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opium smoking in ds student house

(20 Posts)
casualvacancy Tue 19-Nov-13 14:53:36

ds 17 recently moved into a shared student house. He made friends with one of the other guys but has since found out that he has drug problems including smoking opium.

He feels this guy is sapping his energy as he is on such a downer. He is not respecting Ds's limits, walking into his room when he wants, asking to borrow money and is constantly going on about how down and how fucked up his life is.

Ds feels sorry for him but says he feels he can't say no to him because it makes him feel like an arsehole. DS says the situation is making him depressed as he moved away to start a new life and is struggling himself to adapt to finding new friends, looking after himself etc. and doesn't want to be constantly confronted with this guy.

Ds wants to maybe move out but I have paid rent up until Christmas. He can get out of his contract mid january.. I also had a real trouble finding him a place because of his age. Should I get him out of there , or is this a chance for him, with our support, to learn how to be assertive and set limits ??? The other students are nice but keep to themsleves.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Tue 19-Nov-13 14:56:31

Personally, I'd get him out of there. ASAP.

TheSlug Tue 19-Nov-13 15:09:45

absolutely get him out of there! As soon as humanly possible!

thecatlikesmebest Tue 19-Nov-13 15:27:39

If he's only 17 I'm surprised he's not in halls? Wouldn't the university help him to find an alternative, there must be a duty of care to a minor?

Corygal Tue 19-Nov-13 15:33:58

Get him out quick. All the heroin friends will be round soon. 17 is too young to handle all that stuff if you ask me.

casualvacancy Tue 19-Nov-13 15:37:55

He's not at Uni , he's at college doing a vocational course which is only available away from home. there are no halls of residence.

He left school with no qualifications and has at last found something he really enjoys and is doing well at. It has been a real challenge finding somewhere for him to live. I have a new place lined up from January so normally he just has until the end of this term in this house. If i get him out I'm not sure where he will go and I will still have to pay his rent. sad

thecatlikesmebest Tue 19-Nov-13 15:54:14

How far away is he? Could he commute until January?
The college should still have responsibility to help. Many colleges round here take overseas students who live with host families, something like that perhaps?
He needs to get away from that place.

SashaOfSiberia Tue 19-Nov-13 16:12:40

Well he'll be coming home for christmas won't he? It can only be a month until he breaks up from college so I would advise that he just copes until then.

Its unfortunate and sounds a bit demoralising but he has a roof over his head.

Practical things to do would be:

-Arrange with landlord for a lock to be fitted/DS to fit a lock. Even if its just a bar bolt, should give him some more privacy.
-Ds must tell this guy he can't lend any money, he has to learn to be assertive. Just say that you've cut his money or something.
- Use different techniques to handle this guy- being really cheery, gently ignoring etc.

I think at 17, living away form home, it will be tough but he should be able to manage for a month.

UriGeller Tue 19-Nov-13 16:24:39

Get him a chain for his door and an extra lock. Nobody should be able to just walk into another persons room. If your son is going to stay there he needs to get mouthy with the opium smoking student. He not likely fight back in his perpetually mooning state.

I left home at 16, to a job at the other end of the country. I know how awful it can be but its also exciting and he'll learn some savvy if he deals with the situation.

casualvacancy Tue 19-Nov-13 18:30:18

Ds is quite savy and I fear that due to lack of options he's gonna have to face it out. I've ordered him a book on how to be assertive and not feel guilty and told him to put one of those hook and eye locks on the inside of his room so anyone wanting to enter has to knock.

I think ds has confused the situation by initially smoking a few joints with the guy before he realised quite how fucked up he was. confused

dexter73 Tue 19-Nov-13 21:56:52

Would your ds be able to come home at the weekends until Christmas just to get away for a bit, distance/money permitting?

BettyBotter Tue 19-Nov-13 22:09:10

Well done to your ds for recognising the problem and owning up to it to you. Recognising it means he will probably be able to sort it too. It sounds like he was over friendly with the druggy guy at the beginning so now has got himself a clinger. The other students are probably keeping themselves to themselves to avoid both druggy and your ds (who they probably assume is just the same).

I'd suggest ds puts up with it for a month, coming home at weekends and making excuses of lots of homework to avoid heavy night sessions. He should also fess up to the friendliest of the other students that he's struggling with druggy guy. They might be a lot more friendly to ds and be prepared to include him if they don't think he's druggy's mate.

DavidHarewoodsFloozy Tue 19-Nov-13 22:12:39

Get him away from there, it's a smack house. Good luck.

BettyBotter Tue 19-Nov-13 22:18:32

Meant to say as first preference I'd move him asap. My post was really responding to you saying you couldn't if he has to stick it for the month..

eatyourveg Wed 20-Nov-13 07:50:40

If its a student house I would contact the college accommodation office asap and tell them you want ds moved

specialsubject Wed 20-Nov-13 09:23:05

if it is a student house run by the uni, contact them. It is the junkie that should be removed.

whois Wed 20-Nov-13 21:49:59

Opium? Who the hell smokes opium???

Your DS needs to move out at the earliest opportunity, and before then get a chain & lock for his door to keep Locke while in and out and come home at weekends.

BeCool Wed 20-Nov-13 21:59:07

I can't imagine it's opium - I've never even heard of it being sold in UK. Not saying it's impossible but they are probably smoking heroin which is pretty cheap.

Look at the contract - see if you can break it early due to drug taking and other unsavoury behaviour. If you decide he's going to stick it out, give notice asap.

I'd get him out of there ASAP esp as it is starting to affect him and make him feel depressed. The addict will be on at him until he has someone else to exploit/leach off.

I don't want to freak you out but I know a couple of highly intelligent people who developed devastating long (15 year) addictions starting from smoking heroin.

Fuck what a horrible situation for your DS to be in.

wakemeupnow Thu 21-Nov-13 07:27:01

That's what i thought cool .. opium sounds so 19th century! Who the hell smokes opium.. It's probably just rebranded heroin sad...

gingergran Thu 21-Nov-13 08:22:20

Oh well if its heroin thats makes it a lot better!!!

He is living with an addict - get him out asap

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