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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

1 2

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Why is everything "gay"

34 replies

Orchidlady · 08/10/2013 14:14

This is a bit light hearted. But why is DS response to most things these day, "oh that is gay", "don't be so gay" even told yesterday I was gay. He does not say it in a nasty just seem teen speak

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sonlypuppyfat · 08/10/2013 14:16

If I kiss my DH who is also my DCs dad then that is also gay!? who knew that.

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EdithWeston · 08/10/2013 14:22

Objectionable as it may be, in teenspeak it is used to mean lame (in the metaphorical, not literal, sense).

For the over 70s, and in older literature, it means 'happy, bright'

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Aroundtheworldandback · 08/10/2013 14:38

My dd had her 16th party last week which was apparently so good it was "sick". At. My ds's primary in History, out of the quietness comes a loud, firm voice of one poor boy saying "I am SO not gay". Even the teacher apparently struggled to keep a straight face..

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YoniTime · 08/10/2013 14:55

Start calling everything positive "so lesbian" and see if he reacts. Like wow you did a good job today my son you're so lesbian.

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Orchidlady · 08/10/2013 15:07

love in yoni I think he would laugh at that. Don't you just love teen speak

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specialsubject · 09/10/2013 14:56

is this still going? Thought it went out a couple of years ago.

it is teenspeak, as is using 'like' as a preposition. Boring, but not ill-intentioned. Might be worth telling him it does make him sound stupid.

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OwooenBled · 09/10/2013 17:05

This has gone in our school. However everything is 'crusty'.....

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flow4 · 12/10/2013 23:29

Because homophobia is still rife in the UK. :(
I really hate this one. I have an adult friend who didn't come out as gay until he was in his 30s, because it was so taboo. Every time I hear a teen casually using 'gay' to mean 'totally rubbish' I wonder how many of their peers are secretly gay and afraid to come out, because they're getting the very clear message that it is a bad thing. :(

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MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 13/10/2013 00:51

Flow.. my DD1 IS gay and tbh it doesn't bother her when people say that.
She always replies 'try coming to Brighton ' coz once you have been to gay pride you'll wish you were gay !! It really is just an 'in ' word. like 'lush' wasa few years ago.

DS1 says everything is 'sick' . Answers his phone with 'safe man!' I am assuming he will have outgrown it before he is 30...:)

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cooeeyonlyme · 13/10/2013 00:54

My nan says gay all the time but she uses it as happy. So do all her friends.

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timidviper · 13/10/2013 00:58

My DCs are now in their 20s but still laugh about the talk at school that said "If your computer does not work, it is broken, IT IS NOT GAY",

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flow4 · 13/10/2013 06:28

Medusa, I'm glad your daughter is ok with it, but I can tell you that young men in this part of Yorkshire are not. At my sons' school, which has 1500 kids, 'gay' is the second most commonly used mild term of abuse (after 'deng') and there is not one single openly gay young man in the whole school. :(

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englishteacher78 · 13/10/2013 07:46

It is one of my pet hates at school. I was once told that it was 'gay' that I was setting homework.
I replied with, 'how strange, I was unaware of any studies proving homosexual teachers set more homework!'

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chocoluvva · 14/10/2013 16:06

"not one single openly gay young man in the whole school" - .

If it's any consolation my 17YO DD (in scotland) has two close teenage friends who are openly gay. She's friendly with a couple of other lads who are openly gay. However I very rarely hear about young girls who are lesbians.

Some of DD's friends describe themselves as being gay when they mean that they have cheesy tastes in films, music etc and are overly demonstrative with each other.

I still don't like it either though. Imagine if they used 'left-handed,' or 'oriental' as a term of disapproval!

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QueenoftheSarf · 14/10/2013 20:16

So what about when the word "gay" was assigned a different meaning and went from not only meaning happy and carefree but meaning homosexual too?

Language is constantly changing and evolving. It happens all the time.

Actually, I think that most kids don't see the word "gay", as they liberally use it to mean "lame", as a term of homophobic abuse. In my experience with the teenagers in my own family and the many I come into contact with as a result of knowing their friends etc, they are all extremely unconcerned about the fact that people around them may be openly gay, bisexual or whatever. They all say they know openly gay people at school and it seems to be no issue at all. They learn about it in PSHE and there are posters all over their school saying "Some People are Gay, Get over it", there are also loads of people in the media, on TV and on the music scene who are openly gay and have very positive images and are very positively received.

I think that most teenagers these days have been born into and grown up in an age where it's no big deal whatsoever to be gay and whilst those who have to come to terms with "coming out" as gay to their families etc will no doubt go through their own personal struggles, I certainly don't think that your average teenager these days would turn a hair at someone being openly gay.

Of course there will always be examples of homophobic bullying that buck this trend but on the whole I refuse to believe that if you did a straw poll at an average secondary school many teenagers would turn a hair. In fact, in my experience many kids I know think it's quite cool to be gay and to have gay friends - particularly teenage girls.

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flow4 · 15/10/2013 08:56

"On the whole I refuse to believe that if you did a straw poll at an average secondary school many teenagers would turn a hair"... You're obviously not in Yorkshire then Queen. Homophobia is rife here. It's not usually the old-fashioned aggressive gay-bashing homophobia; it's a more insidious form that tells boys it's pathetic and 'lame' to be gay. Presumably it doesn't stop them from being gay, but it certainly stops them from telling people they are. :(

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ShatnersBassoon · 15/10/2013 09:03

My son's 9 yr old friend says everything is 'ugh, so gay' when it's something he thinks is a bit lame, then runs around the garden begging DS to smack his bum for laughs . I'd rather they said crap tbh.

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curlew · 15/10/2013 09:03

"This is a bit light hearted. But why is DS response to most things these day, "oh that is gay", "don't be so gay" even told yesterday I was gay. He does not say it in a nasty just seem teen speak"

Not in my house or car it isn't. It's up to you to explain why this is wrong and stop it when you hear it.

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curlew · 15/10/2013 09:04

"My son's 9 yr old friend says everything is 'ugh, so gay' when it's something he thinks is a bit lame, then runs around the garden begging DS to smack his bum for laughs "

And these two facts are connected exactly how?

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NotCitrus · 15/10/2013 09:22

Will Young wrote a very good piece in the Indy on Sunday this week on why calling crap things 'gay' really does matter.

It's not OK.

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chocoluvva · 15/10/2013 09:35

How depressing that Flow's boys' peers are so old fashioned. I'm surprised by that.

A class element to homophobia??

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curlew · 15/10/2013 09:35

All you had to do is imagine what it would be like if teenagers started to use "black" to mean lame, useless, pathetic........

Then you will, I hope, start talking to your kids about how unacceptable using "gay" is.

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DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2013 09:39

It used to be retarded, now it's gay

I hate it, it is homophobic and the sooner it is seen for what it is and stops being used, the better.

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ashleysilver · 15/10/2013 11:35

Here is the link to the article by Will Young, for those who are interested Note to society: We're not G*Y – we're GAY!.

I am gay myself. My dd has a stock response for school homophobes: she goes all deadpan, says "My parents are lesbians," and then stares at the person until they either apologise or go away. It doesn't happen to her often, but she has experienced it enough to want to develop a strategy against it.

The use of this type of language in schools is not just bad for gay teens.

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fieldfare · 15/10/2013 11:41

It's horrible and not really light hearted at all.
My dd returned from her Father's house copying this from the older children there. She's 10 and I have clearly explained why I find it unacceptable. Our next door neighbours are gay, my cousin is gay, I asked her to imagine how they would feel if they heard her describing things negatively in that way. They would assume that she also felt negatively about gay people too.