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If you had a teenager who hated homework...

(25 Posts)
lljkk Thu 12-Sep-13 18:59:44

How did you handle it?

My situation complicated because I have same room for all DC, no HW=no screen time in family PC. In strop at being refused screen time DS almost refused to go to school this morning, too. sad

lljkk Thu 12-Sep-13 20:44:11

or have a teen like that now, even.

LynetteScavo Thu 12-Sep-13 20:50:11

I backed off completely.

The school gave break and lunch and after school detentions - and lower grades and engagement scores.

He is now in Y10, and realises he needs to do homework.

I've always had to pick my battles with DS, though, and for years have just been grateful he does actually go to school.

lljkk Thu 12-Sep-13 21:02:25

yes, that's my problem too.
If I back off of DS I will have to back off the others and some of them will never do any homework, either (sigh).

noblegiraffe Thu 12-Sep-13 21:08:05

Is there somewhere he could do it at school? Either at lunchtime or after school? He might prefer that to being at home with all the distractions available.

lljkk Thu 12-Sep-13 21:25:54

You mean somewhere without Wifi?
I think he objects to it in principle. That and laziness.

BackforGood Thu 12-Sep-13 21:31:09

Same as Lynette- I explain, remind, offer to help if he wanted it, but ultimately, I'm not standing over him. You have to hope that the school will make it clear that where they expect homework to be done, they will follow up with some kind of punishment and reward system.

noblegiraffe Thu 12-Sep-13 21:34:08

Did no screen time make him do the homework?

How did you get him to school?

Would school sanctions for lack of homework, or for truancy persuade him to get it done and go to school?

lljkk Thu 12-Sep-13 21:45:26

Thanks for asking... no HW done yet, he's a stubborn cuss. If only he could channel that trait usefully.

I am very fuzzy about what sanction school imposes in case of truancy or no homework. I imagine pretty much nothing DS would care about.* Just checking the website they suggest getting in touch with the Student Centre. So guess I will try that.

*We've paid for him to do a trip overseas in November; I imagine first sanction would be for him to miss the trip and us to be out of pocket the money. sad

lljkk Fri 13-Sep-13 06:52:11

... still hoping to hear anecdotes

noblegiraffe Fri 13-Sep-13 07:46:25

I think missing a paid-for school trip would be quite far down the list of sanctions, more likely detentions (homework) and isolation (truancy) first.

Phoning the school and trying to come up with a joint approach is a good idea.

craftybelle Fri 13-Sep-13 07:57:57

My son (now 16) detested homework and there were many arguments.Don't know how old your teen is, but things can improve!My main prob was that all the school would do was contact me and tell me-no real sanctions at school, so it was up to me to sort it.I don't have a clear strategy that worked, just persistence. Does your teen have a social life outside the house (mine had a limited one), because if so it's worth limiting time out until homework is done, I was able to use that at times.I took play station controllers away too, remote controls on telly, all the usual things. One problem is that so much homework is done on the internet, so I made him bring computer downstairs to dining room so I could monitor him.without that element of supervision, he soon found himself distracted by YouTube, Facebook etc etc.
If it helps, as he went into Year 10/11, he improved and at exam time he suddenly started working.He achieved some very good results, so the persistence was worth it.
If all else fails, talk to his tutor/Year leader for advice. This should not just be your problem-you are not setting the homework, even though you probably feel as though it's all up to you!Trust me-you are not alone. Whatever you might be feeling, there are loads of kids out there who hate homework and will do everything possible to avoid it. It's not your fault!!!!!! Some might say he needs to learn to be independent, etc etc. Yes, he does, but if he is not ready for that yet, then you do have a clear choice, really. Back off completely and see what happens, or just persist with everything you can throw at the situation! Personally, I never could back off, as I was always concerned that once I had left him to it, if he had not changed his attitude, I could never claw back the situation if it went wrong. Good luck!

chocoluvva Fri 13-Sep-13 11:03:26

My story is very similar to craftybelle's. I tried everything I could think of to get DD to do her homework. In the end she did get quite good exam results.

Now in her final year of school and applying for competitive courses in HE (specialist area) she's working quite hard.

It's very difficult. Once after I'd told her she should be getting on with homework she said that she was going to have gone and done it but now she didn't feel like doing it - so annoying being told to go and do it. But no nagging resulted in minimum work.

I think different strategies will work for different children. Some will benefit from finding out the hard way. Others will be glad when they've done well and be motivated to build on their success. Or see the end of school looming and knuckle down at the last minute.

