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Teenage drinking..what should I do, HELP PLEASE!

(15 Posts)
febel Sat 09-Nov-13 12:23:35

My 16 yr old daughter, our youngest and last to be at home, is raiding our drink when we go out. She does this without asking and we have found out before, and charged her for it. We didn't to lock the cellar last night (we aren't super rich...just have an old house with a cellar which we keep alcohol in!) We fitted a lock last time we caught her out...for our peace of mind apart from anything else. Didn't lock it cos the cat was down there and also thought would trust her...MISTAKE! Husband put stuff in glass bin today and found bottle of Becks and bottle of Bulmer and broken glass. Wouldn't mind so much if she's ASKED, it is OUR drink, we have bought but she doesn't even ask.
Feel like crying, seems to be one thing after another with her...can anyone give me any pointers on how to deal with this? Didn't have this trouble with her sisters and really not sure what to do...even when we confront her and charge her for drink it doesn't seem to have put her off. We don't trust her at all..again...she has a long history of taking things in our house which don't belong to her...

febel Sat 09-Nov-13 12:35:42

By the way...she is only just 16, not 16 nearly 17! Am uncomfortable with the fact she takes and thinks it's ok to drink alcohol on her own...tho do think it's prob peer pressure and looking big, and possibley boredom?

Cohenite Sat 09-Nov-13 12:44:51

I find it odd that you charged her for the alcohol she drank.

Isn't the problem that she is drinking alone whenever she can? I would be more concerned about her state of mind, how is she at school?

secretscwirrels Sat 09-Nov-13 14:18:59

Locking the alcohol in the cellar seems to send out a very odd message.

Would it be possible to agree that she may have a small beer or something every weekend? Make it part of family time so she doesn't think it's so exciting?

Ruralninja Sat 09-Nov-13 14:32:14

so you found 2 empty beer/cider bottles - I imagine she doesn't see the problem and thinks you're being unreasonable. Is it 'your' bread, 'your sausages' and 'your biscuits' too? I think you're sending out a mixed message. Either she lives with you and shares all of your food & drink, or she makes a general contribution, or whatever the arrangement is. 16 is on the young side but if you make it a huge deal, you'll only increase the appeal and she'll be pissed off with you being so uptight and probably do it even more.
Can you have general chat about shared household resources and how they are managed?

bigbluebus Sat 09-Nov-13 15:48:57

I agree with other posters. If she is generally allowed free access to food and non-alcoholic drinks, then she probably doesn't see the problem with taking the alcohol. I would be more concerned about the fact that she is helping herself to alcohol when she is in the house on her own.

I think the issue you need to deal with here is, do you want her drinking alcohol when she is on her own, and why does she feel the need to drink alcohol.

We allow DS (16 - nearly 17) a beer/cider/glass of wine if we are having one at the weekend, however, he drinks it with us. He has never so far helped himself to any alcohol from our supplies whilst he has been in the house alone - even if he knows we have gone out drinking. I will add that he readily helps himself to all sorts of food goodies in the cupboard/fridge - just never the alcohol.

There needs to be trust in the house, so locking things up should be a last resort. Discuss the issues around the alcohol consumption 1st.

Nataleejah Sat 09-Nov-13 15:56:04

As i said in the other thread, just stop warehousing booze at home when you have a teenager. It is like waving a slice of ham in front of cat.

secretscwirrels Sat 09-Nov-13 16:01:49

Other thread?
Having alcohol in the house is normal. Having teenagers who "steal" it is not. Teenagers are not all hell bent on drinking.
My 17 year old is allowed a drink at a weekend, he gets what he wants from the fridge, usually one beer or cider. DS2 is 15 and I have offered him a drink occasionally (on holiday for example) but he's not interested.

custardo Sat 09-Nov-13 16:05:55

different kids do different things - so i wouldn't take heed from posters who say 'my kid doesn't so it's not normal' tbh

2/3 of my grown up kids not interested in alcohol to my utter shame, i have set them a good drinking example too smile

the only advice is to lock the door. likethe idea of giving her a drink at weekend.

I think its perfectly normal for teenagers to experiment with alcohol btw

Nataleejah Sat 09-Nov-13 16:25:32

Myself i used to raid my parents' drink cabinet, just crafty enough not to get caught.
I also was allowed to drink occasionally under supervision, but its not like having a whole bottle of vodka for yourself and friends. And my parents had dozens of bottles simply forgotten.

But if you put this risk/temptation out there, oh well...

Ragwort Sat 09-Nov-13 16:31:51

Do you have a drink with her during weekend meals, I grew up always having a glass of wine or cider with meals at weekends with my parents, and a sherry before lunch with my grandparents if I was staying with them (from age 10 blush - a bit too young grin).

But alcohol was then never a 'forbidden treat'.

Although I did used to have a few swigs from the decanter when they were out ............ part of being a teenager isn't it? Hides bottles from 12 year old son.

Nataleejah Sat 09-Nov-13 16:40:40

Sure i have a drink at dinners or social occasions, but i only buy as much as i am willing to consume at certain time, like milk or eggs -- not to store for weeks or months.
Well, sometimes gifted bottles/festive wine are not consumed immediately.

flow4 Sat 09-Nov-13 23:24:47

These are (two of?) the other threads, scwirrels. I think I remember another, but I can't find it...

febel, locking up the alcohol, charging her for drinking it and not allowing her any are giving your DD a clear message that alcohol is desirable and 'special'. In your position, and given her age, I think I would be offering her alcohol with meals at weekends, to take away some of its attraction.

You say it wouldn't bother you so much if she asked. Has she ever asked? Does she know you'd say yes (at least sometimes) if she did?

secretscwirrels Sun 10-Nov-13 09:46:25

flow yes sorry didn't spot other threads. Not your average teenage behaviour then, but still I think your comments are similar to my first post though?

flow4 Sun 10-Nov-13 10:23:14

Yup! smile

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