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I have disowned my 18 year old son

(43 Posts)
Shreksfiona Fri 04-Oct-13 11:01:08

Hi, I have disowned my 18 year old transexual son and asked him to leave, after months and months of drink, drugs,attention seeking and sexual acts beyond belief and down right taking the piss out of my home, I think I may be headed for a breakdown, someone pls help, I cant take anymore

Whitershadeofpale Fri 04-Oct-13 11:11:47

I didn't want to read and run. I think disowning is a very big step and based on his age and behaviour you've discribed in the OP seems extreme.

I think you need some space from each other and I think some councelling. Your son sounds very troubled. If he is transgendered then identity issues may be leading to his destructive behaviour. I am not familiar with any but I'm sure there are charities that may be able to help him.

sittinginthesun Fri 04-Oct-13 11:14:15

I agree - it sounds as though you both need some real life support. Start with your GP?

Pootles2010 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:14:28

I agree with Whiter, you both sound in need of a lot of help. Could you sort him out with somewhere else thats safe to stay, so you know he's ok whilst also having some space?

insanityscratching Fri 04-Oct-13 11:18:19

It sounds like he needs you now more than ever before tbh. Take some time to have some space by all means but don't cut him out. Try getting advice and support for you both here

Branleuse Fri 04-Oct-13 11:25:24

I think i would go to your gp and suggest some counselling or family therapy. Both your son and you are obviously hurting each other a lot more than you are communicating

Shreksfiona Fri 04-Oct-13 11:26:22

I have been there for him and the transgender is not the issue as I been the one encouraged him to come out, he tells me to fuck off all the time, he is contantly coming down off drink and drugs, I have 3 other children in the house, there is a drama everyday, he brings un desirables back in the early hours and lets them stay in the house, he has stopped going to college, I have people turning up to my business premises telling me about his outside behaviour, he picks up men every weekend and doesnt tell that he is a transexual as he looks like a very attractive girl, he doesnt care if the man has a girlfriend right next to him, he has no morals whatsever and the list goes on...

extracrunchy Fri 04-Oct-13 11:27:48

Agree with all of the above - can't imagine how hard it is for you to be dealing with a young person being so destructive, but ultimately he's behaving the way he is because he's deeply troubled. He needs your support more than ever - being transgendered is hard at the best of times - and you both need someone to talk things through with.

Helpyourself Fri 04-Oct-13 11:28:41

What support do you have, OP?
You can't just kick him out unless you've done everything you possibly can to get help!

Shreksfiona Fri 04-Oct-13 11:29:12

I hear what you are all saying but I cant cope with him anymore...

gamerchick Fri 04-Oct-13 11:30:58

I would agree with kicking him out but I wouldn't disown him. If he's going to behave like that then it has to be done.

He sounds troubled and wild atm and you have other kids to think about.

It doesn't mean you can't support him from a distance though.

Shreksfiona Fri 04-Oct-13 11:33:45

He doesnt want support, whatever I suggest he just tells me to f* off, gp etc, I made him an appointment at the gay mans clinic, he never showed, I set him up a busniess website to give him focus but after months of him closing the door in my face and being abusive, I cant deal with it anymore?

Shreksfiona Fri 04-Oct-13 11:34:46

We need space I know that...

SugarMiceInTheRain Fri 04-Oct-13 11:37:13

I agree that, especially with other children in your house, kicking him out may be the only option. But disowning him seems harsh, as at some point he will probably come to his senses and stop the inappropriate behaviour and really really need you. I'd go with supporting from a distance. Let him know you're there to support him when he wants/ needs it but you cannot have him living under your roof due to his destructive behaviour.

VoodooHexDoll Fri 04-Oct-13 11:40:21

He is 18 years old and an adult if you dont want him living with you then you have the right to ask him to move out.

It might be time for some tough love?

Also its not safe to have strangers in the house with other children in it. If he cant stick to basic rules then i would kick him out.

Floralnomad Fri 04-Oct-13 11:40:49

I appreciate its difficult but from your last post it doesn't sound like you have tried to understand . Why make him an appointment at a 'gay man' clinic ,he is not gay ,and what is a gay man clinic ? I find that offensive and I'm only the parent of a gay man so I can understand your son being pissed off with you .

Shreksfiona Fri 04-Oct-13 11:44:12

All this has been so hard on all of us as a family, it is tearing us all apart, when he comes in pissed we have angry taxi drivers demanding the money at the door, he expects us to give him money all the time and I just havent got it, he doesnt work and is lazy, he has caused world war 3 at 3 in the morning, woken everyone up in the house, to be be blunt he is a very selfish person

gamerchick Fri 04-Oct-13 11:47:32

Then pack his bags. Take away the immediate stress his behaviour is causing. . You all need a breather.

Shreksfiona Fri 04-Oct-13 11:52:05

It was a clinic that is set up in our local hospital and it is called just that, before he came out transgender, he came out gay as he was man attracted to men but was on a downward spiral of being promiscous and pls dont tell me that I dont understand!! so dont jump on the thread to act all offended
I have every right to be pissed off with him, so unless you know the facts please and I am being polite in the best possible way, dont turn all this in another direction

titchy Fri 04-Oct-13 11:59:56

If 'he' is transgendered why do you not now refer to him as her?

Agree you need boundaries though. Can you find a hostel or bedsit, pay a months rent and leave your child (now I'm not sure whether to say him or her!) to it. Change the locks and give a weeks notice this is all going to happen.

This is not the behaviour of a happy person though...

Floralnomad Fri 04-Oct-13 12:05:07

I'm not 'acting all offended' I'm simply telling you how it comes across . Your son obviously has major issues and I appreciate that that is difficult for you but he needs help not disowning . Set house rules and stick to them ,don't give him money ,if taxi drivers ask for money tell them they need to deal with him and if the police then get involved so be it . Don't allow strangers in the house ,if they won't leave call the police .

Slipshodsibyl Fri 04-Oct-13 12:15:31

He clearly needs to leave. It sounds as though you have tried to support him. Bringing strangers home for sex at night, drunk is putting the family at risk and difficult young adults cause havoc in a house.

I think you should ask for advice from social services. I expect that when he stops being able to hurt you so often you will feel able to accept him again rather than disown him.

I think picking the op up on whether she calls the child she brought up as a boy for 18 years him or her just now is nitpicking in the extreme and pretty unhelpful.

Slipshodsibyl Fri 04-Oct-13 12:17:43

As are comments like 'don't let strangers in'. I assume he brings them in at any time of night when others are sleeping. I expect op finds them there in the morning. Have you no idea what parents in this kind if situation are subject to?

Orchidlady Fri 04-Oct-13 13:24:36

shreks Fucking hell, you poor things sounds like a living nightmare. You can not live like this nor should you other kids be subjected to this. flora you are talking shit and being extremely unhelpful.
OP please keep posting can you get rl support?

wheredidiputit Fri 04-Oct-13 13:34:50


I would assume OP has done all of that.

OP yes he may be 'acting out' or coming to terms to his feelings it doesn't mean he has the right to disrupt the household when he feels like it.

Hopefully when you have both had some time apart you can come back together, not necessarily living together but as a family.

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