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17 year old dd- I'm at a loss:(. Long.....sorry.

(5 Posts)
kansasmum Tue 25-Feb-14 15:03:16

Our dd is 17 and to say life has been a roller coaster is an understatement!!
She dropped out of 6th form in June last year and has been working p/t in the village pub since. She dropped out but would probably have been asked to leave anyway due to appalling attendance and grades. She thinks it's 'cool' to say she got kicked out.
She has given us tons of grief over the last year but recently thought we might be turning a corner - she has a recently sweet boyfriend, she has been talking about doing some travelling in Australia and NZ for a year, working as waitress etc over there and then maybe training to be a dental nurse. We've been very supportive of this.
Dd and boyfriend recently went on holiday to Egypt together. Dd was homesick and texted me a lot but apart from one argument they got on fine and had a good time.
Today they were both here and I could hear them having full blown argument upstairs and the boyfriend was crying and really upset. Dd can be a real bitch- horrible to say that about my own daughter. She hasnt got many friends cos she has treated most of them like shit.

She stormed out the house with boyfriend in hot pursuit despite me telling me to leave her to cool off.
I asked dd what she'd done and as usual she said ' oh yeah it's always my fault I'm the horrible person and she was acting like she didn't give a toss the boyfriend was upset.

She's known this boy for years - since started high school and he's really kind. They have been really good friends. She obviously feels I should agree with her no matter what and now it will all be my fault for assuming she is the bitch etc. I would have stayed out of it but they were shouting and Dh works from home so intervention was needed.
It may not have been all her fault ( although past experience suggests otherwise!) but why does she have to be so horrible?

How do I get her to just realise she needs to treat people kindly and with respect. If I try and discuss things calmly she gets really mad and shouts and storms off - anything to avoid facing up to things.

Sorry for epic rant. Just want her to be pleasant and respectful to us and other people and DO something with her life.

HavantGuard Tue 25-Feb-14 15:09:16

She's 17. She has plenty of time to 'do something' with her life.

I am very surprised that you asked her what she'd done. You sound so negative about her she can't fail to pick up on it.

kansasmum Tue 25-Feb-14 15:41:29

Yes I agree I do sound negative. I feel very negative. I probably shouldn't have asked her what she'd done but nothing is ever her fault - she takes NO responsibility for her choices or behaviour, ever.

BuzzLightbulb Tue 25-Feb-14 15:56:13

She'll grow up. And it might be quite painful for her, but you'll have to let her do it by herself.

There's a bit of believing they're always right and everyone else is wrong in every teenager. Some more than others. You don't need to feed that.

If you do ever talk to her about stuff try not to make it about what you think. Just ask her how she would feel, is this something she might look back on and regret, wish things had turned put different.

You maybe just need to give her loads of space, step right back out of her life for a bit. Until she is ready to get closer to you again.

It will happen.

mathanxiety Tue 25-Feb-14 16:40:03

Depression? Not able to accept life's ups and downs? Immature?

She will grow up when she realises she has alienated everyone and has nobody to socialise with. The devoted boyfriend is an enabler and isn't helping if he keeps coming back for more poor treatment.

Has she ever been screened for depression?

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