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DS12 hit me yesterday and today

(51 Posts)
Tansy7 Sat 20-Jul-13 14:05:05

Need advice right now really. DS1 is in his room, having thumped me very hard on my outstretched arm as I was closing the door to his bedroom, where I'd told him to go because of really nasty rudeness. He'd tried to come back out of his room and I told him to stay there and I was shutting the door again when he hit me.

Yesterday, he also hit me, very hard, punching me on the shoulder as I was driving at high speed on an A road with DS2 also in the car, on a special family 'treat' day out. On that occasion, I found a place to pull in safely and then told him off.

However, DS2 became hysterically upset about the row. So I tried to calm everyone down and carried on with the trip out.

I was expecting DS1 to be very contrite today, especially as we'd had a long talk last night and his main worry was that I hadn't fully forgiven him.

Yesterday, I put it down to him being hungry or tired (we'd had an early start) but the punch was as a result of me insisting he eat something (we had a picnic with us), to up his blood sugar level, in case this was why he'd become really, really nasty and horrible as we were driving along.

Today, he wasn't hungry. He wasn't tired. We were again doing a family activity for fun (when I've actually got masses of other things I should/could be doing for me - but it is their school holidays now).

Anyway, that's a bit of the background. He's always been a bit hyper - but not at all at a diagnosable level. He's in puberty now. He's hit me before as his DS2 (I'm a single mum). I'm not sure I'm dealing with this properly or adequately.

I don't know what to do right now as a consequence. He's been in his room for over an hour. He's not supposed to be doing screen activities right now but I found out he'd sneaked in a laptop, which I've now taken away. He's not at all contrite.

I've threatened to call the police, as he's almost as tall as me now and I refuse to live with someone who's physically violent. However, I know I would never ever call the police as I wouldn't ever want anything recorded that might affect his future in any way and am I over-reacting?

What would a suitable consequence be in this context - where he's thumped me two days in a row in the context of receiving a family treat? How do I manage things without DS2 suffering also? Right now, DS2 is huffy with me and anxious because of the row and by DS1 being in his room, DS2 is also 'suffering' and wants to blame me.

Have I been too soft with DS1?

Alexia12 Wed 14-Aug-13 08:51:58

Glad things sound like they're improving.
I just wanted to say don't be afraid to contact social services for advice.
I did this yesterday after months of being hesitant (16 yr old ds extremely verbally abusive, using drugs and alcohol,has gone to hit me and often hits 14 brother). The social worker I spoke to was massively supportive of ME and outlined services they would normally offer eg anger management, mediation between me and ds etc etc even alternative accommodation on a temporary basis for ds if needed. However because of his age and having finished his GCSEs he didnt really fit their age range. All they could suggest was that I had to think of mine and younger ds safety/health and that if ds couldn't live with his dad (we're divorced) then ds could report as homeless to local charity who would provide support/accommodation. Whole tone of conversation was that in no way did I have to put up with his behaviour.
I guess what I'm saying is don't leave it too late to advice/help and you're both at absolute crisis point. Also not to be afraid to get help, you've not done anything illegal in smacking him after all.
Good luck!

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