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Worried sick about my teenage son

(11 Posts)
notaclue123 Wed 05-Feb-14 11:10:56

Hi everyone, I am absolutely desperate for some advice and simply don't know where to turn.

I recently found a huge bag of sex toys in my son's bedroom. Some are dildos etc, but there is a huge collection of bondage gear. There was also a sheet of paper with lines written on, saying "I have been very naughty. I am very sorry. Sir owns me" repeatedly. I have also discovered that he has been talking to people online on BDSM sites and has met up with at least one person from these sites, who he refers to as his "Master". The man he met is in his 30s.

Now, if he was a bit younger, I think I would be going to the police, but he has just turned 18 (He was 17 last summer when the meeting that I know about took place). He is is very young for his age though, he has never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, is small and slightly built. He is very intelligent, but quite shy and extremely naive.

We (DH and I) have talked to him about the items and assured him that it doesn't matter to us what his sexuality is (he says he doesn't know whether he is gay, bi or straight), but that we are desperately worried about his dangerous behaviour. I've also told him that I don't think BDSM is a very healthy introduction to sex, for someone who has absolutely no sex/relationship experience.

We've always been open with him and taught him that sex is something that should be between people who respect themselves and each other, so I'm really shocked that he finds this acceptable. He thinks I'm being a drama queen about the safety issue, but the idea of meeting a stranger off the internet is terrifying to me in any circumstances, but especially when this man is so much older and they have this master/sub relationship going on. We have always taught the dangers of meeting up with people from the internet etc so I am amazed that he would have such a cavalier attitude to his personal safety.

I feel like I want to permanently ground him and confiscate his computer and phone etc, but obviously that is unrealistic because of his age. But I am absoulutely terrified of the risks he has taken.

I would be very grateful for any advice.

NeoFaust Wed 05-Feb-14 11:12:52

He's 18. You can define what does/does not happen in your home, but not in his life.

FuckyNell Wed 05-Feb-14 11:16:52

I can imagine its a shock of course. However there's not a lot you can do. Certainly you can't ground him!

It's a bit 'out there' I suppose (well to me anyway) but this stuff does go on and is enjoyed by many.

Do yourself a favour and try to bleach your brain a bit. And stop snooping in his room!!

notaclue123 Wed 05-Feb-14 11:22:48

I know I can't ground him, I just meant that I want to be able to keep him safe.

Does no one else think that a middle aged man chatting up a 17 year old boy is scary?

FuckyNell Wed 05-Feb-14 11:28:33

I don't like it either op. Best you can do is hope he grows out of it.

As long as you've warned him of the dangers then you'll have done your bit. Just say no if he invites him over for dinner. Or yes then you can duff him up after dessert.

Is there anything else you're worried about your son? His is he in himself?

FuckyNell Wed 05-Feb-14 11:29:09

*How is he in himself

notaclue123 Wed 05-Feb-14 11:38:56

He seems fine in himself - a bit embarassed and annoyed with me at the moment - not surprisingly! But otherwise ok. He's doing well at school and seems happy enough.

There's no chance of him inviting the guy over to dinner. He is very reluctant to tell us anything about him, other than what he had been told by someone else, so we already knew.

He now says he only met him once, for coffee, but we also know he has lied to us, saying he hadn't met him at all, when we knew that he had done. So it is difficult to trust what he's saying at the moment.

FuckyNell Wed 05-Feb-14 12:14:04

Maybe just back off then, don't mention it and like I said above hope it's just a phase.

Try not to worry op.

notaclue123 Wed 05-Feb-14 12:24:25

Thank you. I will try not to worry. I am a very anxious person anyway, so this will be easier said than done, but I will try. smile

FuckyNell Wed 05-Feb-14 12:27:26

Yes being anxious makes everything seem worse doesn't it? If everything stays normal for him then I'm sure it'll all be fine smile

notaclue123 Thu 06-Feb-14 10:12:35

I take it back about him doing well at school. He has just failed his mocks sad

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