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What's life like with your 16 year old?

(32 Posts)
hippity Wed 29-Jan-14 15:05:35

Our conversations our killing me. He is so full of himself, spouts on about subjects he knows nothing about, lectures me on how I'm bringing up DS (all wrong hmm) almost endlessly, engages me on a subject (i.e. women's rights or terrorism and then attacks along the lines of 'you're just saying that because all you think about is money, or you're middle class so you don't care about ordinary people, etc and other such utter nonsense. I use the 'how to talk to teenagers' technique but to no avail. He just wants to tell me stuff so he can revel in how incredibly clever he is. I don't want to knock him down because for various reasons he is quite insecure and I would not want to dent his confidence.

Is it just us, or is this normal?

motherstongue Sat 01-Feb-14 16:38:17

My DS loves a good debate/argument/rant, aged 15. He is tremendously funny when he goes off on one. He loves politics and has maintained for years he wants to be a politician but it is safe to say that until many of his views moderate we are in no immediate danger!!!!!!

I take the view that he is talking to us and engaging with the wider world so it's all good.

I belong to an Orators Club and when he is home from school he comes with me. He loves it and secretly I love that he loves it as I get to spend some time with him and he can get up and have a rant if he wants to. Maybe you could check out something like that from the point of view of his confidence. The club lets than talk bout various subjects and then the members give them feedback in a supportive manner on how they could improve their speaking skills. Great experience for the Uni interviews or job interviews in the future too.

Lurleene Thu 30-Jan-14 20:55:58

Mmmm, yes I agree.

The other day my 17yo DD was lamenting the fact that she is still at school while her friend has a 'really good job earning 7 pound an hour'. I pointed out that although she is earning a good wage for her age, it wouldn't be enough money to pay all the rent and bills for a place of her own to which DD replied 'what on earth would you know about it?!!!'.hmm

elastamum Thu 30-Jan-14 20:47:35

In the words of Frank Turner:

'He's not as clever as he likes to think, he's just ambitous with his arguing!'

Catsmamma Thu 30-Jan-14 17:51:52

I do actually say, "look I really am not interested, shooosh now." but my 16 year old is my third so I am so done. If I am kind I say to discuss it with dh.

I did think today, goodness he is being all chatty and charming, which he was and then realised that the prelims are done, so all the oafish and obnoxious has been a little exaggerated over the last couple of weeks.

hippity Thu 30-Jan-14 17:45:02

fifietta more like he grants me an audience grin

mateysmum Thu 30-Jan-14 16:02:51

My 16 yr old Ds is in training to be the all powerful ruler of the world. The main qualifications are,being right about everything, knowing everything about everything, and his parents supplying the funds and the food! grin He,s lovely really.

fifietta Thu 30-Jan-14 16:00:48

Relish the fact that your 16 year old talks to you!

DaffodilShoots Thu 30-Jan-14 15:46:10

It's like living with a teenage Jeremy Paxman. Wearing.

claraschu Thu 30-Jan-14 15:26:05

Awww they all sound lovely. Be proud of your clever, pompous, insecure, presumptuous, naive, snobbish, darling overgrown toddlers. I had one, but he is 18 now and much more reasonable. My 15 year old only grunts.

Stricnine Thu 30-Jan-14 14:26:42

We have had this with our (now) 17 year old DD .. she was soooo opinionated at 16 and still is to a degree...but also just wait till you get to "The Job" - it's such hard work, no-one works as hard .. has as awful a boss etc etc .. it's really good value then!!

All part of growing up and finding your place in the world .. I'm just a little jaded by it all smile

Takingbackmonday Thu 30-Jan-14 14:12:49


I was like that. Politics A level didn't help.

