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ds angry outburst - tramatised mum _ help pls

(51 Posts)
summer68 Thu 26-Sep-13 15:55:22

Hi I came to mumsnet to find someone to talk to and for advice.
My son had an angry outburst few days ago. He very rarely helps around the house, and if he is asked he will debate it until you wish you never asked. However a few days ago I asked him to mow the lawn -the debate began and I explained that it would be nice for his dd when he got home , as his dd wakes him every, makes him breakfast and usually drives him to college. My son then informed me he didn't care about anyone and launched into an angry tirade telling me I was mad and that It was my intention to wind him up. He then clapped his hands cm from my face congratulating me on winding him up. He then told me to Fxxx off . ( in hindsight I should have left then) I talked calmly to him but he began shouting again he told me to Fxxx off 4 more times. I then decided to confiscate his ipad but as I leaned down to pick it up he got me in a headlock and pulled me down. When he let go I was leaving the room( visibly upset and he called me a cxxt. He then shouted that I had created him and it was my fault he was angry. I am ashamed to say I replied that I had obviously made a mistake. This made him even madder and he launched after me and I just froze and he rained down lots of nasty words. He the smashed his ipad into a mirror and cracked it. He then left the house but I was left very shaken and upset.
When my dh spoke to him later, my son said that I had said something horrible and so he got angry. My dh ( I feel) can't believe that he was so aggressive and thinks I must have provoked his outburst. My Dd has encountered a couple of short outbursts but also thinks I must have provoked ds. I have been off work as I've been so tearful and distressed. However my son has been swaning around as if nothing happened ( except when his dad has spoken to him- then he becomes tearfull)- I hate to say it but I think he's playing his dad so he doesn't get into trouble. I have expressed this to my dh but I think he thinks I've gone crazy. Our dd has said she thinks he is stressed at college so my dh doesn't want to punish him - not wanting to push him over the edge.
I know I'll get honest feedback here. Any advice welcome. Thank you.

flow4 Wed 20-Nov-13 20:53:47

Summer, I take my hat off to you: what you did was brave and shows a really healthy self-respect. I am so glad your DH stepped up, and that you got an apology from your DS. smile

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