of the things that upset me most was I was one of the last parents to know that the boys were smoking weed, and given they started at 13 I was shocked that nobody thought to get in touch with me. However if you don't know the other parents it's rather tricky.
Do they grow out of it ? Well statistically yes, but not everyone does. Does your DS have a good attitude to school work ? My DS is quite conscientious and tbh the smoking hasn't noticeably affected his studies. He probably smokes on a fri and sat night but his school attendance so 100%.
In the end as you say you can't stop him, but my advice would be to try to maintain a good relationship with him and keep some boundaries in place.
My DS ' s group of friends go to raves sometimes and I'm sure they use other drugs there ( mdma ) but again all we can do is be aware and try to keep communication open.
We did take him to a drug counsellor who he agreed to see a few times. I suppose I can say I did as much as I can but ultimately they have to make their own choices.
The other issue is to say what happens if you get caught in possession. At my DC's school in a crack down several kids were excluded for intent to supply and the police can look at your Facebook messaging to determine this. This was precipitated by a parent finding weed in their DC's room and going to the police.
Ultimately, though, you are likely to be dealing with a 15 year old who thinks he is invincible and you are an out of touch old person....

FyfieldFred Wed 05-Mar-14 11:42:24

This happened to me last year! I found a bong in my daughter's room and when I faced her with it she literally turned white. We had a long chat about the rights and wrongs of it and I removed the bong. She told me a 'friend' (wouldn't name his/her) had got it and that they'd smoked it once or twice but has promised me, and for once I think she's telling me the truth, that it hasn't happened again. I also rang her school and had a long chat with her head of year and within a month the school had organised a PEACE talk with an ex-drug addict which I think may have done the trick. We'll see.

norahlil Tue 11-Mar-14 12:13:22

I've been here with this and would say be tough.

It's not acceptable if you don't want it in your house. I wish I had done that. The bottom line is if you don't do it yourself and don't want to have it in the house you should say so. Drugs are everywhere and cannabis is just one of them. I know both my DS and DD have experimented, for some that's what it is and remains, but for others, well, we all know the facts about drugs and what can happen. Fortunately they both seem to have more important things in life now such as a degree and a job.

We are beginning to see some companies introducing employee tests for cannabis, which should give us an idea of how prevalent it is in the wider community. What was once something to be illicitly enjoyed at a party a couple of times a year is now daily for some people and they think it's ok. It's not.

Your DS is 15 and you are responsible, so be tough! Good luck.

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