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DS2 13 Smoking, what can i do?

(21 Posts)
dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 11:11:59

caught DS2 age 13 smoking this morning as i was driving to work.

He was with mates and attempted a runner when i drove past. caught him, he got in car and we talked.

he says occasional cig for about a month, however he lies alot so not sure i believe this.

So what as parents can we do ?

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 11:20:44

Oh diet you must be really disappointed. I have a 14 year old DS and I would be. sad

Where's he getting them from?

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 11:25:19

He was given it by his friend apparently. I have told him i will be taking him to school for a while.

I am very disappointed.

I was a smoker until 6 months ago and he was the one always begging me to give up and he has seen how hard i have found it. he actually had a go when he thought i was smoking in the garden last week, it was my mate.

I want to discourage him, i am really hoping its not a habit yet

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 11:31:09

had a go at me i meant, sounds like i gave him a fag!! i didn't

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Thu 14-Nov-13 11:32:51

Id cut pocket money, so he cant buy them (off friends) for six months.
Id do what you are doing - drop off/pick ups for a month.
Id ground him for three months.

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 11:38:44

thanks Mortified.

he earns from a paperound, but it goes into my bank so if he wants to but anything, i can buy it for him.

Grounded is a good idea.

Drop offs is fine, i can't pick him up due to work sadly.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Thu 14-Nov-13 11:55:36

Do they all attebd the same school and were they in uniform? If so, id let the school.know too.

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 12:01:49

Thinking about it I really don't know what you can do. How long to ground for?
DS1's punishment usually mean taking away the gadgets for a set period of time. No idea if that would be effective re smoking.

When I drop Ds2 off I often see High school children standing around in their uniform smoking. I remember these children from Reception. sad

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 12:01:50

yes i know them all well.

Would the school be interested?

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 12:02:54

Not sure about the school. I suppose if they are in uniform they are 'representing the school' as our old Head used to say.

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 12:04:12

Sparkling, he has already lost his xbox as he is just horrible when he is on it.
laptop will proabably be taken away for a bit, but i just don't think it will effective.

My dad is going to speak to him, and he has very bad lungs from smoking, so will hopefully scare him a bit.

I proabably can't stop him, just want to guide him away really

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 12:07:53

That's all you can do diet. DFIL died of lung cancer and DH has told DS1 that he will 'cut his hands off' if he sees him with a cigarette. sad

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 12:09:39

i had visions of making them smoke packs till they was sick if i caught them smoking but can't bring myself to do it. though it worked for my friend.

between him and DS1 i am having a trying week. DD's turn now i expect

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 12:13:03

We have had drama after drama with DS1 this week. Nothing major-just wearing and tiresome.

What's DS1 been up to diet?

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 12:17:43

DS1 15 has decided he is bi sexual.
Not a problem at all but was an almighty shock. He didn't tell me DS2 did, and DS1 was uncomfortable talking to me. I ahve just told him i love him whatever.

it may be a stage it may not, like i said its fine, was just a shock.

This parenting teens is very hard isn't it

Sparklingbrook Thu 14-Nov-13 12:23:29

Isn't it just diet. I just want DS1 to be happy and to be able to talk to me. Whatever it is.

You love them so much but you never know what's coming up next do you? Huge learning curve.


dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 12:27:51

exactly, i think i was disappointed DS1 hadn't felt he could speak to me himself.

Oh well, hopefully i have made it clear i love him whatever and i just want him to be happy.

MASSIVE learning curve, i thought it would be hard, but its harder.

((hugs for you too))

Blossomflowers Thu 14-Nov-13 13:35:58

Hi diet like you I have just found out that my DS 13 is smoking and like you I gave up smoking in Feb, he used nag me about it too. I am bloody furious with him but don't know how to stop it. He is going through a rough time atm so don't want to go over the top but I am so disappointed in him Very keen to hear any tips how I can get through to him

notagiraffe Thu 14-Nov-13 13:43:42

Good idea to take him to school and collect him for a while, if you can.

Also, instead of punishing him, maybe try being understanding. You know how hard it is to stop and how addictive it is, so a bit of sympathy would probably go down well.

Maybe get hold of Alan Carr's book on stopping smoking and insist he reads it with you every night until you've both read it right through.

Look together online at pics of tarred up lungs and youtube vids of people with lung cancer and discuss them. Discuss ways to say no. It's very hard when there's peer pressure to smoke.

Or get out a calculator and tot up how much money he'll have in 5 years, then 10 etc if he doesn't smoke. Maybe you could offer to save what you used to spend on fags and promise to take him abroad in two years if you're both still not smoking by then?

It should have been for health reasons, but I gave up for financial reasons and couldn't believe how much money I had in my purse each week. It was a real incentive.

Maryz Thu 14-Nov-13 15:16:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dietstartsmonday Thu 14-Nov-13 20:34:39

thank you all for messages.

we have had a long chat tonight and hopefully I have made a bit of progress.

I got my dad who has really bad lungs to come and talk to him too.

I did add up 10 years of fags, it was 18k shock shock

I have told him I can only guide him and I am hoping he will listen

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