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Laptop in bedroom

(37 Posts)
KatyPutTheCuttleOn Mon 16-Sep-13 13:04:29

The rule has always been that the internet is not allowed in the bedrooms. DD is now 14 and is needing the internet for homework but says she can't concentrate if she is down in the lounge (younger siblings). I say she can't have the internet in her bedroom but she insists.
Do you put your foot down and say no or accept that it's reasonable now that she is 14?

But, StarBall, thanks for putting a bit of perspective on it for me. He's my PFB, he's not supposed to be subscribing to a porn website! Otherwise he's quite a nice lad, really...

I was expecting a bit of mild porn, but pornhub's homepage is all about hard core porn, a forum etc. Not just tits and arses. He's fucking subscribed to it!

NoComet Sun 22-Sep-13 00:16:53

Sorry I'm giggling. I'd have thought the only think that's certain in life that if a DS doesn't have a computer until he's 15 the first thing he'll do is find porn.

The first thing DH said to Siri, was find naked women.

Honestly, the male species are very predictable. I'm not sure at almost 16 there is much you can say except be very disapproving.

Oh fucking hell. I've been trusting DS1 (nearly 16) with the iPad in his room for a year or so. He's just been given an early birthday present of a laptop by his dad. I still check his emails occasionally and tonight find one from 'Pornhub' to activate his account. I googled Pornhub and it's not nice.

He's gone for a sleepover for his friend's birthday tonight and taken his laptop with him. How the hell do I deal with this tomorrow? The family PC is in the dining room. I will ban all electronics for all 3 DSs from their bedrooms and turn off the router at my bedtime. I'm tempted to confiscate DS's brand new laptop and give it back to his dad, he can keep it at his dad's house. Except that'll make me the big baddy and his (lying, cheating) dad the goody.

How do I go about putting parental controls on his laptop?

This might need a new thread...

NoComet Sat 21-Sep-13 23:28:58

I was just composing a reply when DD2 appeared looking for a drink and a good night kiss.

So here is her reply (after I said we were discussing time limits on lap tops).

"I can go outside when the sun shines and go on my lap top when I'm tired and want to unwind and I'll mostly come down for tea without moaning because I can go back later".

The last point is I think the main reason why I would hate screen time limits. Generally when I say that's enough TV, SIMs, utube or in DD1's case Dr. Who, Sherlock or old fashioned book, they do stop without much grumbling.

If we had limits and rules they would constantly be either moaning about them or stretching them to breaking point. (DD2 very obviously with much grump and DD1 very quietly and deviously.)

Also because they don't feel pressured some of their computing is actually quite educational. DD2 watches loads of gymnastics and has learned lots of hair styles. That she gets DD1 to help her with. DD2 likes history and science documentaries and some of her late night TV watching really is serious BBC4.

If I limited screen time it would all be sims, pointless free games and reruns of Dr who.

Floralnomad Sat 21-Sep-13 22:56:22

Isn't MN a strange place ,where people assume that because you allow TVs ,tablets and laptops in bedrooms that your children spend all their time sat upstairs glued to them ! Children that have free access probably use them less than those on a timer in reality .

NoComet Sat 21-Sep-13 22:43:03

my two certainly have other hobbies and oddly its the one who's always had a lap top from being small who is the sporty one who has spent about two hours on the trampoline today practicing gymnastics.

As for the more world wise person, suffice to say they existed before the internet and give up when they realise you may be a bit of an odd ball, but your not as innocent or as in need of comfort as they'd like. (and there is no delete key for people in RL).

DD2 has far too many real friends to text and keep in touch, with because they went to different schools, to want to talk to strangers.

And DD1 is a total cynic.

bymoonlight Sat 21-Sep-13 21:31:55

I think you have a really good system in place TeenAndTween. I hope we can similar in this house as my dd's grow up.

I agree completely with you about hobbies as well.

TeenAndTween Sat 21-Sep-13 21:23:45

bymoonlight DD1 does have a fancy phone (Galaxy Ace).
Internet access is disabled however smile .

