My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

17 year old and work!

4 replies

smileyforest · 09/11/2013 09:32

Hello...my son is at college after quitting Alevels...he appears happy with the course thank goodness.
Also found a little job locally in an Indian restaurant ...all was good...did three shifts..then out the blue whilst I was at work yesterday I get a text to say working at the restaurant is S@@@....not going....in!! He said friends told him not a nice place to work....one lad left after a week! Ok I'm a single parent so obviously finances are tight as I've never had any support from his Dad...so this little job was a big bonus and helpful...3 hours ...four eves....£6ph.
There is a gf...who is very controlling and has just started on his college course as well ...he can.t be out her sight!...she is down at the house a lot...I feel she had something to do with my son not going into work, He said he phoned to say he wasn't going in and will go in tonight..I have my doubts..and anyway...I'm sure they will show him the door...I'm just disappointed...feels like my son will end up a drop out...
am I being too harsh? Have older 2 children in late 20's...they were never afraid of work in their teens.....also a 15y old who would love a job!
Been awake all night worrying about my son...went out with gf....said he wants to live at his Dads..but there is no room!

Sorry its an essay....need some wise words!

OP posts:
Report
smileyforest · 09/11/2013 16:47

anyone??

OP posts:
Report
flow4 · 10/11/2013 10:15

Hi smiley, I could have written your post a year or two ago - except all my DS1 was ever offered was a bit of cash-in-hand gardening or odd job work, never a 'job'. :(
Ime, there's a big change when they hit 18. At 17, many of them are short if money, and they can't go to pubs and clubs anyway, so there are always a few mates to hang around with on a Friday night, who are equally broke and happy to club together for a few beers or a bit of weed to share. At 18, suddenly there is much more they can do socially, and many more if them get p/t jobs, and the ones that don't are left out socially, and start to feel the strain. For my DS, his 'wake-up call' was Leeds Fest: almost everyone he knew went, and he couldn't, because he had no money. He had a miserable lonely weekend, and vowed then to get a job so he'd be able to go next year!

The other thing to consider is whether you give him money, and how much. Over the past couple of years, because my son was at risk of dropping out of college, I gave him £20/week if he attended and did other jobs around the house. It worked to keep him in college and occupied, and I don't regret doing it, but it meant he had cash each week. After a couple of years doing this, I told him when term ended last year that I would no longer be giving him money in September, and I stuck to that, which certainly helped motivate him to finally get a job.

When he started a job recently, and announced he liked earning so much he didn't know why he hadn't done it before Hmm I couldn't resist pointing out that is been pushing him to get one for over a year. I was a bit shocked by his response, which was that I'd been telling him to get a job, but I'd kept on giving him money, so he hadn't actually needed to do it! Blush

One last word of warning: don't blame the girlfriend, or make any other excuses for him. At 17, he has to be responsible for his own actions and mistakes: if she distracts him, that's because he lets her! Life will always be full of distractions from work; we all have to learn to ignore them, or manage them, and go to work anyway! Your DS will always have girlfriends, or friends to hang out with, or other distractions and things he'd like to do... He needs to learn that he must still go to work!

Report
ssd · 10/11/2013 10:18

to be fair, maybe the job is bloody awful and he'd be better out of it?

Report
smileyforest · 12/11/2013 22:36

No the job can't be bloody awful...he went on the Sat night and actually said he enjoyed it!
Not enjoying my 17yr son right now...rude/disrespectful/lazy.....yet he was the sweetest of little boys! .....really miss that....

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.