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What are your rules about phones and gadgets in bedrooms overnight?

(73 Posts)
Dancergirl Tue 31-Dec-13 00:06:05

Dd is 12.5 and has an itouch and a phone (not smartphone). She's reasonably sensible regarding their use as far as I can see. Up to now she hasn't been 'into' her gadgets as much as some teens but I think that's changing.

She's not interested in Facebook but she's on Instagram like her friends and also texts a fair bit. In term time I try and encourage phones and gadgets off by 8.30ish but it's not completely set in stone and there's a bit of leeway. However I've realised that her phone and iPod are still by her bedside. She told me tonight (quite late) that a girl she knew was on Instagram as she saw her iPod flash so she had a look.

Would it be unreasonable to insist that phones and gadgets are left downstairs overnight for the sake of good sleeping habits?

What are your rules and do they differ in term and holiday time?

mathanxiety Thu 02-Jan-14 20:50:05

Boundaries can develop naturally when you make clear what your values are and when you model what you hope to achieve. Rules sometimes get in the way of that, especially if they seem random or unfair or impractical.

It always seemed to me if the end result was going to be self regulation then they needed practice, and experience of natural consequences.

mathanxiety Thu 02-Jan-14 20:58:30

Actually, about bullying -- one of the issues I am facing with DD4 is a little group of girls in her class who are up all night (it seems) texting together, with the subject matter being other girls in her class, including DD4. I found out that DD4 liked to keep abreast of the latest scorn being poured upon her so she wouldn't be surprised by odd looks cast her way in the morning in school. She herself isn't part of the group but there is someone in the group (a gossip banker) who broadcasts what is being said. Nastiness goes on whether you have your phone in your room with you or not and you will not avoid it by not having the technology at hand. Technology has facilitated it by extending the hours in which it can happen.

livinginawinterwonderland Fri 03-Jan-14 06:56:10

It's not easier to avoid bullying. If it's going to happen, it will happen regardless of where they keep their laptop and regardless of what time they go to bed.

Peer pressure doesn't stop because you've turned off your computer for the night. The problems at school will still exist the next day regardless of whether you've been made to get offline or not hmm

nooka Fri 03-Jan-14 07:44:18

We set bedtimes dependent on how much sleep our children need in order to function well at school and home. It's pretty obvious when they are tired, ds gets pale and snappy and dd has migraines. Neither are conducive to a happy family life.

We've allowed a small amount of negotiation, but not a lot and it's not been an issue. We've never been terribly interested in when their peers go to bed, and as our children are very close in age they have always had the same bedtime. So our 'arbitrary' bedtime rule has worked very well for us.

Sleep is important, and as someone who has at times struggled with insomnia (as have both children) I've done a fair bit of research as to good sleep habits. What I have taken from that is that a regular bedtime helps to establish routine, if you are over tired it is even harder to get to sleep, having a wind down routine helps, and distractions in the bedroom do not.

I know how much sleep I need in order to function optimally. That doesn't stop me from going to bed too late!

nooka Fri 03-Jan-14 07:47:56

Oh and having sight of our computer (until recently internet access was only in our living room) did help us to both see and address online bullying in dd's peer group. Also to coach her through how to respond to nastiness in a way that didn't suck her in. Hopefully she now has better tools to work through the crap that I'm sure will continue to come her way.

Likewise hearing ds on his x-box (all consoles in living rooms) has enabled us to provide him with support with combating racist/sexist comments, defriending idiots etc.

NoComet Fri 03-Jan-14 20:23:57

DD1 has always got bullied, she doesn't social network, ring or text anyone at school and refuses to have FB, she says they manage to be quite nasty enough without her helping them.

DD1 dies do plenty of late night texting and facetiming the DF (who goes to a different school) who keeps her sane.

Technology really can be used for good and ill.

madeofkent Fri 03-Jan-14 20:32:08

We were ok until we moved when my daughter was 16. She was fine with her phone, it was the boyfriend she left behind who kept waking her with calls at 2am. So the phone had to be confiscated so that she could blame us. I found that they are fine until they are in a relationship. My son was banned from having anything at all, not even a tv, for a couple of years. He has a den they went in so it didn't matter, they just weren't in his bedroom.

coolmom420 Sun 05-Jan-14 19:49:01

I never interfere with my daughters internet usage. She is allowed on it whenever she wants, and as long as she wants. She is happy, and I am too.