Phone anyway lives in school bag normally so on school nights is downstairs after tea. In holidays lives downstairs at the charging station.

I think my teen benefits from having clear boundaries, and protection from being encouraged to 'grow up' too soon. Trusting not to read too late at bedtime is one thing. Giving unlimited access to any old person on the internet who might be much more worldly wise / devious than she is, is quite another matter.

Also, we put time and effort to ensure my teen can participate in hobbies, see friends face to face etc. She does not need internet access on her phone/in her bedroom, she is too busy doing more fun stuff.

Floralnomad Fri 20-Sep-13 21:37:16

I agree starball .

NoComet Fri 20-Sep-13 21:31:04

DD2 doesn't have a smart phone. Her phone Internet is worse than a snail in treacle.

DD1 does. No point in worrying what she sends from bed.

They have two hours on the bus each day to do as much sextexing, and dubious web surfing as they like.

Honestly folks weren't you ever teens. If teens want to get up to no good they will get up to no good.

I generally didn't because I never saw the point, why rebel when you have a supportive loving home.

I can only hope my DDs feel the same.

You can have all the rules you like, but if your teens don't have the self confidence to keep out of trouble it will only slightly delay the chaos not prevent it.

bymoonlight Fri 20-Sep-13 21:15:40

I meant her dad is a computer geek!

TeenAndTween - That is exactly the sort of set up I would want in my house when my dd's are older. What do you do about smartphones in the bedroom?

bymoonlight Fri 20-Sep-13 21:14:00

I expect a lot of parent explain that getting naked infront of a webcam is wrong. I don't expect every teenager listens.

But hey you know your kid best.

Until the day you realise you don't of course, but by then its too late.

I heard that the young girl who killed herself because of was a computer geek as well. It didn't stop his daughter doing the unthinkable.

TeenAndTween Fri 20-Sep-13 10:56:09

DD1 (14) has had a laptop in her bedroom since starting secondary.
We also have downstairs laptops. She has younger sister and I thought it unreasonable to ask DD2 to be quiet downstairs so DD1 could do homework.

The upstairs one
- has parental controls, but we had to loosen them as she couldn't get to sites she needed for work
- has internet access switched off at 8pm
- has blocks on social networking sites, facebook etc, also youtube
- comes out of room in school holidays
She knows abuse of upstairs laptop would mean its removal.

Downstairs she can facebook, play games etc, but not upstairs.

NoComet Fri 20-Sep-13 10:38:20

When she was small she played Cebbies games and then Sims and not a lot else. She had moshi monsters for a bit, but got bored.

The only thing we had trouble with and banned for a while was utube (there are parodies of ligitimate things, not suitable for DCs or just not funny).

She likes videos and stories and blogs with DCs her age in them and the same pop music and celebs as everyone else her age. I pretty sure that if anything outside her comfort zone popped up she'd just close it.

Also she knows her Ddad is a computer geek, she knows if he chooses to he can log everything that goes out the house internet (everything goes through his linex box, which also discorages a lot of viruses that need windows)

Her lab top is her pride and joy, she wouldn't risk it vanishing into DHs lockable filling cabinet.

Floralnomad Fri 20-Sep-13 10:15:33

bymoonlight , that poor boy had been doing more than talking ,that's why they could blackmail him . I'm with stricnine , my children know not to get naked in front of webcams and how to behave online ie once you've posted something you can't get it back and its there forever . Never been an issue in this house having Internet in any room .