Sometimes I think they can feel under pressure if they're closely supervised at home. But equally sometimes they just can't be bothered and don't care.

I really sympathise.

secretscwirrels Fri 13-Sep-13 16:13:55

lljk how old are your DCs?
I'm asking because I too had very strict rules about screen time when mine were younger but as they got older I became more pragmatic and relaxed the rules. However I did it for the eldest first when he started Y9 and DS2 had to wait until he was the same age.
DS2 has always been the one who hated homework. He says he'd rather stay longer at school than have school work "ruin his life" at home. I would never trust the school to enforce it. I suspect you might not hear anything until he fell behind. I know others disagree but I think it's too important to sit back and wait for them to fail.

lljkk Fri 13-Sep-13 19:39:39

5,9,11 & 13, secrets.
11yo is completely self sufficient about HW, others need cajoling.
Good food for thoughts in other posts, will read & digest better later.

secretscwirrels Fri 13-Sep-13 19:50:30

Ah so you are just venturing into teendom then.
I'd play on the " you are the oldest so you can have certain privileges but only on condition that you make a homework routine and stick to it."

Viking1 Fri 13-Sep-13 21:03:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty Fri 13-Sep-13 21:12:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBuskersDog Fri 13-Sep-13 21:44:30

Coconutty, how old are you talking about - I can't imagine doing that with a teenager.

According to some posts the problem seems to be with the schools' punishments, or lack of, for not doing homework. At my son's school there is an automatic 45 minute detention, they still have to do it and keep getting detentions if it isn't done. A letter is sent through the post to the parents telling them about the detention and the reason. I imagine repeated offences would lead to a higher level of punishment, luckily have not had that problem.

Coconutty Fri 13-Sep-13 22:23:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overthehill Fri 13-Sep-13 23:45:05

My ds (14) seems to have a spectacular lack of homework; strange how he gets so much less than his sister did at that age! He said last year that he would start working when it came to GCSE years but of course there's no sign of that yet and he just rushes everything and doesn't seem to care. Very frustrating as one of his possible career choices is to be a doctor, but I can't get through to him that he won't have the remotest chance unless he knuckles down at school.

I've got to the point when I can't do anything except leave it to the school as he won't listen to me anyway, but the sanctions there don't seem to be sufficient to give him any incentive. Thoroughly depressing, and I just hope he'll wake up before it's too late as he's a bright lad and could do so well.

lljkk Sat 14-Sep-13 08:08:58

How many other children do you have, Coconutty, and what were they doing all the time you sat with your DS?

I already do that, btw, with younger DSs, used to be normal for DS2 to tantrum for an hour every time, but I don't know how you make a teenager sit with you especially when others are getting up to mischief. confused

Coconutty Sun 15-Sep-13 08:30:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

breadandbutterfly Sun 15-Sep-13 15:52:44

I think homework is put off because the dcs see it as boring and/or difficult- if the former, then gently reminding can help - and if it's in a subject they're going to drop before GCSE you can't really blame them and ultimately it doesn't really matter.

But if they're not doing the homework because of the latter - they're behind at school/don't understand the subject/don't want to admit they haven't got a clue, the longer you leave them to 'sort it out themselves', the worse it will be. Some pupils, in some subjects, can catch up by some swotting before the exam. But in other subjects, like languages, you HAVE to keep on top of it all the way through - you can't 'cram' a language if you've had 5 years of not having a clue what any of it meant and not learning it bit by bit. Plus anyone who's ever taught an undiagnosed dyslexic will know that they will use all sorts of moaning and avoidance tactics to get away with not doing the homework. When what they need is support.

If you've got a child really getting behind in core subjects they need to do to GCSE check they're actually coping with the subject and CAN do the homework set (rather than just don't want to). Also look at longer term motivation - they need to want to do well for themselves not just because you're moaning - so look at getting them to do work experience/talk to people doing jobs they'd like to do. So they can see why they need to work now.

ontheallotment Sun 15-Sep-13 17:26:49

dd never had any homework in spite of being at the same school as older brother who had had a reasonable amount at the same age (and often with the same teachers). It was apparent at parents eves that what she did do was rushed and quite likely done under the desk in the lesson before, or in breaktime. Fast forward to GCSE and she did brilliantly (having done little/no homework throughout the course, with the exception of controlled assessments). Trying to take the same approach at AS level though it all came a bit unstuck, and she could definitely have done better, hopefully she's learned a lesson from that.

So, for GCSE you may be able to get away with it, but beyond that probably not. Or maybe everyone has a limit beyond which it matters and that limit may be different for everyone.

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