I went on to work for the Tories grin (not anymore.)

ivykaty44 Thu 30-Jan-14 07:14:04

Hippity I would be suggesting that the 16 year old takes over with some child care as he is obviously very capable and take a day out and leave him to it

ivykaty44 Thu 30-Jan-14 07:12:19

Keep asking them questions, but in particular use that very old favourite of there own from when they ere about three year old.….........why? Why? Why? And then ask why?

Agree with them and agree some more, this goes against the principal of being a teenager to have your parents, or people of a certain age (anyone over 30)agree with them

Enjoy the fact they talk to you

hippity Thu 30-Jan-14 06:57:24

It's been more difficult really because I gave up alcohol for January - usually I have a glass of one and get my 'ooh, really?" non-committal head on grin

He's no fool though and has worked out how to wind me up, mainly focusing on DS i.e. he has too much screen time or is rough and wild even though not remotely true, it's not exactly what a mother wants to hear!

catfromjapan is that you Ms Valentine!

thecatfromjapan Wed 29-Jan-14 20:45:44

Hippity - I have been told by friends that I am very easy going, and by those less fond of me that I am a doormat. Tonight I just broke and completely ranted at my 16 year old. He sounds extremely similar to yours -- when he can be bothered to speak to me at all.

I really did reach the end of my tether tonight. <sigh>

I really could do with a holiday, far away from all of them (my family).

moggiek Wed 29-Jan-14 20:39:43

Oh, I remember it well grin. My protagonist is now 35, and calls to ask my advice about bringing up his own DSs!

hippity Wed 29-Jan-14 18:18:51

furry we have the gym chat too <sigh>

I exercised my powers of annoyance in my day I'm sure grin

dobedobedo Wed 29-Jan-14 17:37:44

I have a 9 year old ds, and he's not at that know-it-all uppity stage yet, but I was for most of my teenage years.
How annoying I must have been!

furrymuff Wed 29-Jan-14 17:28:51

The conversation with mine just now consisted of "god I'm so handsome - why am I so handsome mum?", and "mum, just look at all of these girls numbers in my phone, mum look, mum LOOK!" while I sat reading MN and murmuring "that's nice dear"! grin. I also got treated to a 10 min monologue on how many reps he'd just done at the gym working on his "guns" Is good to know I have raised a child with such a healthy self-esteem, but sometimes it's like living with Ron Burgundy grin

hippity Wed 29-Jan-14 17:19:12

I wouldn't have any problem debating something, I would be glad to. That's not what he wants though. It comes from somewhere else - we have only had him three years so I just wondered what it was like for 'mothers' of 16 year old and whether this was actually quite normal.

BackforGood Wed 29-Jan-14 16:53:34

What CathyandClaire said. (Great memories from that name, btw grin)
My (now 17 yr old) ds is doing Philosophy and ethics, and has always loved a good argument about anything, and his 15yr old sister loves an argument too, so there is often a good old discussion going on about something. I will ask him what they are talking about at the moment to enjoy a good debate, sometimes. It's good to let them practice putting across their argument / explaining their pov to someone with you.
Slightly different in that his confidence is always sky high so I have no worries about ridiculing his argument wink

mrsjay Wed 29-Jan-14 16:43:30

DO the mumsnet phrase did you mean to be so rude, try it it works

mrsjay Wed 29-Jan-14 16:42:40

right well you need to tell him that you are not going to talk to him when he is being rude just dont engage with him and when he goes on about your being money obsessed or middle class say fine then I will stop pocket money or <insert activity> he likes to do, there is them being a bit mouthy and rudeness and contempt dd1 went through the latter it was hard but you can stop it by not engaging with them

hippity Wed 29-Jan-14 16:35:53

Mrsjay i rather suspect he uses 'debate' as a front for rudeness, that's the problem really.

mrsjay Wed 29-Jan-14 16:23:17

I have had major barneys debates with my near 16 yr old about scottish independence and the death penalty, OP were you not a know it all at 16 it is what they do dd1 was worse she was very uppity at 16 , let some of it go but do not allow him to be disrespectful or cheeky to you

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