Teenage boy and Facebook

[Chrissy6869]

My 15 year old son recently in-friended me on Facebook and I reacted badly I'm afraid. I made him add me again. I'm torn between should I give him more independence and privacy or do I continue to keep an eye out. I rarely post on his page or get involved with his posts. Please help what should I do?

[DaveBussell]

I think you need to trust your own judgement - if you feel it is important to monitor then carry on although you presumably will set an age limit.

When you say you 'rarely' post/get involved - why would you post at all? Just wondering - that might have been what led him to delete you!

[DoingItForMyself]

I got really bored of my ds's friends' posts and I also didn't want him seeing things my friends and I posted!

I think you should give him his privacy, if he knows you're watching his FB he'll just say what he wants to say by text or on some other site.

He's 15 and deserves to be able to communicate with his friends without his mum looking over his shoulder. As long as you've explained about safe internet use, not giving out personal details to ransoms etc you should unfriend him.

[Rosencrantz]

I think you should back off.

[MrsBright]

Don't be a friend on Facebook. You wont like what you read and its important he has space.

Talk to him (if you havnt already) about Facebook safety issues - only people he actually knows, no posting embarrassing/personal photos of anyone else, and security settings checked and double checked regularly bu us.

We allow 13 year old daughter FB on the condition she sticks to these rules and she tells us when things go wrong so we can help (this has happened twice and involved personal photos being re-posted by others to non-friends'). I also often 'cruise past' when she is on FB and have a sneaky look over her shoulder.

She knows there will be sanctions if she breaks the rules - usually involving temp removal of mobile/mp3 etc.

[bakehouse]

My older two both unfriended me, the eldest has readded me now! The thing is you can't see what's really going on with their Facebook even if you are friends with them. They could alter the security setting for each post so you can't see it anyway. Their friends may also post stuff to their wall but if the friends security setting is for friends only your child will be able to see it but you won't. The only way you'd have the full picture would be by having their password and logging in as them and that would be just a step too far surely?

[DoingItForMyself]

Ransoms?! I meant randoms obviously!

[DoingItForMyself]

Good point Bakehouse, yes different privacy settings for different posts means you will only see what he wants you to see anyway! And you don't want to be one of those mums who starts responding to what his friends post - you may feel that you still have some influence over him but if you start chipping in when his friends show half naked selfies he won't appreciate it.

[bigTillyMintspie]

bakehouse is right - they can alter settings so that even if you are friends, you can't see everything.
DD has been on FB for a couple of years and although we are still friends, I am pretty sure she has altered settings!

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

I am friends with DS1 (nearly 14) on Facebook. My settings are such that he is unable to see what I post (unless I choose for him to see it) and I don't see anything from his friends on my newsfeed.

I can see his timeline if I wish to, and can send him private messages and links to websites I think might amuse him.

[Bowlersarm]

I think at 15 he should be allowed his privacy, tbh.