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DCs and approach to money/work

(5 Posts)
Cerys88 Mon 09-Dec-13 00:25:08

DS is repeating first year sixth form as things didn't go well last year. He has his work cut out; is at a new school; lacks confidence. Advice from work experience manager and from a careers interview at school was to get some kind of job in order to boost confidence and get used to working with people. He's never made any effort to get a part time job.

Now, apart from this being something that I think he would really benefit from, there's a need for him to have a regular income, however small, to pay for the odd item of clothing and to start saving for Uni or wherever life takes him. Because of last year's difficulties, he's needing a couple of tutors and that'll be an additional £70 a week. Of course, I don't expect him to pay for that - or very much else - but if I felt that he was putting some money aside and could dip into his account to pay for things for himself occasionally, I'd be so relieved.

He could make the time to work c 6 hours a week, or a bit more - he spends plenty of time on his PC and console.

Money is really tight. I have two jobs, DS lost his a while ago and works p-t while looking for f-t work. An older DS, third year at Uni, has also never worked and because he's very poor at living within his means, we're constantly having to fork out. The alternative would be loosing his accommodation and not eating. We're certainly not soft - we're just exhausted by years of trying to encourage our DCs to play ball and make some effort to contribute to their outgoings.

We often ask ourselves if our DCs' attitudes are our fault. I don't think they are - entirely. Any advice about where to go with this would be gratefully received.

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Mon 09-Dec-13 01:54:49

You need to cut off the money supply to ds at Uni. Of course he doesn't live within his means as he knows that the bank of Mum and Dad will cough up, I'm afraid as long as you enable him in this way he has no incentive to change. Time for some tough love for him.

Younger ds you need to lay it on the line with him, tell him you won't be funding any more than the absolute essentials and stick to it, it's hard to do if you are used to giving in to the kids, but both of your ds will benefit, although they won't see it at the time and you need to be prepared for some tantrums when they realise that you mean what you say.

MrsBright Mon 09-Dec-13 08:51:05

Quite agree with the above. Teenagers can be utterly mercenary and will just keep taking/expecting money so long as its on offer, without a thought for the consequences to you - they think its some sort of bottomless pot.

No more money for child at Uni. You want things - get a job like the rest of us. This starts next term - do not relent or give in. Tell the child at home the same thing will apply from a given date - you will help get him a job but the rest is up to him. And again, dont relent. McDonalds are always hiring so the 'But I cant find anything' doesnt wash.

Be VERY tough about this. No concessions, 'extra time' etc. Real life starts here.

Cerys88 Mon 09-Dec-13 20:09:40

Very grateful to you both for your replies. Sound sense and I completely agree - far better for DSs in the long term. Life is tough and what better time to learn to live within your means than when you're young. Of course, mum and dad always there to pick up pieces, to be a safety net but the kids must wake up now. I find it difficult to understand all this - they know we budget very carefully and responsibly and they know how hard we work for very modest incomes.

Point taken about McD. (In fact DH presently works in a restaurant - it's certainly not beneath him but I'm afraid that the boys think otherwise.) You'd think they came from a snobbish background - anything but.

I wish financial literacy was high, high, high on agendas at school and it wouldn't go amiss at Uni, either.

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Wed 11-Dec-13 08:29:54

"I find it difficult to understand all this - they know we budget very carefully and responsibly and they know how hard we work for very modest incomes."

They might know it in theory but actually understanding and living it is different as we as adults know.

They probably won't really "get it" until they are living independently, but we still have to try and get it through to them in the meantime.

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