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Ex husbands mother

(4 Posts)
AlienInScoltand Wed 12-Feb-14 20:08:10

My ex husband has not seen my teenage children (15 and 17) for nearly three years after he said he did not want to spend any time with our youngest son as my ex felt that our son was rude and uncommunicative - as most teenagers are!
My ex's mother has been put in a very difficult situation, she does love her grandchildren, and of course, she loves her son, so she has my sons for their supper every Friday evening.
I have never stopped them seeing their dad or their nana, but now they are nearly adults, I cannot force my children to see them.
Myself and my partner, my sons and their nana have tried to sort out this mess but my ex husband did not want to know.
Yesterday, nana took my oldest son into the nearest town with her as she had a hospital appointment. Oldest son was on leave from school as he has just finished his prelims. Whilst they were at the hospital, they 'bumped' into my ex husband and nana suggested that they go to my exs house for supper - up until this point, we did not know where he lived - and so as not to upset nana, my son agreed, even though he did not want to. My son came back from this trip upset and confused, and asked me to talk to nana and explain that he did not want to see his dad.
So, I phoned tonight. I must stress that I would hate to be in her situation, its a horrible situation all round! I attempted to explain that she had to respect the boys decision not to see their father, and that if they did want to see him, then I would speak to her so she could get in touch with him to arrange a meeting. Nana has now blamed my youngest son for all of this and has said that if the boys do not see their dad, then they do not see her! What do I do? She can't blackmail them surely!

PleaseNoScar Wed 12-Feb-14 20:16:49

No she can't. Maybe once she has had time to think this through/miss them a bit she'll change her mind.

Alternatively... The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

flow4 Thu 13-Feb-14 06:35:35

How upsetting for you all. sad My guess would be that she is confused and upset herself. Give her a few days to get her head round this. It may be that she realises she has been irrational and unfair, and comes back to you. Fingers crossed.

If she doesn't, that's a shame. But it doesn't change the way you're handling anything. You're right to support your boys to make their own decisions, as you have been doing.

AlienInScoltand Thu 13-Feb-14 06:55:30

Thanks guys. I hope she does come round, she is the only grandparent left and children need their nana's and noonoo's!

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