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DS applied for college bursay and now social services are getting involved !

(10 Posts)
gratitude Fri 06-Sep-13 19:13:23

Advice please. my ds 17 moved to europe with us when he was 6 . He has spent the last 3 years spending time both with us and with his grandparents in the uk. We wanted him to stay at school here but it has been a very difficult time because of his behaviour. He has resisted staying at school and has now left completely and after spending summer in the uk has started college in the uk to learn a trade.

He is staying for the time being for free with a family friend and has found a job earning 30 a week. We are not in a position to pay rent for him and would prefer it if he was at home with us and going to school.

He went to see the welfare at college about getting a bursary to help him with living costs and paying rent . Although his course is only 3 days a week so he is looking for more work.

He contacted me today saying that college want to involve social services as they see him as vulnerable because of his age .They want to speak to his grandparents where he has been staying all summer. My parents are very old and are very worried about this and do not want to get involved in any way. My son also is fearful of social services involvment and I feel uneasy too.

It is not a lack of love on our part that has caused our sons estrangement and it has been his choice to put himself in this position but we can't financially support him and pay rent for him in the UK.

Does anyone have any idea what implications this will have for my Ds if social services get involved with him? He will be 18 in 3 months and although we have not always got on we always knew where he was. It was me who sorted out a friend for him to stay with whilst he sorted himself out and set up a job for him

Will I be financially liable to pay for his living costs ? I live outside the Uk and so cannot provide the evidence needed for the bursary.

DameEdnasBridesmaid Fri 06-Sep-13 21:32:16

College will need the evidence that he is not living with parents. They will be doing their best to get the evidence to fulfill the criteria to give him maximum bursary (£30)

I do not believe you need to worry. Social Services will do a brief assessment and investigation, possibly a couple of home calls to assess that he is not a risk (of neglect etc.). They may also offer a YP Support worker to help him with claiming Income Support.

I am a student Support Manager in a FE College and would do same to support my students.

primroseyellow Sat 07-Sep-13 00:17:27

You should be supporting him financially while he continues his education, just as you would be if he was with you abroad.

gratitude Sat 07-Sep-13 07:40:48

That's all very well *primroseyellow" but it has been his choice to leave home and country to do this.

If I was resident in the uk I could present evidence of family income and he would be entitled to get support, but I don't have the right evidence to meet the criteria as I am not in the uk.

It's him who is fiercely independent and wants to make his own way.

we are both British nationals.

flow4 Sat 07-Sep-13 20:02:57

Don't worry. If you think about it, as a 17yo living in a different country from his parents, he is potentially vulnerable. Children's services are looking out for his well-being and will just ask some questions to check his actual circumstances. It will be in his best interest: he will qualify for a larger bursary because he's living alone, and may get help with accommodation and other expenses too.

gallicgirl Sat 07-Sep-13 20:09:43

It might actually be to his benefit as they could provide assistance and help him to contact support agencies.

flow4 Sat 07-Sep-13 20:18:55

Also bear in mind you have no choice about whether or not children's services get involved. If the college have concerns and believe your son is vulnerable, they have a legal duty to make a referral to children's services. CS will then make some enquiries, which are likely to be minimal unless their enquiries lead them to have concerns about your son's well-being. If you, your son, the grandparents and the family friend are approached, it is definitely best for everyone to answer questions honestly and openly. That will enable CS to do their job and check all is well with your son. If anyone refuses to talk to them, this is likely to increase their concerns.
Ultimately, because of your son's age, CS will only take action he agrees to. He can refuse their help if he wants to. But as I said, it is probably in his best interests to accept anything that's offered. smile

middleeasternpromise Sat 07-Sep-13 20:22:29

I would be amazed if Childrens Social Care do any more than offer him a drop in advice service.

primroseyellow Sat 07-Sep-13 21:24:56

Having worked in FE I have seen how hard it is for 16-18 year olds to manage independently even when it is their choice. I can understand that relationships are difficult or even break down but I really do feel that the parents have to act as the adults in this situation and support the young person.

Havea0 Thu 12-Sep-13 21:20:57

You seem surprisingly normal on this thread.

I presume the other thread will be deleted.
I dont know what is going on in your life, but I urge you to stop reading the stuff you have been reading. And dont sockpuppet. It is against MN rules, and is just generally not on.

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