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studious clever teen using drugs

(66 Posts)
Claybury Sun 27-Oct-13 18:57:32

Anyone have experience of a teen using drugs and working really hard for GCSE almost as if to prove drugs aren't harmful ? Maybe among his druggie friends he IS the smart one ? ( he has told me he is the least likely to develop a drug problem because he's the clever one...- to which I replied perhaps that means he has the lost to lose?)
Btw he's not exceptionally clever, he thinks he'll get A's in most subjects, he has no other hobbies or interest/ no sports. Does his homework then goes out on a weekend. Says things like ' I got an A in my French mock, can I go out later?

By drugs I mean regular weed, plus mdma / ketamine / speed / 2cb during summer holidays. He thinks it's all fine, he's in control, doesn't smoke on a school night.

flow4 Mon 28-Oct-13 10:49:26

(Oops, sorry)
... Keep themselves safe and are fine. Kids in the second group are a real worry.

Skunk is different from other forms of cannabis, and much more dangerous. I have posted elsewhere about this. If young people are going to smoke weed, they need to understand that skunk is different, potentially dangerous and often nasty. There is a YouTube video worth watching, which I'll link to later.

It is not possible to smoke skunk every day and still pass exams. It was possible when we were young, because the sort of weed we were smoking was less psycho-active and weaker.

M-cat is awful, awful stuff. If your child gets into this, it's worth doing just about anything to get them away from it and friends who take it.

You can't stop them from taking drugs. Your best bet is to make sure their lives have things in them they want to do, so they stop themselves.

MilllyMollyMully Mon 28-Oct-13 13:12:54

In London you're laughing. Get him into the Priory - under-16s are on the NHS and they are reputedly first class. Hence sleb use. Seriously.

Claybury Mon 28-Oct-13 13:28:59

Milly are you saying this from experience ? Have you known kids go there ? He's not necessarily addicted - (yet).

headoverheels Mon 28-Oct-13 13:37:32

Totally agree that boarding school won't keep him away from drugs. I used to know a couple of boys at Eton who took heroin.

OP it's good that he's able to talk to you about it. I think you're right about him wanting to distance himself from his current group of friends and make a fresh start.

MilllyMollyMully Mon 28-Oct-13 13:43:44

The Priory is undoubtedly world class, and a GP friend of mine was telling an NHS friend that they now take under-16s on the NHS. This was in the context of a discussion of self-harm and how to tackle it as teaching staff. I'm sure your ds would be deemed to have a significant problem.

Sorry - re boarding schools - I didn't at all mean ordinary boarding schools, but the state ones set up to help kids with pastoral problems. There are tons of them round London, and the current govt is really getting into starting more up, in recognition of the no. of struggling teens. Obv they have specialist staff to deal with issues like addiction, self-harm etc.

MilllyMollyMully Mon 28-Oct-13 13:45:28

It's the effect of the drugs on the growing teen brain which is so serious, esp one so young as 15.

MilllyMollyMully Mon 28-Oct-13 13:48:04

See LadyCurd's post above for what I mean.

blueemerald Mon 28-Oct-13 14:55:16

My friends at (a London private) school took a lot of drugs when we were teenagers. Most of them still do now. The "least qualified" member of the group has a first degree and a PGCE. Most have MAs and a few have/are doing PhDs. So all is not lost on the academic front.

blueemerald Mon 28-Oct-13 14:58:01

Whoops. Hit post by mistake.

What would concern me OP is that, as you're beginning to realise, he has no interests outside school. My friends had things like music, volunteering, DoE etc etc to stop them going OTT in the holidays. I would put some real effort into getting your son some interests or hobbies to distract him.

Branleuse Mon 28-Oct-13 15:05:08

sounds a bit like my stepbrother. Got most of it out of his system in uni. Now just occasionally smokes a bit of dope, but got excellent grades in everything and now doing brilliantly in a graduate scheme for a top london bank.

He always did know to not get carried away and always studied hard. A good skill that a lot of people dont have. Work hard, play hard.

Claybury Mon 28-Oct-13 15:09:34

It's not about academics though is it. I just want my kids to be healthy ( especially good mental health) , happy, law abiding citizens not people who lie to their parents and potentially thieves/ dealers.

