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My 13 year old 'borrowed 2 of my 'toys'

(65 Posts)
MyPeanut Thu 18-Jul-13 11:09:04

Last night, after my 13 year had gone upstairs to bed, I realised that 2 of my adult toys were missing from the drawer in my bedside table. She replaced them this morning before school and I said to her as she left for the bus that we needed to have a chat after school. At first she acted innocent and said why? I said she knew why and she said a guilty oh!!!

I really don't know how to deal with this. She's only just 13 and I think too young for any of this

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Any suggestions for how I deal with her tonight? Angry? Disappointed? Upset? Do I punish her for taking something from my room (without asking?!!!)

Any help today would be great. Thanks

Yes, I think I'd recommend admitting that I didn't phone friend, but I just wanted to talk it over (and find out the truth)

DocMarten Thu 18-Jul-13 20:40:50

I expect the dd and friend were all sneaking into their parents bedrooms and taking pics of their(parents) toys and sending them to eachother for laughs. Bet that is more like it.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Thu 18-Jul-13 20:44:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon Thu 18-Jul-13 20:47:05

She had a conversation where the DD lied.

There was, it appears, no "interrogation", that's just inflating things.

MyPeanut Thu 18-Jul-13 20:50:20

I didn't interrogate her. All day I tried to imagine the conversation we were going to have. Never once did I think that she would try to lie her way out of it!

I had thought about how I would handle what to me seemed like 2 different issues. Firstly she had been into my room and taken something that didn't belong to her and secondly what she had actually taken. Both things needed dealing with in a different way. I was cross that she'd taken something for which I intended to punish her and I wanted to discuss what she'd actually taken and why, in a calm and understanding manner.

She then changed the situation by lying to me and I didn't know quite how to handle this as I had at all expected it. All I could do was add this to the situation I found myself in and deal with it. I do not tolerate my children lying, especially when it wasn't necessary. I am an approachable Mum who I know both my DDs can turn to for advice and support so to discuss sex, puberty, etc is not an issue in our house. I am open and honest with them.

I didn't deliberate put her in an embarassing situation and it wasn't me who involved her friends in this, she did. I had no intention of contacting the Mum but I wanted her to realise that if she did something wrong she had to take responsibility for it. It worked and she owned up. We had a very emotional conversation and we are now friends instead of me being cross at her for lying and being unable to discuss what happened because of the unsolved lie

MyPeanut Thu 18-Jul-13 20:51:24

Docmartin - why do you think that a 13 yo would do this kind of thing? Certainly not mine!!!!

DocMarten Thu 18-Jul-13 21:24:29

Because they all talk about that sort of thing at school. I remember going to a friends house and we were laughing our heads off at something similar in her mums bedroom. Obv there were no mobie phones back in the day, but I remember very well the convo at school after and what other mums and dads had hidden up.

You may not like that idea but I reckon she prob found it before and discussions have been had. she was dared to take a pic and send it or somesuch.

Not nice to hear, but think that is nearer the truth, which she would never tell you anyway. she did say it was a dare.....

ubik Thu 18-Jul-13 21:48:13


Yep I think locks on drawers/doors are the way to go. I remember going through my mums things and later taking makeup, tops, cardigans.

You need to lay some ground rules now. She knows what she took is a very intimate item and obviously is testing you in some way.

As for buying your 13-year-

OhMerGerd Thu 18-Jul-13 22:37:08

13 year olds are curious- normal
Hormones, horniness and experiments - normal
They 'borrow' their mums stuff without asking - normal
Their mothers keep their sex toys in accessible places and expect a curious hormonal horny experimenting borrower not to be curious or borrow to experiment - not normal.

MrsMongoose Fri 19-Jul-13 00:48:18

I bought my first vibrator at 13. She knows exactly what they are, and will have been using them. Sorry op. This is an issue of her respecting your privacy. Please don't make her feel guilty for masturbating.

Letusbe Mon 22-Aug-16 11:02:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

balsamicbarbara Thu 27-Jul-17 15:33:02

Why then use 'tactics' to get her to confess about something she was clearly embarrassed by?

Because she's a child, not an adult. You can't teach or force an adult to do something if they don't want to, but it's necessary to find a way to teach a child because that's what parenting is.

SoupDragon Thu 27-Jul-17 15:36:06


PenelopeFlintstone Thu 03-Aug-17 09:01:54

*You interrogated her until she was embarrassed and burst into tears.
Can you think of anything more embarrassing as a 13 year old than your friends talking about you taking a sex toy? I just think it's a bit cruel.*


PenelopeFlintstone Thu 03-Aug-17 09:04:46

Oh my god...

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