JessMcL Tue 07-Jan-14 01:10:09

DS is 16 and has been allowed gadgets/laptop alone in his room since 13. Never had any issues. I don't believe in setting boundaries unless there is a justification- if your child cannot be trusted then obviously confiscate as necessary. He chooses when to sleep- if his school work is affected (which is very rare) then we deal with it as necessary but we have always let him make his own decisions- we have brought him to be responsible and that's what he is.

I realise i'm lucky. I know DD1 (who is nearly 11) will be the opposite and we will probably have to confiscate gadgets etc when she is allowed them (13)

justkeepsmiling123 Sat 11-Jan-14 14:19:15

Mine are 14 and 12 on a a school night they can not go on their laptops after 8 and their gadgets (phones) are retrieved when they go to bed. On a weekend they are allowed to keep their gadgets but wifi is turned off at night.

longingforsomesleep Sat 11-Jan-14 14:27:27

We have introduced a new regime recently where DS (15) puts his laptop and phone outside his room by 10pm on school nights. This is because his controlling and attention-seeking gf angry expects to be able to contact him every minute she is awake. She would think nothing of waking him up in the middle of the night.

Starballbunny Sat 11-Jan-14 14:46:55

Using parents's 'rules' as a way of avoiding things the teen doesn't want or agrees they shouldn't do, is another matter.

Blaming your phone charging down stairs rule, is far easier than saying I want sleep. Sorry I can't join in the class nastiness my WiFi goes off at 9.30 (even if it doesn't) can be very useful.

My DDad was stricter than some of my friends' parents and a real stickler for being back in time.

I certainly wasn't beyond saying I was allowed to do X or had to be home by Y, when truth was I didn't want to spend the money, drink that much or get involved that deeply.

Ledkr Sat 11-Jan-14 14:54:41

I'm glad I saw this thread as apparently I am the only parent in the entire universe who doesn't let my 11 yr old dd have her I pad in her room all night hmm

Gymbob Sat 18-Jan-14 20:28:46

No you're not Ledkr, mine have nothing in their rooms overnight except books. They don't even have TV's in their rooms. Bedrooms are for sleeping in and that's all!

Starballbunny Sat 18-Jan-14 20:36:33

Bedrooms are for chilling and escapping the world, not just sleeping.

Gymbob Sat 18-Jan-14 22:26:09

Ok star, they are for chilling and escaping the world too (as long as there are no screens involved)smile

Starballbunny Sat 18-Jan-14 22:33:28

No screens, no head phones, nothing that needs charging hmm, that's infinitely worse, that means a book and books don't go flat. (Ok neither do wired in lap tops).

But screens tend to be tiring, DDs are quite amenable to turning off gadgets if asked, books are sneaked out again and lights go back on.

Truly silly O'clock, 1am/2am kind of silly O'clock is invariably the fault of books.

MoreBeta Sat 18-Jan-14 22:40:46

No screens or gadgets up stairs ever in our house.

The school has asked us to enforce that as some children are arriving at school exhausted after texting in early hours and also a lot of online bullying at night.

Starballbunny Sat 18-Jan-14 22:52:25

Sorry, bullying schools business, house rules non of schools business.

I hope it's a primary, if it's a secondary the pupils will laugh their heads off.

MoreBeta Sat 18-Jan-14 22:57:14

No its secondary and it quite a serious issue. No one is laughing. The parents were given a special briefing at the start of the year.

Starballbunny Sat 18-Jan-14 23:57:54

Bullying is serious and absolutely should be stamped on, but I doubt any of the pupils appreciate being told what they may or may not have in their own bedrooms and when.

Primary school children have very little respect for HTs who start suggesting bed times.

IME teachers get best results and most respect if they stick to teaching and necessary discipline, forays into bed time, what's in lunch boxes, drink bottles or other interference beyond these two essentials generally do not end well.

Dancergirl Sun 19-Jan-14 09:38:55

morebeta have parents generally adhered to the recommendations?

Dancergirl Sun 19-Jan-14 09:45:19

starball what on earth are you on about re primary school children???

Maybe teachers are sick and tired of trying to teach over-tired, grumpy children who haven't had enough sleep and are frustrated that some parents don't care enough to ensure children are fresh and ready to learn.

I once heard a well known childrens psychologist speak. She said getting enough sleep is one of the most important things for a child's development and she wishes more parents cared about it more than, for example, getting their child into a particular school.

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