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Nasty little shits in the village -what would you do?

(77 Posts)
Orchidlady Mon 30-Sep-13 10:15:30

Want some thoughts on how to tackle this. DS 13 was threatened yesterday by a much older boy (17 I think) and his "gang" basically had to run into the local and call us to come and get him as was very scared, obviously very distraught. When his dad picked him up these boys these boys were aggressive and swaggering, really facing up. His dad felt he best not to say anything. I really am fed up with this behaviour and sick of DS and other kids being intimated by these people. Without sounding judgemental but the mother is a single parent has 8 kids and expecting her 9th. She has no control over them so no point in talking to her. I know for a fact she was evicted from her last house because of her horrible kids, people applauded when she left. The fact they saw it fit place her here just makes me angry. So now DS will be afraid to go out. I want to call the police but DS begged me not too as he thinks it will make matters worse. Any suggestions?

SparkyTGD Fri 25-Oct-13 09:38:59

That's great news Orchid smile

Orchidlady Fri 25-Oct-13 09:00:56

Update Just thought I would share some good news. DS has ventured down the village and boy in question has apologised to DS said he was out of order. DS accepted graciously as wants to keep boy on side as easier. So there is hope yet for the youth of today[smile

Orchidlady Tue 08-Oct-13 17:17:32

Thanks, had no intention of speaking with the mother, would be total waste of time. Would no doubt get a torrent of abuse.

TheArticFunky Tue 08-Oct-13 17:10:14

I agree with Sparky.

Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. Don't complain to the mother. Chances are the thug has forgotten about your son as intimidation will be a daily occurrence for him. If you complain to the mother your son will be on his radar.

I wouldn't befriend the mother either, leave that to the nice ladies at the local church.

Orchidlady Tue 08-Oct-13 12:19:02

I am doing that, signal not the best in the village hence he had the savvy to go to the local pub and use their phone. He has a lovely bunch of friends from school but means a 20 mile round trip on Saturday, ho hum at least he is happy.

zzz care to elaborate?

pantsonbackwards Tue 08-Oct-13 12:14:30

Perhaps make sure that your son has a phone on him and can get you or someone to pick him up if he feels threatened?

Orchidlady Tue 08-Oct-13 11:48:55

The community support officer is lovely, have spoken with her. Unfortunately they have limited powers, I think it needs to get physical before they can do much. sad

MrsPnut Tue 08-Oct-13 11:44:37

Do you have a neighbourhood policing team? Ours is really good and it's their job to work with the village to deal with anti social behaviour. There also should be an anti social behaviour team at your district council that you can contact and ask for advice.

You don't need to make any accusations but instead seek support and advice because your son is frightened to venture out into the village due to the level of anti social behaviour and they are the experts.

Orchidlady Tue 08-Oct-13 11:32:17

zzz sorry not sure what point you are making? Sceptical?

zzzzz Tue 08-Oct-13 11:15:56

Single mothers, multiple fathers, benefits, sn, drugs..... hmm

Orchidlady Tue 08-Oct-13 11:00:25

sadly it exists too often sparky

SparkyTGD Tue 08-Oct-13 09:58:49

I feel for you.

This type of thing definitely does exist.

Hope your DS can keep out of his way, not be a target, I know its hard. Make sure he keeps his friends close.

'Befriend the mother', I don't think so, yes, she probably does have a hard time, perhaps he is also violent to her but OP might be putting her son more at risk by getting involved.

Orchidlady Tue 08-Oct-13 09:47:15

bubby the mother sounds like a pathetic cow which will go to some way explaining why her kids behave like that. .

Just an update but the boy has found out through FB that DS has an older brother who would "sort him out" if anything else happens, so seems to have backed off for now. DS ventured down into village on Sunday so fingers crossed things are going to be better for him

bubby64 Mon 07-Oct-13 20:11:04

It has seemed to work, as he was told in no uncertain terms that if anything further happened, he would be up on a charge of actual bodily harm, and to actively avoid contact with both my sons. The policeman was really very good.
His mother gives me dirty looks and goes into whispering huddles with her cronies whenever she sees me though, but I have a thick skin and think if she wants to behave like a 13yr old, let her.

