First late evening party - should I let her go?

[m1m1rie]

Not sure if I qualify for the teenagers section - this is more of a pre-teen conundrum (but, I'm sure, only the beginning...)DD1 has been invited to a friend's birthday party 'disco'. She is 11 and the party is next Friday night in a village hall at a place not particularly local to me (not familiar with the area). However, up to now, DD's parties have all been swimming parties, parties at home in the afternoon/early evening etc. This, however, doesn't finish until 10pm, and I have never even seen, never mind met, the girl whose party it is. She is in DD's class at school, but as school is 10 miles away and the school bus takes them and brings them home I am hardly ever likely to encounter many of her schoolfriends so will be more or less in the dark as to what kind of kids they are. DD has never had loads of friends, or indeed been invited to many parties during her childhood (but that's a different thread entirely!), so I am not about to show her that I have concerns about this party or let her think that I don't want her to go. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to prepare myself for this transition from childhood to teendom and would you let her go or is she still too young?

[bluejelly]

I'd let her go-- I'm sure it will be very tame, and lots of fun

[MrsBadger]

haven't got to this stage myself yet, but remember vividly going to my first few of this type of party myself.

Generally, I'd trust her instincts.
She may, like me, not be too enamoured of the whole thing and will want to get out as soon as politely possible without losing face. My dad (kindly) and used to arrive at the venue an hour early and wait outside in the car.
If I was having a rubbish time and wanted to leave, I'd blame my usless square parents for making me come home at 9 and leg it - if I was actually enjoying it Daddy would read the paper and I'd stay till the end.

Of course if you do turn up at 9 and see things happening outside the hall you think aren't appropriate, you could go in and fetch her out.

[mazzystar]

I have no experience as a mother, but still remember the excitement of more "grown-up" parties. Sounds late to be to be honest but you know your daughter and whether she's ready for it.

Can she buddy up with one or two of her friends and take them together and get picked up together?

Does she have a mobile phone so either of you can contact each other if need be?

Can you rign up the girl's parents just to check it all out or would that cause utter mortification?

[mazzystar]

Mrs B you dad sounds just like mine.

[m1m1rie]

She seems quite keen to go (despite the fact that she had the party invitation in her school locker for 2 weeks before she remembered to bring it home!)so I think she would enjoy herself. My only problem is the unfamiliarity of the girl/her parent(s)to me. If I knew them or the party was somewhere in my locality I wouldn't have a problem because I would have a general idea of the situation before she went. Apparently she was asked to sleep over afterwards too, but I feel this is out of the question because I don't know them at all.

[SKYTVADICT]

It is a tricky one. My DD is 10 so we are not quite there yet. We have had the sleepover problem at someones I didn't know though. I made sure I took her, met the parents and made sure she had her mobile phone with her in case of any problems (having had a mobile at 8 as she did - but that is a different thread altogether!)
She is the oldest child and quite mature for her age.

Will you be taking your DD to the disco? Will she have a mobile?

I let my DD walk home from school for the first time on Monday - a 20 minute walk - took 35 mins!!! I was feeling really sick - apparently she went the long way round to cross the main road at an island coz she thought it would be safer! I also told her not to go throught he park and she very happily told us she had found 31p IN THE PARK!!

[foxinsocks]

I would let her go but I would go in and meet the parents. Just a sort of friendly 'hi, thought I should introduce myself as our dds are obviously friends' type hello and then you can sus out the situation for yourself. Hopefully in the time you've said pleasantries, you'll be able to get an idea as to whether dd will enjoy herself or not (and whether she looks happy!).

[m1m1rie]

She is not a particularly 'foward' 11 year-old and is fairly young for her age, although she is very sensible. She walks home from where the school bus drops off every day, and when we go shopping we often split up to go in different shops, meeting up frequently. I am not a paranoid mother, and trust her judgement. But I am more concerned about exposing her to anything inappropriate. I know they can't be babies forever, and I do cut her plenty of slack to live her own life. Haven't told daddy about the party yet - would probably put his foot down and say a resolute 'no'! (you know daddies with their little girls!) I can see I will have to add some credit to her mobile before next Friday (and just try to restrain myself from phoning her every 10 minutes to see if 'she's enjoying herself'!)

[redsky]

I have done the same thing as MrsB's dad - ie I have let dd go to the party but tell her I'll be outside in the car from 9pm so she can escape and make me the excuse if it's all a bit much. She has used that opt out at least once, but has also become a bit wiser about which parties to attend! Girly sleepovers are still the most fun parties for her. She is now 13.

[mumeeee]

I would let her go. But speak to the girls parents first. Can you phone them? Then go in and say a quick hello when you drop her off.