Coping strategies for teenage tantrums?

[chickensaresafehere]

Have posted previously about dd(13.5)& her massive tantrums,outbursts & general attitude.I am trying not to 'sweat the small stuff' and she has appropriate punishments (phone/laptop banned,not allowed out to see friends etc)
But the stress level at home is massive,we already have a major amount of pressure at the moment with dd2(SN) & trying to find a suitable special school for her,its a nightmare
So things are fraught as it is.
How do you deal with the stress yourselves,would really value some coping strategies from those of you who have been through it,or who are dealing with it better than we are.
Dd seems to get over it in an hour or so and acts like nothing has happened,but we seem to struggle to diffuse & carry it around with us!!

[chickensaresafehere]

Anyone ????

[MadeOfStarDust]

- lots of ....lol

You have to detach a bit from the behaviour -

You KNOW it is hormonal and age related.... that helps in a way, because you know it is not just a case of "behave yourself"... they are going through such a rough time of life... hard to explain to others what it is that is "hurting" them and making them cross and grumpy...

We have time out... she storms off , I stay away for 10 min, then go let her know she is deeply loved, but her behaviour and attitude stinks (take my advice - do NOT say that bit out loud!!) ... then back off and leave her to it if I can... like yours, after an hour or so everything seems sweet....

I have stopped shouting back and that helps me at least ...

[chickensaresafehere]

Thanks Madeof,I KNOW I need to detach but find it hard with the other stresses.
Like the lots of advice though

[specialsubject]

others have given the concept of the 'threenager', and what you have is the opposite. A teenager that has toddler tantrums, as they do.

suggestion is to treat as toddler tantrums. Be calm, reasonable and walk out. When the noise has stopped, go back and get an apology and a discussion.

[Palika]

1. Lot's of talking about how destructive this is and make him understand that
2. A written contract about the consequences (which happen like clockwork)
3. When it happens immediately leave room - either him or us - so it does not escalate.
4. And the best - we started to meditate together every evening for 15 min. This meditation has made a HUGE difference. It brought the number of incidences right down and when they happen they are not half as bad and the apology is much faster than before.

Hope that helps!

[bigTillyMint]

I agree with specialsubject and stardust - things are much better if you can stay calm, not rise to the bait and then talk when they have calmed down. Not easy though

[Cohomological]

Just remember that you getting angry at them is much, much worse than them getting angry at you.
You are, after all, supposed to be the adult!

[MadeOfStarDust]

I have 2 girls - one 11 and one 12 - both have started to have melt downs.... I am starting to go through the menopause..... it is hubby I feel sorry for

• he is building a shed!

[MaryRose]

Op I feel for you. Dd13 can be like this but I an gradually dealing with it by giving her more responsibility, trusting her, treating her more as a grown up. Sounds bizarre as they are not acting lime grown ups but it is WORKING!I can also recommend a brilliant book I am reading by Adele Faber 'how to talk so teens will listen' can't recommend it highly enough. Good luck x