I don't think drugs bring happiness in the end, and use carries so much risk.
. Blueemerald - what is your point ? are you saying you'd be fine with your kids doing class A drugs age 15 !!! Bombing mdma for a laugh because they are bored of cannabis ?

Claybury Mon 28-Oct-13 15:12:21

Blue emerald - to your second post. Good advice but he has pretty much bullied us into letting him give up everything extra curricular . Now we know why.
There are 2 aspects to his life. School work and hanging with mates. Period.

flow4 Mon 28-Oct-13 15:14:54

The Priory don't offer drug treatment for children/young people. Here are details of their services .

From what you describe, your DS will not meet the threshold for any CAMHS in-patient treatment. In fact, it doesn't sound like he'd meet thresholds for any NHS CAHMS support at all, other than perhaps counseling.

Claybury Mon 28-Oct-13 15:29:34

He's been having counselling for a year. He says that's why he won't touch cocaine. ...
The frustration for me is apart from day to day monitoring by me, keeping tans on money /curfews/ behaviour is there is nothing I can positively do. Until things get a lot worse. Which I fear they might.

Strumpetron Mon 28-Oct-13 15:34:26

He won't touch cocaine but will touch horrifically scatty drugs like the ones you've listed?! Possibly also money is an issue as it's 5 x more expensive than those and you can't just get a fiver bag of it.

I think you're doing everything you can at this stage, I know you must feel so helpless but know this, you're doing your best and you're a good mum.

MilllyMollyMully Mon 28-Oct-13 15:39:47

Masses on offer there for teens.

MilllyMollyMully Mon 28-Oct-13 15:43:38

Also, OP, the state boarding schools I mention specialise in engaging dc in extra curriculars. Obv they've got them as a captive audience.

I wouldn't stand by and let things get worse if it were me. It's true you often need to make a fuss as a parent to get state provision to move, but move they do, if you persist.

flow4 Mon 28-Oct-13 15:47:49

Yes. The powerlessness is frustrating and frightening, isn't it?
Although there is probably nothing you can do, you can continue to have influence. You can keep giving him 'moral messages', keep telling him what you don't like, and gather information to make yourself as knowledgable as possible, and make sure he's well informed too.

It's frightening (and stupid) because it's a gamble, but it isn't by any means hopeless: the chances are your DS will be fine...

My DS is now 18, doing well at college, applying to uni, volunteering and working part-time. He's learned.

Branleuse Mon 28-Oct-13 15:48:02

he is way too young for all that. I missed his age.

Claybury Mon 28-Oct-13 15:53:44

Thanks flow4.

magnumicelolly Mon 28-Oct-13 15:58:05

Yes. Ended up with straight As through GCSE, A level and a first degree followed by postgrad. Surprisingly doesn't appear to have caused a problem!

MilllyMollyMully Mon 28-Oct-13 17:05:48

More info, if interested:

FiftyShadesofGreyMatter Mon 28-Oct-13 20:58:47

It seems that some people are pre-disposed to mental illness and taking drugs can bring this on/exacerbate it.

I have seen this in the dd of a friend, high achieving at school until the drugs wrecked her life, now has a mental illness which means she is unlikely to live a full life.

EllaJameson Tue 08-Apr-14 17:28:31

Often teens are just too young to be able to do anything in moderation. Some adults can use drugs only recreationally and leave them at home most of the time, but for teens it's harder - it really is a slippery slope.

If anyone is concerned that their child or someone they know may be taking drugs, check out this quiz which highlights the first warning signs

IHeartKingThistle Tue 08-Apr-14 17:46:43

This is tricky. I do think he's too young, but I also think it's possible to use drugs (not the hard stuff) and be successful. Flow4 your long post is brilliant. Skunk is much stronger than the stuff we were smoking 20 years ago.

I don't want to be seen as pro-drugs, and I will be very careful what I tell my children, but DH and I smoked cannabis daily (evenings, mostly) for about 7 years. During this time we both got 2:1s at university, started professional careers, got promoted, bought our first flat followed by our first house, got a cat and managed to keep it alive, and got married. We were normal successful people living in the suburbs. We stopped smoking altogether when TTC DC1, and have not started again.

It's so hard looking at it with the eyes of a parent, though.

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