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aibu to refuse to pay £3000 for my 16 year old daughter to go on a summer holiday?

(82 Posts)
caroleharolde Thu 26-Dec-13 15:20:39

An association with my daughters school takes the 16 year olds there on a month long trip around America for the summer. No bursaries are offered and most kids go on this tour and most have wealthy parents. If you could afford it would you allow your child on this? It would be a struggle for us to afford to pay and I don't want her to think that what normal people can afford to do as many of her friends are multi,millionaires

sparklysilversequins Fri 03-Jan-14 10:32:49

TBH I'm not a big fan of refusing things just to show a lesson ie as in this case not everyone can afford this holiday and that's what we are showing you by not letting you go even though we can afford it at a push. Ime most children realise exactly what their family can or afford and act and ask accordingly. I don't think we give them enough credit.

sparklysilversequins Fri 03-Jan-14 10:18:30

If I could afford it as you asked in your OP, yes of course. I would make it very clear that this was difficult for us to do but that I wanted her to have the experience and expect her to save any pocket money or earnings towards it.

If you couldn't find the money of course not.

profilewithoutaname Fri 03-Jan-14 00:47:37

I'd never send my teenager on a holiday and especially not with school.
Because even for an adult being somewhere unknown with others you're very easily influenced to do stupid stuff. Like a lot do on holiday. And in mine experience schools are very good in doing stupid stuff with kids when on camp or holiday.
Teachers that drink and get drunk. Going in groups in unknown area and try to find your way over there. Not sufficient supervision over the teenagers.

I wouldn't go myself let alone send my kid with a school out on a holiday for a month!

mathanxiety Tue 31-Dec-13 03:37:53

Save your money and when she's in university, have her get a J-1 visa to work for a summer in the US. You can give her some money at that point to get herself situated and she will have a far more educational time in the US.

DD1 and then DD2 each went on a school trip abroad that cost about $3,500 (separately, many years apart). They managed to fund half the cost. Even still, I don't think it was worth it except as an exercise in making and saving money (so quite useful but not as a foreign trip).

LynetteScavo Mon 30-Dec-13 18:17:13

If I could afford it, and it wouldn't affect the rest of the family having a holiday, etc, then I would happily send my DC.....I wouldn't have an issue with them feeling entitled, etc. However, it's not the sort of trip where I would feel guilty about not being able to pay for if I couldn't afford it. It does sound like a bit of a holiday, rather than a trip to immerse yourself in the language, for example.

Dontletthemgetyoudown Mon 30-Dec-13 18:10:05

Regardless of state or private school, if I could afford it without scrimping then I would pay for the dc to go. If I could manage say half then I'd offer the opportunity to them to earn the other half. Some of the schools here do the month long trips. Ds1 did and was sponsored by a local company, others raised money by raffles with prizes donated by companies or cake sales, car washes etc.

LollipopViolet Mon 30-Dec-13 09:06:03

An alternative, if she really wants to do something like this, is to wait til she's old enough to do Camp America. After the camp, you have I believe a month long visa to travel within the US.

She would also be helping at a summer camp and earning money while she did it, to fund the travel after.

DalmationDots Sun 29-Dec-13 22:15:03

Relating to earlier posts- I agree travelling is an incredible experience but I also think you get as much from it whatever age you go. Parents should not feel guilty if their DC has to miss out.
Once they are older they can raise the money or pay themselves.
They will not miss out in life and you not letting them go aged 16 does not mean they will never go- they should have another 70+ years to make the most of these things.

DalmationDots Sun 29-Dec-13 22:13:09

DD went to a private school, but it was very mixed and while there were millionaires, there were also many who worked their arses off to send their children there with not much leftover!
Generally because of the nature of the school trips were not this expensive.
DD knew not to ask if things were extortionate. if she was desperate to go then she would have to contribute a lot or fund raise.
We had one issue with the ski trip. DD couldn't go as it was very expensive, all her friends did go though. It was year 8/9 so the age where they are super bitchy! They came back full of tales and made out they had made new better friends. DD found it very tricky but with time the 'amazing' ski trip memories faded and she was back in favor. It is difficult but all a learning curve and DD is far more grateful and resilient having had to miss out.

Talk to the school if your DD wants to go desperately. Or find a cheaper thing she could do with a company. Or come up with an arrangement by which she fundraises the money.

