DS 14 has much improved in recent months and has actually been a joy to have around this summer holiday. He is genuinely kinder, more helpful and more reasonable. He has also become so funny and we laughed so much. I really thought we had cut a corner.
But he has a terrible lying habit. It's not big things he lies about, just about the everyday agreements we have made...agreements that he was involved in making with us, that were discussed at length and then mutually decided.
For example, at the beginning of the holiday HE decided to do some homework on week days because English is is weakest subject. I just found out that he had simply be copying it from the book. Yet he told me an elaborate story how he had only read it and then closed the work book and written everything from memory.
He has been lying to his dad all summer long in this way - dad never spots anything :(( but today I looked at the work and pretty much guessed the fraud.
Our relationship has become so good in so many ways...we laugh and talk reasonably about many things. He tells us how much he loves us...it's been brilliant in so many other respects?
Why is he lying so much?
Our policy has been that he must sit 1 hour in the front porch every time we catch him lying. He does that willingly and is always very sorry.
We also handed over responsibility in pretty much all areas of his life, in order to minimise conflict.
What do you do if you catch your teens lying?
Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.
Teenagers
Lying, lying, lying - what can we do about it?
Palika · 05/09/2013 14:37
I wish I knew the answer palika
DS was caught red- handed lying yesterday. I saw him going in the opposite direction to where he should have been, and from the evidence when he got home, it was clear that he hadn't been where he should have been. But he lied all evening about it. And the sad thing was, there was no need to have lied at all - he could have just said he didn't want to go out and that would have been fine.
It has taken until today for him to finally admit that he lied, and even then he did it in a jokey manner.
Have not punished him - just lectured him about honesty and cheating on this occasion, but think it may all come back to bite him on the bum tomorrow anyway 
I think they lie because they can. Testing the water to see who is in control to a certain extent.
Yes, I really do think it can improve things. I try to make a distinction between big misbehaviours and little misbehaviours, there can be big lies or little fibs and often it?s much more effective to let the trivia go. And since my DS is also prone to the anxious cover-up I try to put things in a non-threatening way - "I forgot to remind you to practise piano yesterday, did you happen to remember?"
The time when it?s appropriate to punish a lie is when it?s a cover-up for real misbehaviour, like stealing or breaking or going somewhere forbidden.
One practical thing you could do for your DS, would be to give him a mechanism for ?taking the Fifth? 
You could agree on a phrase like ?that?s personal? that he can say anytime he doesn?t want to answer anything at all and you will absolutely drop the subject. And compliment him when he uses the phrase no matter how annoying it may be not to get a proper answer!
My DH is generally a very truthful person and I value truth highly. I don't expect him to lie about where he is or what he's done, big or little, I tell him the truth myself and I expect the same back. Equally I try not to fuss if he's done something minor that I don't like. And I might say ?Do you like my new hairdo and by the way ?no? is not an acceptable answer? - and I can tell by the tone of voice if he means the ?yes? or not, but I'm not going to call him on it!
As for serious lies, one approach is not to give youngsters the opportunity to lie because no matter how pointless it is they often take the chance ? so if you already know they did it then don?t insist on a confession, just say you know they did such-and-such and take it from there. You only ask when you really don?t know. So I wouldn't just say ?What did you do today?? I'd say ?I know you didn?t go to music? and then ?The consequence for skipping music lesson without asking me is?.? or ?Remember you need to go next week because?.?
It's different in an adult relationship. A marriage needs trust. There isn't the discipline and learning side, and big lies from a spouse would be a dealbreaker. At least for me.
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