She's 14 next month. For the past 14 years we've been really close. As a baby and toddler she was very very clingy and would never go anywhere without me. She would reject my husband and I think he felt a bit hurt by it, sometimes her clinginess and reliance on me was Infuriating. Obviously as she's got older she's become independent and has grown into a very confident, sporty energetic girl.
Over the last few weeks her behaviour has become more and more teenagerish - bolshy, cocky , arrogant, bossy with younger siblings, etc. And suddenly her dad is the one she goes to when things aren't exactly as she wants them. Part of me is quite pleased as it takes some pressure off me and makes me feel less like I am solely responsible for her emotional wellbeing. Also I think my dh quite enjoys being appreciated finally. But part of me feels like I've lost an ally - two allies. Dd and dh (as I can't moan about her to him anymore )
It makes perfect sense. She's playing each of you off against the other. She knows how much you care and part of being a teenager seems to be hurting the feelings of one or both parents.
As she matures, her actions will balance out and hopefully she can go on to have a mutually satisfactory equal relationship with both you and your husband. It won't be plain sailing for a long time though and difficult as it is, you'll have to keep your opinions about her dad to yourself.