It is tough and I can relate how frustrating it is.

mummy1973 Sat 28-Dec-13 22:19:32

op...? Interested to know what you think?

Leeds2 Sat 28-Dec-13 18:15:23

I would let her go if I could afford it (without causing hardship to the rest of the family), and if all her friends were going. But I would expect DD to raise at least some of the money herself, with a weekend job/paper round/babysitting/car washing/dog walking etc.

Would the school let them organise a fund raising event at school? I don't know the ins and outs, but at my DD's school the older girls (Y11 and Y12) ran a disco for the Years 7 and 8 to raise money for a similar venture. Think they charged an entry fee, sold drinks and sweets etc and also did nails and make up for a fee beforehand.

mrsjay Sat 28-Dec-13 13:58:51

everybodies priorities and financies are different

Mabelandrose Sat 28-Dec-13 13:49:06

Traveling is my biggest priority in life. I hope I will be able to continue this once I have children so that they can be a part of it too. There is nothing else I would rather spend my money on.

I do think that your daughter should work hard to make it happen though. Camp America might also be worth looking into if the 3k is too much?

mrsjay Sat 28-Dec-13 11:57:39

I could not afford or be able to raise 3k for a trip to america so dd would need to raise the money herself I didnt let them go on a £800 ski trip it was for 5 bloody days , I dont think these experiences mean much in later life maybe i am just stingy and mean

34DD Sat 28-Dec-13 09:41:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerlockSholmes Sat 28-Dec-13 09:03:51

A girl in my village did lots of fundraising to semd herself to africa to teach for a year.

she did sponsored runs and.things like tgat amd raised over half the money she needed to go.

could your daughter do something like this?

To me it is not even about being able to afford it or not.

I really object on principle to spend that much money on something like this. I just picture all these blase teens, who have been to far flung places yet never seen Wales or Scotland or historical sites in England.

Visit the UK, then Europe, it is sad if that is seen as " not exciting enough", as there is much to see and do.

People can go to faraway places once they are a bit older.

Having lived in South America, I would seriously worry about the busloads of spoilt western teens ( who do not even know they are spoilt) with their Nike shoes and logoed clothes, flashing their smart phones... In Peru a few visiting school buses were held up at gun point in recent years.

Sure, teachers read up on safety, but if you have never lived in a third world country it is hard to grasp the level of poverty, and the extravagant value of a pair of branded trainers to the poor and/ or criminal minded. Let alone the smart phones all the kids carry along, which are unheard luxuries and worth the rob someone for, let alone a busload of kids with them.

Ludicrous, these trips.

Poor you.

But surely your life wasn't too slummy, compared to most?

iamaduck Fri 27-Dec-13 19:05:22

i went to a private school and often felt left out as all my friends would go on these trips, they would talk about it and i wouldn't be able to join in sad

NumptyNameChange Fri 27-Dec-13 18:46:55

and america fgs - how is america life changing?

NumptyNameChange Fri 27-Dec-13 18:46:15

agreed wakemeup - i don't see how being herded on and off a bus following a regimented schedule you have no control over and doesn't allow spontaneity is a life changing experience or 'the chance of a lifetime'. that's a pretty low bar to set.

i wonder if it is parents who never really traveled themselves independently and that therefore don't understand where the real life changing stuff comes in that shell out for these trips?

wakemeupnow Fri 27-Dec-13 18:14:50

There's no way i would or could pay that on a months school trip.

You could travel far on that sort of cash and experience a whole lot more living than on a month's supervised trip to the US.

Tiredemma Fri 27-Dec-13 14:17:19

My DD went to Mongolia in year 12. A fabulous trip for her and almost totally self funded. She worked waitressing, cleaning cars and putting on other events for 18months prior to the event. Christmas and birthday money went towards it. The funding of it was as life changing as the actual trip. She would tell you herself how proud it made her feel to have funded it, almost to a point of rejecting help from me

^ this- would make me very proud. She sounds amazing.

littleredsquirrel Fri 27-Dec-13 14:15:50

Last year they went to Borneo.

littleredsquirrel Fri 27-Dec-13 14:15:07

My friend (not a teacher) is about to go on a three week school trip to china along with his wife (a teacher) which also coincides with the grand prix. They are not paying a penny....

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