Orchidlady Mon 07-Oct-13 09:08:28

bubby oh your poor son. Did going to the police work? We have "restorative justice" with 1 bully in the village. What a total load of crap and waste of time. I wish there was an answer, I think years ago if this sort of thing happened and you went to the parents then you would have had their support and most would have been horrified that their kid was doing this sort of thing.

JustinBsMum Mon 07-Oct-13 00:06:22

Well, it's partly that there isn't an easy answer, def worth getting the police involved but even then it can take months/years for something to be done. Horrible for those at the receiving end. To be honest paying someone to severely duff up the perpetrators could be the answer but as you could end up in prison doing something like that I wouldn't recommend it to anyone !

pantsonbackwards Sun 06-Oct-13 15:36:46

I think this thread has disturbed the view of reality that a lot of mumsnetters have. Hence not many messages of support and sympathy.

bubby64 Sat 05-Oct-13 20:25:03

justinBsmum , I tried that when a bully threw stones at my ds and cut his head opensad . I didnt want to get police inolved as my son did still go to the same school as the antisocial little s**t! All I got gor my trouble was a huge mouthfull of foul abuse and and threats.
This convinced me that trying to talk to families like this isnt worth the efgort, and in the end we just did go to the police and he got a formal written warning from them, with further action to be taken if any more problems occur.

JustinBsMum Sat 05-Oct-13 01:26:47

I think, maybe in desperation, that I might knock on the mother's door and say did she know her DS had threatened your DS who is only 13?

I wouldn't tell DS I was doing it as, true, it could make things worse but you could also say you have some clothes for the baby (if she isn't ffing and blinding and telling you where to go).

It's possible that the boy has some feelings for his DM and wants to keep a semblance of normal family life.

happygolucky0 Sat 05-Oct-13 00:04:38

When I called the police last week they was going to come out and speak to my neighbours. That was for making threats, they don't have to hit your son for the police to get involved.
I found out some more info on the ones that are being a pain .... Apparently the neighbours the other side are moving as they have had enough of it all. Just that i expect your not the family being affected . Maybe the police are already aware but just need some evidence on the lad. I am glad that I decided against knocking on her door as have been told that she would of probably of been aggressive as she won't have anything said about her kids.

Orchidlady Fri 04-Oct-13 17:04:27

pants the chances are the people who refuse to believe there are few rotten apples, most likely are the type of families we are talking about. There is a woman on the estate who has a son with SN, no problem there except he is a nasty big bully BUT she I think she calls the police several times a week complaining about something. A police woman told me off the record that they were doing something about them but it will take time. How much time? in the meantime making peoples lives misery.

pantsonbackwards Fri 04-Oct-13 13:41:17

Phew! Im relieved that he's not at the school. At least ds can feel safe there. Poor lad.

pantsonbackwards Fri 04-Oct-13 13:40:12

There are a few posters on mn who refuse to accept that these families exist at all.

I've also had conversations with one mumsnetter who repeatedly refuses to believe that rough estates exist as well, despite me growing up on one and sharing my stories and others sharing their stories too. This mumsnetter lives on a lovely council estate and completely refuses the idea as she has never seen it. Her and her friends seem to go around on here calling anyone who has been on the receiving end of this behaviour a snob etc.

Tis weird. confused

Orchidlady Fri 04-Oct-13 13:40:03

thankfully not, I think this person 17 and left school. The fact he wants to hang around with 13/14 year old kids seems odd. I wish I could so something but it seems unless he actually hits DS I am unable to do much

pantsonbackwards Fri 04-Oct-13 13:33:36

Do they go to the same school? Sorry if i missed that.

Its horrible being scared at that age because it seems like your whole world.

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