Son in controlling relationship

[ironingmountainmum]

Being new to Mumsnet, really could do with some advice/reassurance....my 17 year old son is in a 2 year relationship with a slightly older girl who is highly controlling. He wants out as he's been pulled in and blinded by first love but no longer sees his friends etc. Every time he tries to finish the relationship, she says something that means he runs back to her. That's where he has rushed off to tonight to 'sort things out'. I'm very anxious, want to get involved and really worried for him (and feel for her as she says she has no-one; her parents are against her, has no friends, and my son is all she's got). How involved do I get?? I have has some rational discussions with him but am getting more and more anxious about the whole situation. Thanks.

[quoteunquote]

Well if you tell him to dump her, you will be a grandma before you can say cheesecake,

so be enthusiastic, suggest getting extra night time jobs for saving for a deposit, give leaflets on starter homes in suburbia,

Get a VW camper van, and book yourself and (partner/friend) tickets for a couple of really good festivals.

[jellybeans]

Through bitter experience do not try to split them up/prevent it, it won't work. Be the good guys and hope he sees sense asap. I know it's hard.

[wakemeupnow]

Well if you tell him to dump her, you will be a grandma before you can say cheesecake

[quoteunquote]

Try to be really friendly to girlfriend, be extra interested in every word.

I'm starting to plot this about DS1's girlfriends, we loved the last one she was perfect, I should of told him I disapproved, but I blew it by saying how lovely she was, he does seem to find very nice girlfriends, but they are all too sensible.

[Rosencrantz]

There's nothing you can do with regard to the girlfriend. Parents that don't approve of teenage love, force their kids tighter together to prove the adults wrong... its Romeo and Juliet 'innit?

What you can and should be doing as a parent, is to equip your son with enough social skills to not let her 'talk him round' when he tries to leave her. But fuck knows how you do that?!

[quoteunquote]

Try to get him to find his inner selfish gene, if he wants things for himself, career, uni, travel, adventure, he will start to prioritise his needs,

remind him it is doing each little step towards his goals, that will get him there, he has to start enabling himself, so he can live the life he envisages for himself,

so subtly be interested in his plans, and encourage.

[JustBecauseICan]

You don't get involved. At that age he has to be allowed to make his own mistakes.

The surest way for them to be shacked up, and yes, pregnant, is for an interfering mother to step in.

Support him for sure, and as others have said, subtly encourage him in his life aspirations away from the girl as much as possible....but never ever make the crucial mistake of telling him he'd be better off without her.

[chocoluvva]

I agree with all the above in principle, but you say he wants to break up with her. Does he feel responsible for her?