FeetUpUntilChristmas Fri 20-Sep-13 10:04:34

From secondary my DC had a PC in there room, now they both have a laptop, tablet and phone at 14 and 16. I am teaching them to be responsible and they know that they gave to give me access to the devices whenever I ask. Internet is on here 24/7 as often someone will still be working at 11pm.
The both use their devices for homework all the time and generally prefer the peace of their own rooms although not always. If it is just the 2 of them at home they are likely to be downstairs working, but when we have visitors or I am around then if they had important pieces to complete they would be upstairs.
IMO unless there is quiet space downstairs where your 14 year old can work she will struggle with completing her GCSE studies unless you let her have internet upstairs.

bymoonlight Fri 20-Sep-13 09:25:16

I've just been reading in the paper about a young man (17) who recently threw himself off the forth bridge and died after being blackmailed online. He thought he was talking to an American girl until he received an email threatening to reveal his online chat to his parents unless he paid money into a back account. 24 hours later he committed suicide.

This blackmail is a new curse of the internet apparently.

I don't think leaving a 6yo unsupervised is an intelligent thing to do and comparing it to crossing a road is bizarre ( I wouldn't trust my 6yo to cross a busy road by herself anyway, even with everything I have taught her about road safety).

Monitoring of children online is getting more difficult, but that doesn't mean parents should pass the buck and say 'I have taught them everything I can' and then wash their hands of all responsibility.

Stricnine Fri 20-Sep-13 09:00:22

I'm with StarBallBunny on this (only she knows her 6 year old) ... we (parents) teach them the dangers of road crossing, strangers etc etc from a very young age ... if we get the message right and teach them trust and respect (as well as self esteem) then as teenagers they should be able to risk assess their own activities ...

Equally I don't rely on Internet Filters to do my nannying for me - they are not robust or reliable - teaching children right and wrong and how to make their own decisions about such stuff is much more vital than unreliably blocking access... and there's always: the grass is always greener etc ... if something is 'forbidden' it becomes much more enticing to find !

DD (now 17) has had unrestricted access to internet for several years (to be honest can't remember when she first had a computer in her bedroom, she started downstairs with us from Primary age and migrated up around the end of Primary/start of Secondary) and shows, to my mind, remarkable understanding of the perils and advantages of social networking and the 'modern age'...

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 20-Sep-13 08:40:04

In their rooms, even.

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 20-Sep-13 08:39:42

My dd and ds1 are 15 and 14 and have laptops in the room.

There is a filter that prevents hard core porn, but I strongly suspect if they really wanted to watch it, they would use their phones, or their friends phones or their friends laptop.

I bloody well hope at 14 and 15 they have some type of sense. Although I have been known to change the WiFi password when they do something ridiculous. Always a scene of great hilarity when they run about screeching "but the wifi IS NOT WORKING. WHAT DO I DOOOOO"

The Internet cuts off at 10pm anyway, otherwise they might be tempted to be on twitter or Skype half the night.

VegasIsBest Fri 20-Sep-13 08:30:05

Why not trust your child? Dealing with the internet is part of growing up nowadays.

febel Fri 20-Sep-13 08:24:14

6! With a her own laptop?! I am out of touch! Mine didn't have them until in their mid teens. Youngest (16) hasn't got one although has an I pad instead (she put towards it age 15) and it is the worst thing we ever bought as she now sits in her room all the time doing god knows what and looking at god knows what. I do switch wi fi off at around 9.30 though, and it and the phone have to be outside her room at night (we have learnt by experience which is why we have this rule) To show solidarity I also leave my phone outside my room. Lots of opposition over both rules by her in the past but I have stayed firm. however, wish we didn't have wi fi and she had to use it downstairs. We have had history let me say when she was younger......
I may sound like a dinosaur but I think it is a lot more challenging and harder to bring children up now with all the access to technology...

usualsuspect Mon 16-Sep-13 19:53:35

I think.It's ok to have a laptop in your room at 14.

In fact I don't know a 14 year old who hasn't got a tablet or laptop in their bedroom.

louby44 Mon 16-Sep-13 19:50:00

We have a family PC on the landing. My DP found porn in the history and it was hardcore. It was DS13 looking, which I knew would happen sooner or later. So even when it's in a family area with other people walking past they still look at stuff they shouldn't.

The solution is to filter it by putting on parental controls so that they can't access sites that have certain words.

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