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Feel like I want to walk away DD1 has brought me to my knees :(

(14 Posts)
Mumtomygirls Mon 07-Oct-13 05:59:41

After my first ever post on this forum I thought things were getting better, how stupid was I?
Attitude hasn't changed but I'm "picking my battles" like advised and that was working a little but it's the lies that I can't understand sad 16yr old DD1 has been violently vomiting in the mornings the last two days and when I went to help she was snapping at me like it was my fault. After she got the pill & morning after pill from GP we thought maybe these are symptoms? Asked around and lots of people were saying it sounds like morning sickness -.- tried speaking to her about it and she was just interested in asking if she can go out tonight (of course we said no cause she wasn't well) anyway throughout the night I have done the normal mum things like make sure she's hydrated, run her a bath when she wanted one, held her hair back when she was being sick, finally managed to get her to eat some toast and keep it down, gave her my iPad to watch a film on cause she said she was bored but didn't want to watch what everyone else was watching on the Main TV, then set up a bed downstairs for her to sleep the night so that I can keep an eye on her and be there if she needs me throughout the night. Anyway she fell asleep mid texting her boyfriend (see my other thread for anything to do with that) I went to move her phone and put it on charge and the screen lit up showing a txt saying "they probably don't want to take me to hospital" and I was shocked because hospital hadn't been mentioned at all, anyway I thought before I jump to conclusions I would scroll up and see what the hospital business was all about and I found txts saying "mum and dad told me to stay in bed and that I'm not allowed to get out of bed" and "mum and dad keep bringing up ice packs and I have four blankets on me" "mum and dad are threatening to take me to hospital and I don't want to go" and "mums creeping me out, she just said her and daddy will look after me and make sure I'm ok, what's that mean?" Then there were txts about some party where they're planning on going to on the evening of my birthday meal and then hotel and staying the night but will need to bring between £30 & £50 each for drinks! -.-

Why is she telling her boyfriend such silly lies?

We said she wasn't going out tonight and isn't going in to school tomorrow because of being sick, no one told her she wasn't allowed out of bed, if anything we were encouraging her to come downstairs, no one took ice packs up at all & she was only using a duvet not four blankets and hospital wasn't mentioned at all and neither was the GP until much later on tonight. Then what's the nastiness about me creeping her out sad that was hurtful I can't deny and then the birthday plans of mine being shoved aside for a party/hotel/drinks with her boyfriend. I'm just feeling like utter shit and now that iv seen proof that she's lying about so many silly things it's hurtful cause I don't understand why she would do this sad sorry if this is all mumble jumble but it's 6am here and haven't slept as was sitting up with DD1 while she was being sick.

mummytime Mon 07-Oct-13 06:07:36

I would suggest by starting to insist she sees a doctor. You need to find out why she is being sick, if it is not just a d&v bug. Hospital might be a good place.

KepekCrumbs Mon 07-Oct-13 06:14:28

She may be exaggerating for attention or to convince her bf that she really is ill. I think drama queen perhaps. It is silly behaviour but generally she has complied with your instructions to stay in and I would be inclined to ignore it. You're on thin ice reading her texts morally after all.

Do you think she may be pregnant?

Mumtomygirls Mon 07-Oct-13 06:15:58

I have already said to her about seeing the GP
But for some reason she doesn't want to go to the doctors however we (myself and other half) have already discussed together that if she is still being sick by time the surgery opens we will make her an appointment. That isn't what's in question here

Mumtomygirls Mon 07-Oct-13 06:19:48

Kepekcrumbs I don't think being worried about what I saw on txts and then reading a few is immoral as I was worried about the Hospital comment that I saw when going to plug her phone in. We have asked her if she thinks she may be pregnant and she just snaps at us and doesn't actually answer the question

Roshbegosh Mon 07-Oct-13 06:32:35

I would forget party plans, it will be work and expense for you and she will not want to even be there. Call the surgery, I don't think they will want her there if she is vomiting, they will advise you. Maybe she is pregnant and I think if she won't talk about it then just tell her straight what her options are. Would you raise the GC if this happens to be the case and she says she wants it? Toughen up with this girl. She is dishonest and manipulative.

Mumtomygirls Mon 07-Oct-13 06:43:18

I just don't understand
Why she's lying sad and every time
I try to toughen up she makes life unbearable for us all. All I ask is that my daughters are honest and respect each other. I'm just feeling sorry for myself I know because it hurts seeing proof that she's lying sad

yegodsandlittlefishes Mon 07-Oct-13 07:05:07

Does she have a high temperature?

Could she have taken something to make herself sick? Any symptoms of an eating disorder?

adeucalione Mon 07-Oct-13 10:52:26

Given the history I don't blame you at all for reading her texts - to keep her safe you need to know what's going on in her life, and she won't tell you the truth it seems.

However, I wouldn't be too concerned about the content of those texts as it just sounds like she is attention seeking to me.

Similarly I don't think you should be too surprised that she'd rather spend an evening with her boyfriend rather than going for a birthday meal with her mum.

But I do think that it sounds like your relationship is on rocky ground, given that she is happy to tell lies that will make other people think less of you.

pictish Mon 07-Oct-13 10:56:38

Is it your daughter that has the intense relationship with the boyf? The one that disappeared off to his family house and refused to come home?

AbiRoad Mon 07-Oct-13 10:59:01

Can you buy her a pregnancy test? How would she react if you gave it to her?

jellybeans Mon 07-Oct-13 11:03:14

I have read my 16 YOs texts many times as have been concerned about her relationship. My DD does exactly the same thing with the weird exaggerating texts and it is hurtful and attention seeking. It seems very very common in that age group.

Don't feel bad at all about reading texts. I never forget a case where a mother said if only she had read her daughter's texts/emails she could have saved her daughters life (she got killed by a paedophile posing as a young lad) and from then on if worried I will damn well check!! If I have no reason then I don't.

I sympathise, it is a very hard age.

chocoluvva Mon 07-Oct-13 11:21:28

Oh poor you Mumtomygirls - you're having a really hard time of it.

My DD turned 17 recently, my advice comes from my experiences with her - the year she was 15-16 sounds very similar to your DD - and from the things parents of older teens have told me. My DD told her BF last year that she wasn't allowed to have a party even though I'd offered. She said this on FB too! They really are drama queens at this age IME. They exaggerate, don't see the big picture, and actually
enjoy feeling hard done by.

Also, they do sometimes get the wrong end of the stick and they don't seem to listen, frequently jumping to conclusions which are wrong. I assume this is because of the re-organisation their brains are going through at this time. Their ability to think of the consequences and empathise actually regress. She won't really think you're being 'creepy'. )She is maybe having to work hard to get the level of sympathy from her BF that she's hoping for or just enjoying making the most out of being sick IYSWIM).

I think I'd buy her a pregnancy test and try to ignore her immature behaviour. I wouldn't make a big thing of your birthday plans either. Next year she'll hopefully be past this extremely wearing and stressful.

specialsubject Mon 07-Oct-13 17:57:59

read her texts. When she is an independent and coping adult she gets privacy with this kind of thing. At the moment privacy comes a long way behind protection.

currently she is a drama queen and lies. That equals teenager in quite a few cases, but if she wants to be treated like an adult she needs to behave like one.

hope the pregnancy is simply part of the drama.

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